Bonzi Wells Releases Independent Report on “Jail Blazers” Locker Room Culture

[santeesioux]

Lubin’ Ruben

So this is probably satire, and probably nsfw for work computers, but it's hilarious, someone posted it on another message board, and it seems we missed it some months back. It's supposedly Bonzi Wells taking about some of the locker room hi-jinks of his time here.

http://leaveit2divac.com/bonzi-well...t-report-on-jail-blazers-locker-room-culture/

 

[Wheels]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

 

[Eastoff]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

that all sounds crazy.

 

[magnifier661]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

Lmao! Wtf?!

 

[PapaG]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

Obviously it's satire. Not bad, but not real.

 

[Eastoff]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

Obviously it's satire. Not bad, but not real.

Some of us can't pick up on the absurd and need the green font to help us out. =\ Thanks for helping my sanity come back to reality.

 

[PDXFonz]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

Absolutely ridiculous, lol.

 

[LuckyShot]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

wat

 

[Sedatedfork]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

Where would Shawn Kemp meet nannies? Oh...

 

[tlongII]

http://leaveit2divac.com/bonzi-well...t-report-on-jail-blazers-locker-room-culture/

“Two words: Ruben Patterson. It was 2001, my second year with the team, when he was brought on. Everyone knew about his past; he was a registered sex offender for the attempted rape of his kid’s nanny. These guys wouldn’t let him forget it. The worst was Shawn Kemp. At least two or three times a week, Shawn would bring in a briefcase full of pictures of his kids’ nannies. I’m talking hundreds of pictures of nannies, each one of them different and extremely graphic. Shawn was even in some of them. He would just dump them in front of Ruben’s locker and usually say something like, “I would’ve run train over your nanny.” He even snuck out of practice once when Coach Cheeks wasn’t paying attention to fill Ruben’s locker with nanny pictures. Thousands of nanny pictures came pouring out. I had just assumed Shawn went to take one of his customary coke breaks, but this almost sent Ruben over the edge. At this point, Shawn became legitimately concerned for his safety. He even sought out extra security personnel for himself and all of his kids that he knew of.”

 

[PtldPlatypus]

Merge.

http://sportstwo.com/threads/261701-Lubin’-Ruben

Oh, and anyone who believes Bonzi Wells to be capable of releasing a 550 page report on anything should probably be examined.

 

[BlazerCaravan]

hilarious!

 

[BoBoBREWSKI]

Oh, and anyone who believes Bonzi Wells to be capable of releasing a 550 page report on anything should probably be examined.

That's the first thing I thought when I read this thread title.

Wow, those are some crazy stories!

 

[Fez Hammersticks]

I'm going to troll ClutchCity with the screename -- ArvydasSaboners.

 

[tlongII]

Sorry about the duplicate thread! That was some funny shit though!

 

[Fez Hammersticks]

Re: Lubin’ Ruben

Obviously it's satire. Not bad, but not real.

That era was so crazy it could easily be true.

The "550 page" gave it away though. Still, an entertaining read!

 

[Fez Hammersticks]

In 2002, some of us were in the gym before practice when Zach and Jeff McInnis got into a shouting match over hookers or something. This type of stuff happened like every other day so most of us just ignored it. Zach just lost it and fired a 5 lb. plate at Jeff. He missed way high and hit veteran center Chris Dudley in the back of the head. He had no idea what hit him. Zach actually felt pretty bad about it; Rasheed thought it was hysterical. Duds was out cold and we had no idea what to do. Antonio [Daniels], Arvydas, and Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje carried him to a massage table and laid him face down so anyone who saw him would just think he was waiting to get a massage. I had about 20 or 25 extra headbands in my locker so I just started wrapping those around Chris’ head to try to stop the bleeding. He woke up about 30 minutes later wondering what happened and why he was wearing 15 headbands. We just blamed it on Lubin’ Ruben. Duds was a real team player and didn’t want this to be a distraction so he just let it go

 

[santeesioux]

I can't believe you didn't leave the title as "Lubin’ Ruben".