OT: Just a Few Robin Williams One Liners

[Mattingly23NY]

• ‘Cricket is basically baseball on valium.’

•‘Ah, yes, divorce – from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.’

•‘One question for the Royal Family: all that money and no dental hygiene?’

•‘No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.’

•‘What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.’

•‘People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.’

•‘Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money’

•‘In America they really do mythologise people when they die.’

•‘I like my wine like my women – ready to pass out.’

•‘The only reason Mickey Mouse has four fingers is because he can’t pick up a cheque.’

•‘Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… Look at the platypus.’

•‘In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say, “Stop, or I’ll say stop again”.’

•‘Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students.’

•‘If it’s the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?’

•‘Reality: What a concept!’

•‘Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.’

•‘I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.’

•‘Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.’

•‘Shakespeare said, “Kill all the lawyers.” There were no agents then.’

•‘I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.’

•‘Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.’

•‘We Americans, we’re a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we’ll bomb your cities.’

•‘The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.’

•‘I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, “Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins?” And George will reply, “It’s 71 Virginians, you asshole!”‘

•‘I had my back waxed once by two women… and at one point they said, “Do you mind if we take a break?”‘

 

[speeds]

Couple of great RW stories, one from Ozzy Osbourne, one from comedian Norm MacDonald

The world is reeling from the death of comedian and actor Robin Williams, and among those grieving the Oscar winner is Ozzy Osbourne. The Prince of Darkness once told VH1 Radio Network's Dave Basner how great Robin was when Ozzy's wife, Sharon, was sick in 2002.

"I'm forever in debt to Robin Williams, because when Sharon was diagnosed with colon cancer, I'd seen the film 'Patch Adams' and it was a very… I don't know if you ever saw that film he made; it's about a guy who was a male nurse or something in a hospital and he was working with terminal people, and I thought, what a great thing to do, and he's a very funny man, Robin Williams," he said. "I got my agent to contact him and ask if he'd be so kind as to come around and talk to my wife, which he did. It was very nice of him."

In a 2002 interview with National Enquirer, Sharon spoke about being surprised by Williams. "I was in bed when he came by, half asleep and a little woozy from some of the medication the doctors had given me to take," she said. "Suddenly, there's a knock on my bedroom door and I say, 'Come in.' And there's Robin Williams standing in front of me. Well, I thought I must be dreaming. In fact, I thought I was hallucinating from the drugs I'd been given! I couldn't think of what to say, so I said, 'Does Ozzy know you're here?' Then Robin got in bed with me and said, 'Shhh! No, he doesn't, and don't tell him!' Well, that just cracked me up. I was in bed with Robin Williams. I started laughing hysterically. For the next two hours, he just cuddled me."

Sharon tweeted yesterday that "the entire Osbourne family is grieving the loss of a kind, funny, generous and talented man." She told the Enquirer, "He was just the nicest, most giving guy in the world — he did so much for me." Added Ozzy, "Forever and a day, I will love that man."

http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/ozzy-osbourne-is-forever-in-debt-to-robin-williams/

It was my first stand-up appearance on Letterman and I had to follow the funniest man in the world.

I was a punk kid from rural Ontario and I was in my dressing room, terrified.

I was on the phone to a friend back home when the funniest man in the world ambled by.

There was no one else on the floor. In shock, I told my friend who just walked by. Only the funniest man in the world.

I guess he heard me say his name, cause in an instant he was at my side.

He was a jewish tailor, taking my measurements. He went down on his knees, asked which way I dressed.

I told my friend on the phone that the funniest man in the world was on his knees before me, measuring my inseam.

My friend didn't believe me so I said, "Could you talk to my friend, sir.

The funniest man in the world took the phone and for ten minutes took my friend's chinese food order.

I laughed and laughed and it was like I was in a dream because no one else was there. No one.

The place was out of Moo Shoo Pork, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He angrily hung up on my friend and I was about to thank him when he said I hadn't even tried the jacket on.

Then the funniest man on earth dressed me, a complete stranger, and i remember he ended with a windsor knot.

He spoke mostly yiddish, but when he finished he was happy with his job and turned me to a mirror to present myself to me.

No one witnessed any of this. No one.

The funniest man alive was in my dressing room a good half-hour and was far funnier than the set I had to do soon.

ll of a sudden it was, had to.

When he left my dressing room, I felt alone. As alone as I ever remember feeling.

Until today.

Unacceptable. #RIPRobinWilliams—
Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) August 12, 2014

http://uproxx.com/webculture/2014/0...story-on-twitter-that-sums-up-everyones-loss/

 

[yankeesince59]

http://doyouremember.com/robin-williams-movie-quotes/