When I was a youngster, trying to learn how to be a good thief I had my run in with some grapefruit juice too.
It took a lifetime to become the competent crook you see before you today. At the time, I had only stolen glances. Tried to steal a heart by mine got swiped when I wasn't paying attention, by a girl no less. But my Pa was a thief and his Pa too. It would be a crime against evolution if I didn't follow their path. So off I took to become a thief.
There I stood at 16 years old outside of Sunny Side Breakfast Shack, formulating my plan. I didn't know what to steal. At first I thought a car, but I didn't have my license. Diamonds would be impressive, but everyone knows how hard diamonds are. So I started reading the menu on the door of the restaurant to pass the time, and that's when I saw it : Grapefruit Juice $2.25. Over two bucks for a glass of juice was highway robbery. I thought about targeting the red herring omelet, but that might be too obvious. Juice was my game.
This caper wasn't going to be easy. I needed to learn the game. So I combed my hair, adjusted my collar and went inside Sunny Side to fill out an application for work. Oh I was devious right from the get go. They asked what I was good at, I told them cleaning, little did they realize I meant cleaning them out. I got hired as a bus boy.
Afraid of getting caught, I decided to break up the heist into small bites that could go unnoticed. Everyday, when nobody was around I stole one cap full of grapefruit juice to bring home and reassemble. At first I made the mistake of just pouring the capful of juice into my pockets, by the time I got home it was just a sticky mess. So I found a transporting bottle and my heist was on its way. I made employee of the week three times while stealing right from under their noses. And that's the story of my first theft. Although I have to admit, once I finally had a full bottle of juice reassembled, it didn't taste too good.
