Attention criminals! Welcome to Multnomah county!

[SlyPokerDog]

Memo from the DA,

Prosecution of the following cases will be discontinued unless the case was aggravated.
The names of the most common misdemeanors reviewed are set out below but the list
would include any misdemeanor created by state statute or city or county ordinance.

1. Theft or Forgery in the Second Degree(commercial or private – value less than $500)
2. Misdemeanor Possession of a Controlled Substance – cocaine, methamphetamine
and heroin. Involves possession of small amounts of these drugs.
3. Harassment
4. Trespass (commercial and residential)
5. Disorderly Conduct
6. Criminal Mischief
7. Hit and Run – property damage
8. Misdemeanor Attempt to Elude
9. Resist Arrest – If there is reckless injury, see Assault IV above. If there is
intentional injury, refer for felony prosecution.
10. Driving While Suspended.
11. Any Portland City Code offense
12. Any other misdemeanor created by state statute or county code.

http://www.portlandonline.com/oni/index.cfm?a=302794&c=46729

 

[BlazerWookee]

Hit and run with property damage won't be prosecuted?

Man, I wish I still had my Camaro. I haven't done a lawn job in almost twenty-five years...

 

[SlyPokerDog]

Zbo and the Hoop Family are soooooooo gonna want to come back to Portland.

 

[barfo]

Why the hell didn't they do this when I was a teenager?

barfo

 

[Minstrel]

I haven't done a lawn job in almost twenty-five years...

I didn't see "taking a crap on someone's lawn" in the list. Well, I guess it's covered by misdemeanors.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

Why the hell didn't they do this when I was a teenager?

barfo

Was Portland even a town when you were a teenager?

 

[Minstrel]

Was Portland even a town when you were a teenager?

It was called "Port Town" back then and was a pirate base.

 

[BlazerWookee]

It was called "Port Town" back then and was a pirate base.

Yarrr.

 

[BlazerWookee]

I didn't see "taking a crap on someone's lawn" in the list. Well, I guess it's covered by misdemeanors.

A lawn job is done by spinning one's tires in someone's (preferably well-manicured) lawn, and by doing so, spraying mud and grass all over their house and/or car and/or swimming pool and/or dog.

 

[Mediocre Man]

Well there goes any desire I had of moving back to Portland

 

[Master Shake]

You stay classy Portland.

 

[Mediocre Man]

You stay classy Portland.

How's that Hedo signing working out for you guys? Do you hope, that when your only good player bolts ASAP out of Toronto that he goes to the western conference, or do you want Bosh in the east so you can see him twice a year?

 

[BLAZER PROPHET]

I don't like that list at all.

 

[blazerboy30]

This is what happens when the government overspends and starts these ridiculous entitlement programs that won't / can't end and we can't afford.

The government then can't afford to spend on things the government is actually supposed to do.

What a shame.

 

[jlprk]

This is what happens when the government overspends and starts these ridiculous entitlement programs that won't / can't end and we can't afford. The government then can't afford to spend on things the government is actually supposed to do.

A government should exist only to keep the ruling class in power. The only legitimate government programs are military, police, and espionage. Everything else is a waste of the rich people's taxes, which should be zero because the tax code should allow capital gains.

 

[BrianFromWA]

^^What he said. Except I'd probably add infrastructure, too, and just delete the word "rich" from the third sentence, unless it means that most people in this country don't actually pay a dollar of income tax to the government and therefore if you do pay any tax to the government, you're "rich".

 

[Natebishop3]

***Stereotypical Liberal Response***

Fixed.

 

[MARIS61]

Looks like Michael Shrunk has finally ended his career by publicly refusing to perform the duties he is paid quite handsomely for, come next election anyway.

In the meantime, he has given every citizen the green light to use deadly force when dealing personally with:
3. Harassment
4. Trespass (commercial and residential)
5. Disorderly Conduct
6. Criminal Mischief
7. Hit and Run – property damage

As all of these crimes have been known to often escalate into eventual murder by the criminal, and the DA has publicly stated he will not protect the public from these dangerous and threatening acts, the use of deadly force to protect oneself in these instances will be quite simple to defend should charges be filed against the victim of one of these crimes for killing the criminal.

Most revealing that he will prosecute when rich people are stolen from but not when poor people are stolen from (#1).

 

[MARIS61]

^^What he said. Except I'd probably add infrastructure, too, and just delete the word "rich" from the third sentence, unless it means that most people in this country don't actually pay a dollar of income tax to the government and therefore if you do pay any tax to the government, you're "rich".

I think you may have missed the intended sarcasm.

 

[BrianFromWA]

I let it fly by. Why let sarcasm get in the way of a solid posting effort? Especially since I agree with most of what he said, sarcastic or not, and it makes a bunch of sense!