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TheAnalyst

TheAnalyst

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Everyone post jokes. Ill start.An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
 
Got a Couple momma jokesYo momma is so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.Yo momma is so poor that someone stepped on her ciggarrete and she asked "Who turned off the lights?"Yo momma is so poor that one day, I saw her walking down the street and she had one shoe one I asked her "Did you lose a shoe?" and she said "No, I found one!"Yo momma is so fat that she has to iron her clothers on the drivewayYo momma is so fat that her belt size is the equatorYo momma is so stupid that she asked me how to ask a questionYo momma is so stupid that she called me and asked for my phone numberYo momma is so stupid that one day, she went to the post office and she was yelling in an envelope, I asked her "What are you doing?" and she said "Sending voice mail!"Yo momma is so stupid that she went to the clippers game for a haircutYo momma is so fat that the last time she saw 90210 was on a scaleYo momma is so stupid that she tried to drown a fish
 
Oh I got another one..There were three girls at a bar. They were drinking and started to conversate. The first woman said "Im so loose that my boyfriend can stick 3 fingers in me." The second woman said, "Im so loose that my boyfriend can fist me." The last woman said, "Im so loose that...." and she falls through the chair.
 
A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.The little boy says, "Dark in here."The man says, "Yes it is."Boy- "I have a baseball."Man- "That's nice."Boy- "Want to buy it?"Man- "No, thanks."Boy- "My dad's outside."Man- "OK, how much?"Boy- "$250."In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.Boy- "Dark in here."Man- "Yes, it is."Boy- "I have a baseball glove."The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"Boy- "$750."Man- "Fine."A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"The son says "$1,000."The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."
 
I got the best oneHickory Dickory Dock........ Your Moms A Dirty Slut
 
"My grandpa died during the Holocaust, he fell from the guard tower." "Why do black people grow so tall? Because their knee grows."
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (BCB @ Apr 24 2006, 07:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>"Why do black people grow so tall? Because their knee grows."</div>Huh?
 
I got a good joke.Jkidd thinks the Nets can contend for the championship this year!
 
I got a joke...Your game..A real one...Yo momma put on a raincoat once and walked down the street to the yells of people shouting TAXIIIIYo Momma is so fat she once stepped on the scaled and it told her her phone number.Yo momma is like a bowling ball. Fingered her 3 times, F*ked her down the alley, and she still came back for more...Tank you thank you Im here all week
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Heres a lil joke/advice probably more funny if i said itDont buy crack from a crackhead.unless ur a baker like meI think i put this joke i made up on hereWhat do you call a black foursome?A KitKAt This is a joke that makes me not eat or buy kitkat anymoreTake a guess why i dont want that <Censored>.
 
President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------John, Will, and Steve died and went to heaven.When they got there god said you can live in eternal happiness if you follow one rule dont step on any ducks. They thought to themselve thats fair enough. Then they opned the pearly gates and saw millions and millions of ducks.Will stepped on one right away. god comes by and says i thought I made it clear not to step on any ducks your punishment is you will be chained to this hideous amazon woman for the rest of eternitya few weeks go by and Steve steps on a duck. god says I thought I made it clear not to step on any ducks your punishment is you will be chained to this hideous elephant woman for the rest of eternity.Its been months and john has still has not stepped on a duck. God drops by and chains this beautiful blonde swimsuit model to his arm. John says " I wonder what i did to deserve this beautiful woman"The blonde looks at him and says " I dont know about you but i stepped on a duck"
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the bush one is funny lol and the second one well ha
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (BALLAHOLLIC @ Apr 25 2006, 01:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>President Bush, First Lady Laura and <Censored> Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.</div>
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nice one there
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'>President Bush, First Lady Laura and <Censored> Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.</div>
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, good one except for the unneccesary <censored> on D!ck. That's just profiling balla, what if a guy is named D!ck and joins this site.
 
How do you get a black guy to wear a condom?Put the nike symbol on it.What do you call a black guy in a cadillac? Black Power. What do you call a white guy in a cadillac? White power. What do you call a mexican in a cadillac? Grand Theft Auto.There are 3 guys on a plane. One white, one black, and one mexican. The white guy puts out his hand. He says "It's cold. We must be in Canada." The black guy puts out his hand. He says "Its hot, we must be in Jamaica." The mexican guy puts out his hand. He says "My watch is gone. We must be in mexico."Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they can shoot, steal, and run.
 
Punch a white guy in the face and the Red Devil is exposed.Whats black and very long?Welfare line (hispanics fcked the joke up)Each Mexican only pays $10 for rent.100 in each apartmentYour car dissapears into thin air. "Who ya gonna call"The immigration busters.Italians eat the gayest looking foods.Sausage, Suckin spaghetti, meatballs, pepperoni, white sauces......White people with braids and locks.Ohh yea and i can make up some more...Ohh also the reason i don't like kitkats is because their all exactly the same... thats not the kind of black foursome i wanna be in3 females + me = satisfying :winkglasses:
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (BassyInTheMaking92 @ Apr 25 2006, 04:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>How do you get a black guy to wear a condom?Put the nike symbol on it.What do you call a black guy in a cadillac? Black Power. What do you call a white guy in a cadillac? White power. What do you call a mexican in a cadillac? Grand Theft Auto.There are 3 guys on a plane. One white, one black, and one mexican. The white guy puts out his hand. He says "It's cold. We must be in Canada." The black guy puts out his hand. He says "Its hot, we must be in Jamaica." The mexican guy puts out his hand. He says "My watch is gone. We must be in mexico."Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they can shoot, steal, and run.</div>Good ones. But you are black
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (BALLAHOLLIC @ Apr 25 2006, 09:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>Good ones. But you are black
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</div>haha so..what does that have to do with anything? I can dogg on black people even though im black.
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pistonfan11 @ Apr 25 2006, 09:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>I got a good joke.Jkidd thinks the Nets can contend for the championship this year!</div>Umm cool man I never said that...I said they could give the Pistons a fight.
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Jkidd51524 @ Apr 25 2006, 07:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>Umm cool man I never said that...I said they could give the Pistons a fight.</div>When did you get so funny? :HAHAHA:
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (BassyInTheMaking92 @ Apr 25 2006, 04:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>haha so..what does that have to do with anything? I can dogg on black people even though im black.</div>Actually, black people are pretty much the only ones who can dog on other black people, it looks bad if a white guy does it.
 
Yo Mama so Fat she went to KFC and the Cashier asked what size of a bucket do you want and she answered the one on the roof.Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim?" Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim?" Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim?" And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!" A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much." The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house." The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two." The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man." The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two." The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater? A blonde trying to set fire to it. Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex? Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers. A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied. :HAHAHA:
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (TheAnalyst @ Apr 24 2006, 09:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.The little boy says, "Dark in here."The man says, "Yes it is."Boy- "I have a baseball."Man- "That's nice."Boy- "Want to buy it?"Man- "No, thanks."Boy- "My dad's outside."Man- "OK, how much?"Boy- "$250."In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.Boy- "Dark in here."Man- "Yes, it is."Boy- "I have a baseball glove."The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"Boy- "$750."Man- "Fine."A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"The son says "$1,000."The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."</div>Haha that was by far the best one posted! :HAHAHA: Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.The first one came back and said to the king, ?I brought ten apples.? The king then explained, ?Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you?ll be eaten.? The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.1?2?3?4?5?6?7?8?and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed.The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, ?Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!?The second one replied, I couldn?t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.?
 
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