OT Not sports related, but...

[Hammerojustice]

I have a heavy burden on my heart and I need to put something out there.

This is long, and I apologize for it now. The point of this is more to raise awareness than anything and to vent.

For those who didn't/don't know, my wife suffered through 4 HG (Hyperemesis Gravidarum) pregnancies (resulting in 3 kids and 1 miscarriage). For those who aren't familiar with HG, check out http://www.helpher.org/ which deals with HG. My wife was hospitalized at least once (one pregnancy 4 times) with each time receiving 4 different medications and intravenous fluids (each visit was at least 2 liters of fluids and such) due to severe dehydration...

For many, HG doesn't end with the end of the pregnancy (birth or miscarriage)... Many develop PTSD.

Last night in the UK, one of the founding members of my wife's support group lost her battle with HG PTSD and threw herself in front of a train... She leaves behind 3 and 1 year old daughters. She was 32.

This is the content from the one of the other founding members of the support group my wife is a member of...

"Shocked doesn't describe how I feel. One of my first hG friends, one of the co-founders of our group has gone.

We told her she needed help so long ago but she wouldn't accept it. We argued and fell out. I tried last month to get our friendship back and offer an ear if she needed it. Too little too late.

HG is not morning sickness. It destroys ur soul and leaves many of us in such a state with depression, anxiety and PTSD. Polly was diagnosed with further complications but was HG the start of pushing her into the darkness and these issuing breaking through?

When will the nhs listen and treat us properly. When will nhs mental health services for HG sufferers improve instead of us being told HG is no reason to be suffering mental health problems!!

I should have done so much more and I'll live with that forever. Today I'll be driving up to see where it happened and be asking myself why I didn't just drive up last month and see her.

She was my HG bath buddy, the first HG warrior I ever met who truly related to what we all went through and now she's gone.

2 little girls left behind who will never know the free spirit of their mum.

Polly I hope your resting now and get some peace xxxxt"

My wife wrote this today on her facebook wall in response:

The Truth. The Ugly Truth...
July 14, 2015 at 1:18pm

HG, hyperemesis gravidarum is so much more than you'll ever know.

To most, it just looks like a woman who can't shake morning sickness. But it's not! It beats you down. Starving you, physically and mentally during a time that should be joyful, enjoyed and loved.

Being such an unusual condition, and terribly misunderstood, it's hard to find people who can relate. I had people close to me who were tremendous support, both emotionally and physically. Who watched me deal, endure, lose my strength and were there to pick me up and help me when I couldn't do it myself... and thanks to the internet, I found a support group. I was there when they created it, They named it HG Warriors, because truth be told to make it through, you really are. Filled with Momma's from all over the WORLD, going through their own struggles with this.

But, I got to a point where I just stopped talking about it, to just about everyone. I even began to JOKE about my misery, my pain. How I was growing a baby and losing weight, how many storm drains I'd puked in during the kids carpooling... (taking the kids to and from school, as hard as it was, kept me going. Was a daily reminder that I WAS getting through this)

Because, let's be honest, do you really want to know when you ask someone you know isn't well, how they're doing?? You ask to be kind, but the truth of how I am, will either bring you down or make you think I'm CRAZY.

I accepted the "wow, you look great", and " you're really still sick?, I couldn't tell" as COMPLIMENTS!! I must have been doing something right if nobody could tell, right? {Sigh}

But the truth is, I felt broken, hollow.

To keep myself from throwing up all day long, I chose to only eat when my body wasn't going to puke. That meant I ONLY ate and drank ONE time a day, for my entire last trimester. Three months, I only consumed a meal between 6 and 8pm... I consumed only 760 calories a DAY, total. When most pregnant women are consuming at least 2,000!!!

I was so thirsty, I'd get migraines, my lips began to peel and I would only pee twice a day. I'd call my husband in tears because I was SO hungry I just could not stand it. I was starving myself, because I'd rather know I could eat those calories and keep them in, than risk eating any other time which would set off hours of non stop vomiting.

That was when I could eat and keep it down. I spent the first 5 months throwing up most, if not all of what went into me, including my own spit...yup, my own saliva made me vomit just by swallowing it!! I would vomit for so long, my body wouldn't stop even once it was empty. I'd pee myself, my throat would bleed and my eyes would get bloodshot...I did this at least 10x a day, for on average, 5 months. With three full term pregnancies.

But I looked good, right...

I was terribly anemic, so much so, my blood pressure began to plummet from just trying to walk from the garage to the house, or the van to the school door. I'd have to stop and catch my breath. I had a bp monitor which I was asked to use and it was dropping to things like 76/52. And yet, I was still conscious. Thank you heart.

The day Reagan was born, my iron was down to 7.3. My Dr hadn't told me, because he knew he'd be able to deliver her safely. By the next day, it was down more. Below 5!! When the nurses would come in to do routine checks on me, they were SHOCKED that I was able to walk myself to the bathroom. Most people with hemoglobin levels that low can hardly lift their head from the pillow and I was up walking and talking.

My body had gotten so used to surviving on so little, that it just kept on chugging along!!

But, there's only so far you can go. My body lived in a constant state of survival mode that once I was able to eat again...I piled weight on and on and on, no matter how well I ate. My kidneys took their dear sweet time getting back on track...

For some of us, once the baby is born, life gets back to normal. But like any long illness, it takes its toll. Some suffer from PPD, like many other women who've had babies. But PTSD is a common occurrence also. You just can't shake it, HG is still haunting you even though you've had your baby. I had flashbacks for months, especially during the winter, reminding me of all of the pain I'd been enduring. It wasn't until Reagan was about 9 months old that I was beginning to feel like a person again. I just got up every day, went through the motions, but couldn't focus on anything, couldn't spend time outside my own head, I was fogged over...

But I'm almost me again. Mostly good days, with a few random crappy ones, which we all get from time to time.

In light of the recent loss of one of the founders of my support group, to her own HG postpartum problems, I felt I needed you all to know that it's not over once the baby is born. Not for everyone.

Like any silent illness, we're forgotten and not taken seriously.

I have never been the kind of person who has taken well to asking others for help.

I AM the care taker. I am the one who helps others through their times of need. I have more than enough experience with some of the awful things life can throw at you and have been since I was Connor's age.

It's who I am.

I have always chosen to use those experiences for GOOD. To make it so they don't have to feel alone, have an outlet for their feelings, confusion, pain.

I have always felt like I have lived my life, so I can help others through theirs. Helping my extended family through a loss I never wanted to go through again, almost the exact same way, made it feel as though I was meant to be there.

We just lost one of those people. One of those who was always helping others, offering words of encouragement, support and caring. Her battle was just too great for her to bear and she couldn't let anyone in. My heart breaks. We soldiered on, together. Our babies were born around the same time. But her journey didn't end, she continued to suffer from physical and emotional illnesses. HG broke her, and she just couldn't recover.

But I am okay. I have my family, friends and am still a part of my HG group. We’re warriors. I have my scars and my memories and will carry them forever.

My response to her was that she is

"the most amazing and inspirational woman I have ever known. To all those who doubt the severity or reality of HG, they are beyond ignorant. You blow me away with your perseverance and strength. There is a reason I give you the well-deserved title of Super-Mom! I am very sorry for the loss of the founder of the support group who has brought you and other more comfort, compassion, and comic relief when needed respectively. Her passing is such a tragic loss.. I hope and pray that this brings the needs and awareness of HG to the forefront of OBs... As Dad mentioned, you hid the difficulties too well to all. I love you more than I can adequately express. You rock!"

I also shared the post from the group to the support group for those who support these women who we call HG Warriors...

"we need to be more vigilant beyond the pregnancy. I don't think many of us realize how long the war with HG lingers even after the birth (or loss) of our little ones by our SO... PTSD reared it's ugly head and a founding member from one of the major HG support groups is now gone. I personally feel like I didn't do enough for my bride after she dealt with each 4 of her HG pregnancies (3 kids and 1 miscarriage) and I feel like I could have been dealing with this. This is hitting me hard, and I didn't even know her. Fight! Stay Strong! Encourage your warrior (present as well as those who are beyond pregnancy). Be strong my brothers and sisters. Let your warrior know how much you appreciate them & what they are sacrificing for!"

Those who know me know I don't cry easily and I'm sitting here at work seriously fighting back tears... I just needed to get this off my chest.



Sorry

 

[yankeesince59]

...wow, that is some heavy shit, hammer.

...don't know what words I could possibly offer that could somehow make you feel any better...so I won't even try.



...hope things turn around for you and your bride.

 

[Hammerojustice]

...wow, that is some heavy shit, hammer.

...don't know what words I could possibly offer that could somehow make you feel any better...so I won't even try.



...hope things turn around for you and your bride.

Thank you

Aside from the blow of loosing someone to a PTSD suicide, it's more a numb feeling... teary eyed at work and trying to keep my head down and appearances up, but it's tough today... My wife says she's ok and that she would never do anything, but she didn't tell me she was seriously battling depression until a few months ago and is now telling me it's passed...

I just don't think enough people know what's going on... ya know?

 

[yankeesince59]

...if you can get away from work a bit early, do it...and spend some time with your wife. That's much more important. She might be secretly keeping things inside...talk to her some more and reassure her.

 

[Hammerojustice]

I'm already here late.... normally would have left over half an hour ago... shutting down now and hitting the road

 

[yankeesince59]

...^^^atta boy.

 

[Messiah717]

We're here for you bro.

 

[Rick2583]

Steve, there's really nothing that can be said at this time that could erase or even ease the pain that both you & your wife feel at this time. I could only offer my condolences which never seem to be enough. I'll keep you both & your friend & her family in my prayers.

 

[Mattingly23NY]

I have a heavy burden on my heart and I need to put something out there.

This is long, and I apologize for it now. The point of this is more to raise awareness than anything and to vent.




Those who know me know I don't cry easily and I'm sitting here at work seriously fighting back tears... I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sorry

Hammer,

1st I applaud both You and Your Wife.......

2nd You never need to apologize for Your sincere feelings, lil' brother.....

I thought I had seen my share of loss, moreso than normal, which has sent me reeling back n forth into depressions, from those losses.....

PTSD does't effect only War Vets, it can strike as you see about anyone, who's worlds get turned upside down, and Depression is one serious son of a bitch of a disease, (if ya' wanna' call it that)..........

I'll be honest-there's not much more I can say, that could or would help you both. You seem to be right on track with your Warrior Nature, yet that too, I know is hard.....Yours and Your lovely Wife Heather's messages, ring a loud bell in my head, and I too would be lying if I didn't say, all you've posted in this thread, resulted in my own tears for the incredible pains that are our lives, ie for You and Your lovely Wife...My Wife read your post, and she too sobbed........

It's a heavy heavy life and burden at times, amongst good times, they're too often are beyond bad times, for some.....

All I can say is: focus on the moment, and reside with a sharp focus to realize each breathe we take is a sacred moment; to squeeze every ounce of joy out of life, tho' life is not only full of joy......that'll be your road in this life......

My middle initial is D. as in David, but when I met my own wife, and we over time decided to get married, I told her, "you've gotta' know if you marry me, your life too will be a lesson in loss, as my middle initial is Death which is always waiting behind my shoulders"......for her it started with losing our neighbor on my LL Team, who was struck by a Car and dragged 100 feet under it, a Honda Civic.......he was a vegetable when He was picked up, and passed unmercifully 8 days latter, never regaining consciousness........(only 1 of over 50+ close friends I've lost).....

Only a couple of things keep me from falling into weekly depressions still to this date..........I learned when my Grandad took his own life: Why take one's life, when all one needs to do, is live on the edge of reality, like Chuck Yeager did when he broke the sound barrier, or every Muroc (EAFB) pilot did in the 50s, when 1.7 Pilots lost their lives weekly.......

My saying why take your life, when you can change it, and live on Danger's edge of life, why not skydive into the Yukon (my last jump) or climb Anapurna or Everest, or dive with Great White's, (we've talked alot about these things in the past, or lightly touched on them)........these are the tools to cope with my losses, and sheer reality everyone of us must go, at some point, but that sure doesn't help at all.....

After awhile the help people try to give is often not enough, because most people aren't trained in Grief Counseling, yet one need not be a Psycho-therapist to help another who suffers......I firmly believe, if there is a reason I am alive, it has been to help others alleviate their suffering, which in turn is the only way to help alleviate my own, other than daring life with every jump, or fk, every trip down the LA freeways.....life is here one moment, gone the next, and I don't wan't to have any latter reservations, that I may of held back, by reaping the joy out of life; especially with those around us/me, who need it, often like the unseen victims amongst society, who deal with this deep anguish daily......I try to put a smile on every good persons face I come into contact with, and a laugh is even better yet........

But their is nothing here to laugh at, your post and life is serious as a heart attack.......like those who already posted, Hammer........you have a good support group right here.....

I wish you and yours the best, and tho' I'm not a Holy Man, (tho' do hold a Bachelor's in Theology/Divinity), we will all pray for you both; back here,..........

live Life as if it were your last day everyday....

 

[Yankeefan5545]

My significant other gave me a pretty good education on HG and given that information Hammer I wish all the best for you and yours.

 

[Hammerojustice]

Thanks guys

Some of the guys from the supporters group have responded...

#1: A very sad day and it also highlights the plight of HG sufferers, there simply isnt enough done to help eithier during or after. I'm sure that many had the same attitude that my wife had that HG was all in the head etc etc. Ive got 2 HG daughters, no plans for anymore due to the affect it had on us and the oldest having to witness it all during the second HG pregnancy. My wife was completely incolsoleable when she read this this morning, it couls so easily be any HG sufferer that it happens to.

#2: My wife is one of the admins for the HG warriors. It's been a fucking asshole of a day today. I hate this for all who are affected!! PTSD is correct. The mental scars it continues to lay upon our wife's or SO. RIP Polly.....

#3: My wife was close with Polly. This HG brings so much with it. And we're waiting to see if we're pregnant again. And this... Many tears and prayers. It's not ok, But it will be

#4: Amen to that Stephen.

My wife Gen is 13 months postpartum and suffering from severe PTSD. She is like a completely different person to who I met. Like most people, I thought that HG during the pregnancy was bad and that once little one was born that would be it, but nooooo.

Second time round seems to be so much worse.

As a family we are working through/coping with PTSD, but it is so hard on everybody, especially the children who can't understand.

As a founding Member of the HGWarriors group along with Polly, I am concerned as to how this will affect Gen. I know others are also concerned about how this will affect other HGWarriors so can I ask that we all keep an eye out and if we hear anything then please let each other know.

I have taken Gen up to where Polly took her life and she met with Polly's Aunt who has managed to give some answers to questions that some of the HGWarriors had. This seems to have eased some of the guilt and helped a little.

Her Aunt is looking after the two daughters and has been for some time. She is looking to adopt them both in due course and loves them very much.

Polly was very ill not only with the after effects of HG/PTSD but had other issues aswell. Her Aunt said that the mental health team were excellent and did everything they could to help.

Polly's struggle with HG is no more, she was very much an HGWarrior and will always be. RIP Polly.





Talking with my wife, she knows #4's wife Gen is taking it extremely hard & blames herself for not doing more...

 

[Mattingly23NY]

Guilt is one of the 1st emotions that enter a very complex world of loss, and no one should feel guilty, yet even knowing as much, rarely suffices, for the survivors.........

 

[stampedehero]

Hammer. Your wife is your best friend. My wife had severe female problems in year 2000. I felt awkward but my resolve was to stand by and be with her. You needed to find some friends who understand and consul and these guys are all class. I can understand what your experiencing and hope times turn for the better for you and your wife.

 

[totus44]

0.5-2% of all pregnant women? that's significant, genetic link? hCG beta the culprit? you know hammer a very lose dose hCG receptor antagonist or anti-hCG (beta subunit epitope) antibody would be an interesting approach. Essentially we're ooking at a hyper immuno response. I'm guessing a high number of suffers also did fertility treatments? so that would be the environmental factor as well.

 

[Mattingly23NY]

0.5-2% of all pregnant women? that's significant, genetic link? hCG beta the culprit? you know hammer a very lose dose hCG receptor antagonist or anti-hCG (beta subunit epitope) antibody would be an interesting approach. Essentially we're ooking at a hyper immuno response. I'm guessing a high number of suffers also did fertility treatments? so that would be the environmental factor as well.

Tom, what was/is the physical condition which you once clarified, which Tex has........the one reason for his diet of no gluten, no sugars, and no fats........? I know this is not the best of posts to ask, yet while were on diseases from hell, can you tell me once again, please.........?

 

[Hammerojustice]

0.5-2% of all pregnant women? that's significant, genetic link? hCG beta the culprit? you know hammer a very lose dose hCG receptor antagonist or anti-hCG (beta subunit epitope) antibody would be an interesting approach. Essentially we're ooking at a hyper immuno response. I'm guessing a high number of suffers also did fertility treatments? so that would be the environmental factor as well.

No to the fertility treatments that I'm aware of.... Maybe 5% of the HG warriors either my wife or I interact with were fertility cases.

The question, though, is who ethically would experiment on a pregnant woman, let alone one suffering so badly. That isn't a bad idea though...

 

[totus44]

animal testing first. and as for who would test on pregnant women? oh i've met my fair share of progressives in academia that view pregnancy as a state of parasitic symbiosis. These are the same fuckers that profit off of aborted fetus organs. We live in a world of scumbags.

its curious that hCGbeta levels are known to be elevated. Makes me wonder if there are any natural compounds that are partial antagonists of the hCG receptor. Then the treatment could be dietary, especially if the supplement can shown to be GRASS listed. wonder if anyone has ever screened this target?

 

[Rick2583]

animal testing first. and as for who would test on pregnant women? oh i've met my fair share of progressives in academia that view pregnancy as a state of parasitic symbiosis. These are the same fuckers that profit off of aborted fetus organs. We live in a world of scumbags.

its curious that hCGbeta levels are known to be elevated. Makes me wonder if there are any natural compounds that are partial antagonists of the hCG receptor. Then the treatment could be dietary, especially if the supplement can shown to be GRASS listed. wonder if anyone has ever screened this target?

You sound like an edge-u-ma-cated guy Tom.

 

[Hammerojustice]

animal testing first. and as for who would test on pregnant women? oh i've met my fair share of progressives in academia that view pregnancy as a state of parasitic symbiosis. These are the same fuckers that profit off of aborted fetus organs. We live in a world of scumbags.

its curious that hCGbeta levels are known to be elevated. Makes me wonder if there are any natural compounds that are partial antagonists of the hCG receptor. Then the treatment could be dietary, especially if the supplement can shown to be GRASS listed. wonder if anyone has ever screened this target?

And considering what was just released regarding Planned Parenthood selling baby parts... good lord...

But it isn't just testing on pregnant women... it would be testing on SICK pregnant women...

 

[Mattingly23NY]

And considering what was just released regarding Planned Parenthood selling baby parts... good lord...

But it isn't just testing on pregnant women... it would be testing on SICK pregnant women...

Wow.......being a new father or mother, just isn't what it used to be, baby parts seriously....??? (I wouldn't doubt it, tho').........not much surprises me these years, less that porker in the Pig Pen, having His Party and Date, with His Swine..........