OT Coronavirus: America in chaos, News and Updates. One million Americans dead and counting (2 Viewers)

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https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-s...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Trump Says To Drink Lots Of Water, Media Reports He Told Everyone To Drown Themselves
April 24th, 2020
article-6034-1.jpg

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At his press conference last night, President Trump told everyone to stay hydrated and drink lots of water.

"Water's tremendous, very powerful stuff," he said. "You won't believe the things they can do with water. Water balloons. Water slides. Water beds. It's amazing. You can freeze it and make ice, I'm told. Ice is great for lots of things. Ice cream. Ice cubes. Igloos."

"Anyway, drink water."

Horrified journalists scrambled to warn Americans not to drown themselves in their pools and bathtubs.

"Trump says water is good -- but this is very misleading," said Rachel Maddow. "Did you know that water kills many people every year? These dangerous, unhinged remarks from the president could cause many to drown themselves. Plus, do you know what's hidden in water? Sharks. This president wants you to die from a shark attack!"

Representatives for various bottled water companies quickly released a statement distancing themselves from the president's remarks and warning everyone not to submerge themselves in the ocean for minutes at a time.
 
magnifier661 said:
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-s...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Trump Says To Drink Lots Of Water, Media Reports He Told Everyone To Drown Themselves
April 24th, 2020
article-6034-1.jpg

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At his press conference last night, President Trump told everyone to stay hydrated and drink lots of water.

"Water's tremendous, very powerful stuff," he said. "You won't believe the things they can do with water. Water balloons. Water slides. Water beds. It's amazing. You can freeze it and make ice, I'm told. Ice is great for lots of things. Ice cream. Ice cubes. Igloos."

"Anyway, drink water."

Horrified journalists scrambled to warn Americans not to drown themselves in their pools and bathtubs.

"Trump says water is good -- but this is very misleading," said Rachel Maddow. "Did you know that water kills many people every year? These dangerous, unhinged remarks from the president could cause many to drown themselves. Plus, do you know what's hidden in water? Sharks. This president wants you to die from a shark attack!"

Representatives for various bottled water companies quickly released a statement distancing themselves from the president's remarks and warning everyone not to submerge themselves in the ocean for minutes at a time.
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ambulance chaser!
 
Current stats by State. Its a very disproportionate distribution. I'm sure when they break it down further, it will show something like that 90% of the cases are in 10 cities or so in the United States. Haven't run the numbers, but I'm sure that it will end up being something like that.

Primarily Northern Eastern and Central states are being hit. Places where there are larger city centers and metro areas.

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Man Just Buying One Of Every Cleaning Product In Case Trump Announces It’s Coronavirus Cure

EVANSTON, WY—Throwing bottles of bleach, ammonia, and Drano into a cart at his local grocery store, area man Troy Mitchell was reportedly stocking up on one of every cleaning product he could find Wednesday in case President Donald Trump announces it is a coronavirus cure. “I got toilet bowl cleaner, carpet cleaner, Swiffer WetJet refills—you name it—just so me and my family will be ready if the president announces one of these things can treat Chinese virus,” said Mitchell, indiscriminately throwing containers of laundry detergent, Scrubbing Bubbles, grout whitener, steel wool, Febreze, Tilex mold and mildew remover, and laptop screen wipes into the cart, the contents of which rang up to $2,513.67 at checkout. “I’m not getting caught without some oven degreaser should Trump say it’s going to save us, so I better go ahead and grab me a bottle. After this, I’m hitting the hardware store to pick up a 5-gallon bucket of roof sealant to make sure I’m prepared in the event that turns out to be what gets rid of the Wuhan. Could just be 10 or 20 squirts of Windex into each nostril. You never know what might work in a pinch!” At press time, neighbors confirmed Mitchell had been found unresponsive on the floor of his bathroom with several empty aerosol cans of Rust-Oleum wax-and-tar-removing solvent by his head.
 
calvin natt said:
Because let’s be real. There is something both astonishing and infuriating when people watch our president say and do the most idiotic and mind blowing things and then sit there and say yep, that’s my guy! You can’t let people off the hook like that. It’s not realistic. When you believe that Trump is an awful human being inflicting harm on the country, and people sit there and derp derp this guy is great, sorry, nope. That doesn’t mean I think they’ll change their minds. They absolutely will not. They aren’t able to. But doesn’t mean I’ll just high five folks for being wrong.
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Derp derp
 
Trump probably blames the fake news media on the walk out/ no questions. Saying it's there loss.
 


Cuomo's lack of understanding here is somewhat shocking. People running out of food and becoming homeless doesn’t quite make his list of priorities. He’s about as bright as his dipshit, lying, pretend basement dweller brother Fredo. He said if people want to work then they can go get an essential job. His job is about as non-essential as they come.
 
jonnyboy said:


Cuomo's lack of understanding here is somewhat shocking. People running out of food and becoming homeless doesn’t quite make his list of priorities. He’s about as bright as his dipshit, lying, pretend basement dweller brother Fredo. He said if people want to work then they can go get an essential job. His job is about as non-essential as they come.
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Derp derp
 
jonnyboy said:


Cuomo's lack of understanding here is somewhat shocking. People running out of food and becoming homeless doesn’t quite make his list of priorities. He’s about as bright as his dipshit, lying, pretend basement dweller brother Fredo. He said if people want to work then they can go get an essential job. His job is about as non-essential as they come.
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New York is the last place that should be open. Hardest hit by a significant amount.

Shit sucks because rent is so fucking expensive in NY and unemployment benefits won't cover it for most living in the city.
 
https://babylonbee.com/news/preside...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

President To Dispense Medical Advice On New 'Dr. Trump Show'
April 24th, 2020
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U.S.—Fox has announced an exciting new program, The Dr. Trump Show, where the president dispenses medical advice and pontificates aloud on the intricacies of detailed medical issues.

Trump will take questions from callers and guests on what to do about their various medical ailments.

On the pilot episode, available to watch now on Hulu, Trump helped a woman with coronavirus symptoms. "What you want to do, in my opinion -- and keep in mind I'm not a doctor but I do play one on TV -- what you want to do is drink baking soda and vinegar. You'll explode like a volcano. The coronavirus comes right out, erupting everywhere. Plus, it'll look hilarious."

One man called in saying he had an upset stomach. A concerned Trump thought for a moment before responding, "Just have someone shout down your throat. Stomach bugs hate loud noises. Hate 'em. It'll come right out."

Trump's final guest had his arm fall off, and the audience watched in horror as Trump tried to duct-tape it back on. "That oughtta do it," he said as he sent the man away on a stretcher.

Near the end of the show, Trump gave his "one-minute update" where he tells everyone about his latest research into medicine. "Been experimenting on monkeys. That's been great, great research. They're all dead now, though. Anyone have any more monkeys?"

Other cures Trump touted during the hour-long program included the following:

  • Don't have a birthday between June 21 and July 22 to avoid Cancer
  • Set traps to avoid the invisible enemy: ninjas.
  • Eat as many hamburgers as possible so there's no more room for viruses
  • Stare at the sun for 10 minutes to burn out any vision problems
  • Hold your breath to suffocate a virus
  • Inject liberal tears into your bloodstream, "works on any ailment."
Some medical professionals criticized the show, though all agreed Trump's advice was better than that given by Dr. Oz.
 
EL PRESIDENTE said:
New York is the last place that should be open. Hardest hit by a significant amount.

Shit sucks because rent is so fucking expensive in NY and unemployment benefits won't cover it for most living in the city.
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Then Cuomo needs to put measures in place to ensure a freeze on rent/mortgage and put food on people’s tables. Seems like a better response than trying to play ‘tough guy’ with a bunch of hungry desperate people who’ve been paying his salary for way too long. Just shows how out of touch he is. He has none of the same concerns as the average individual.
 
@magnifier661 You're a fellow Californian, so I'm curious how you feel about the job Gavin Newsom is doing in response to COVID-19.
 
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