December 14, 2012
To: All Tigard-Tualatin Families
In light of the Clackamas Town Center shooting on Tuesday and the Newtown Connecticut elementary school shooting this morning, our schools have received several phone calls from parents concerned about safety and wanting to know how to talk to their children about these incidents.
Student safety is our highest priority. Even though we have strong procedures in place, we are continuing to be extra vigilant about security in all of our schools. We practice lockout and lockdown procedures so our teachers and students will know how to respond in those situations. We also have a strong police presence in our buildings thanks to our School Resource Officers and to our partnerships with the Tigard and Tualatin police departments.
If your child is asking about these incidents or expresses fear, experts say you should talk to them about it. (If your child is not worried or wanting to talk, it’s important for parents to refrain from expressing their own fears.) Below are some tips on Talking to Children about Traumatic Events adapted from advice by Naomi Zikmund-Fisher, a school crisis consultant:
When violence, disaster or major accidents are in the news, it's often difficult to know what to say to your children. What follows are some general tips to help you help your children through whatever may be frightening them -- and you.
• As an adult, make sure you are ready emotionally to talk about this with children first.
• If your kids are discussing it, you need to discuss it. If you don't, you send the message that it is too horrible to discuss, and sometimes what kids imagine is worse than the facts.
• Stick to the facts. After an event, there may be lots of rumors and unfounded information. Stick to what is known and say "We don't know" for the questions that don't have answers.
• Emphasize that the crisis event is a big deal because it is unusual. Kids don't have the perspective we do as adults. Let them know that what makes the news is the rare, not the common.
• It is important to listen and not judge. Everyone deals with a crisis experience in their own way. Some kids don't want to talk about it and some kids do. Some kids may seem to be "inappropriate" in what they say. Respond to the feelings and not the content -- a kid who says, "That was so cool!" shouldn't be reprimanded. Just say, "I'm sure those people were really scared" or "I was scared when I heard about it."
• Children need you to model that it's okay to talk about the feelings. It is okay cry and be sad.
• When the main facts and feelings have come out, it's time to get on with your regular routine. It is not healthy for anyone to continue to dwell on a crisis for an extended period of time. Be mindful of the media flurry and monitor television time.
• Short-term normal reactions include changes in appetite and sleep. It may also turn up in children's artwork and in conversations about other frightening or sad things they have experienced. All of these things should fade as time goes on. If they don't, you may wish to consult your pediatrician or someone in the mental health field.
