Fuck My Life

[J_Ray]

This must be the thread for "FML Jokes"

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML

[Vinyard]

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

I contribute.

[Vinyard]

Epic.

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

[J_Ray]

Here's one for the guy that started the thread

Today, I texted my college girlfriend to tell her how terrible I felt about cheating. She replied saying she was so relieved because she had been cheating on me with a guy in her dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

[JE]

Your thread title immediately reminded me of this:

I need to stop browsing this site in the library computer lab.

[BasX]

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I lol'd.

[J_Ray]

Here are some real downers

Today, my wife went to the hospital because she had been gaining weight recently and had missed her period the last three months. We thought it was menopause. Turns out she's pregnant. I've been sterile since the day I was born. FML

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

[Lost One]

Update: Grading period ended today.

Grades posted, I brought my averages up.

Parents not pissed anymore, am allowed more "privileges"

[Legacy]

fap fap fap skeet skeet skeet

[Legacy]

you got 1000 posts in like a month. wtf

[huevonkiller]

Cheers brah.

[Lost One]

I still don't know my privileges though. I can go places on the weekends though.

you got 1000 posts in like a month. wtf

Damn could've had like 14,000

[huevonkiller]

Damn could've had like 14,000

You still do kid, not your fault.

[Lost One]

lol

I come on here a lot whenever I'm supposed to do hw and study. Big distraction

My goal to have more posts than Shape has ended.

[Legacy]

you are the ultimate rider.

[igotask8board]

Bryan, did you get your progress report? Do mom and dad still think your too cool for school?

[Legacy]

Bryan, did you get your progress report? Do mom and dad still think your too cool for school?

lol

[Mamba]

lolz.

[JE]

Now you can live up to AhLian's expectations.

[igotask8board]

Brian

[Lost One]

lawlz 17 pages

I'mma beast

[JE]

I have to be at the course at 5 fucking 30 tomorrow morning.

[44Thrilla]

hi.

[BasX]