Top Gun

Discussion in 'NFL General' started by Cowboy71, Jan 14, 2004.

  1. Cowboy71

    Cowboy71 Dallas Cowboys *********

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    I'm sorry -- this is from the preseason. It was really funny then, but still pretty good now. Since I know some of you are movie quote guys, this tie in with Top Gun and the NFL might be appreciated.

    1. "I'm holdin' on too tight. I've lost the edge."

    To Kurt Warner ... his career hasn't been the same since Super Bowl XXXI. Since then, he's been dealing with a variety of injuries; his wife pulling a Mrs. Christie with that appalling radio-show defense of him; Marc Bulger's breath on his neck; a splintered locker room; his coach's lukewarm endorsement over the winter; and at least 500,000 fans making that "Apparently Warner's deal with the devil finally expired" joke. Has there ever been a tougher fantasy season to predict? He's either out of the lineup by Week 5, or he's throwing for 4,500 yards and 35 TDs. There's no in-between. I just remember a game on Fox two Septembers ago, when Warner was throwing bee-bees and Madden was comparing him to Joe Montana. Seems like a lifetime ago. I miss watching him thread the needle down the sideline -- nobody did it better. Alas.

    2. "I was afraid that everyone would see right through me. And I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you."

    To the Chiefs, this year's chic Super Bowl pick (for all the reasons that have been regurgitated ad nauseam -- you would think they added Jason Taylor and Ray Lewis to their defense or something). I'm not picking them to go THAT far ... but this feels like a 10-win team to me, even though I have a feeling Priest breaks down and Larry Johnson becomes prominently involved by Thanksgiving. I just can't imagine them handling a physical team like the Titans in January. Maybe I'm crazy.

    3. "God, he loved flying with you, Maverick. He'd have flown, anyway, without you. He'd have hated it, but he would have done it."

    The saddest "Top Gun" moment goes to the saddest subplot of the season: The great Emmitt Smith ending his career in Arizona. It's like a poor man's version of MJ's comeback with the Wizards, Willie Mays playing for the Mets, Sugar Ray Leonard getting his butt kicked by Terry Norris, and Tiffani Amber-Thiessen appearing on that "Fastlane" show. Just plain depressing.

    4. Gawddammit, Maverick!"

    To Michael Vick's broken fibula. Forget about Atlanta's season going down the tubes ... he was the only guy who kept me glued to the tube even without FGPP (fantasy/gambling/picks pool) implications. I'm still bummed out. Dammit, Maverick.

    5. "Yee-haw! Jester's dead!"

    To the mighty Bucs ... it's always fun to see the reigning champ get toppled, isn't it? Teams don't repeat in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE anymore -- especially with this running game: Mike Alstott, Former Arizona 1st Round Bust Thomas Jones (that's officially his name now), Michael Pittman, and Michael Pittman's electronic tracking bracelet. Yikes. Defending champs are jinxed, anyway.

    6. "I will fire when I'm damn good and ready! You got that?"

    To Mike Martz ... this just sounds like something he would say. You know, it will be interesting to see which offensive coordinator job he ends up taking this winter.

    7. "Take me to bed or lose me forever!"

    To Dave Wannstedt, firmly entrenched in the proverbial "S**t or get off the pot" stage with the Dolphins. Will he give them a ring or not? I vote no, even if I could see them sneaking into the playoffs this season. Still, the parallels between the 21st-century Dolphins and the 21st-century Red Sox are mildly horrifying.

    8. "The enemy's dangerous, but right now, you're worse than the enemy. You're dangerous and foolish. You might not like the guys flying with you, they might not like you. But whose side are you on?"

    To Jeremy Shockey, whose ill-fated summer media blitz was apparently orchestrated by his new agents, John Rocker and Fred Durst. I don't even want to hear his name the rest of the season. Seriously. Jim Fassel should have Val Kilmer read Shockey the riot act (while intermittently glancing at the ceiling and sniffing for no reason)

    9. "Tell me one thing -- if you had to go into battle, would you want him with you?"

    To Bill Parcells ... and the answer is "yes." This Cowboys season should mirror the '93 Pats and '97 Jets -- some tough losses early on, lots of ranting and raving from the Tuna, the defense and special teams coming on down the stretch, a nice little winning streak to head into 2004 (gentleman, start your wagers!), and an incalculable number of disturbing camera shots of Parcells in his practice skivvies.

    10. "Wait a second ... you were in a 4G inverted dive with a MIG-28?"

    To Brett Favre, firmly entrenched in the "Marino in the mid-'90s" stage of his career. In other words, he's just great enough to win some games on his own, not quite as great as he used to be, and unable to accept the fact that he isn't quite as great as he used to be. So he forces balls in big spots, tries to do too much, and invariably ends up killing the Packers against good teams. And it has been happening for three seasons now. And counting.

    (And with that said, I STILL wouldn't bet against him. Ever. You would see me in a 4G inverted dive with a MIG-28 before it happened.)

    11. "I can't shoot this son of a bitch ... let's see if we can have a little fun with him."

    To poor Mark Brunell ... why wouldn't the Jags just waive him and go with the kids? Why string him along? And isn't it possible that, hitting his mid-30s soon, Brunell could have one of those Gannon-like resurgences on the right team, especially with Our Lord's Savior Jesus Christ in his corner? If he gets waived, Paul Tagliabue should make Brian Billick and John Fox fight to the death to see who gets to claim him.

    12. "You remember one thing: You screw up THIS much and you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dogs**t out of Hong Kong."

    To Gregg Williams, who could be about four weeks away from changing his name to Embattled Buffalo Coach Gregg Williams. There's a reason he didn't get a contract extension, just like there's a reason the Bills didn't make the playoffs with a talented team and a creampuff schedule. Nobody had more gunshot wounds to the collective foot last season.

    13. "That was some of the best flying yet ... right up to the part where you got killed. You never never leave your wingman."

    To Laveranues Coles and Peerless Price ... Yeah, I know they had to take the money. It just scares me when receivers switch teams. When you pull a receiver away from his QB and stick him in a different offense, sometimes he doesn't make it. It's like flying a dog cross-country -- sometimes they just don't survive the flight. There isn't even really a reason. Like J.J. Jefferson, Keyshawn Johnson, Andre Rison, Antonio Freeman and Carl Pickens. Somebody needs to study this.
     
  2. Bucs40etrain

    Bucs40etrain *********

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    lol i like this thread cowboy. Good stuff.
     

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