F U Kings edition

[Mediocre Man]

Here we go again. The Kings are to basketball is what The HCP is to replays. The Kings trying keep up with our beloved Blazers is like me keeping up with the Kardashian’s….it doesn’t fucking happen

Standings

lawai'a 1 + 2 (3) for being the first to post in the new game and picking the obvious pic
PDXFonz 1 + 2 (3) Extra point for the NSFW warning
HailBlazers 1 (2) (3) Love the reference
Mediocre Man 1 +2 (3) Brilliant roast, despite it's critic
the pruntang 1 + 2 (3) Woulda got extra points for either Kimmy Gibbler, Aunt Becky orComet
riverman 1 +2 (3) You got an extra point for serving. Your story was too positive towardsSF
blazerkor 1 +2 (3) I still wanna know why he is such a terrible husband?
SlyPokerDog 1 + 1 (2) Pasta Roni is underrated
kjironman 1 + 1 (2) You know we can't un see this, right?
BoBoBREWSKI 1 +1 (2) Nice
SharpScooterShooter 1 + 1 (2) Nice
Quatro44 1 + 1 (2) Great call on that bullshit
Chris Craig 1 + 1 (2) trashing on old maps is a bold move. Let's see if it pays off
Everthing Beagle 1 + 0 (1) Those are good things, damnit.....
Blazer Wookee 1 + 0 (1) Is he playing, is he not playing? We will never know?
Hoopguru 1 + -1 (0) Now that stupid fucking song is stuck in my head
STOMP 1 + -2 (-1) Dude....What the fuck?!

 

[Mediocre Man]

The Sacramento Kings aren’t a basketball team. They’re a long-form apology to the sport of basketball. Every time they step on the court, it’s like watching a group project where no one showed up, and somehow the PowerPoint still crashed.
These fucktards have been in the league since 1948, and they have exactly one Finals appearance — from 1951. You know how long ago that was? Television was still black and white. The last time the Kings were relevant, the NBA barely had shot clocks and most of their current fans’ grandparents weren’t even born. They are a case study in dysfunction, an organizational mess so deeply ingrained it feels intentional. The Kings don’t rebuild — they self-sabotage. Every few years they convince fans “This is the year!” and then faceplant so hard it registers on the Richter scale.
Ownership? Clueless. Front office? A roulette wheel of bad decisions. Coaching? A revolving door of mediocrity. The Kings are where promising careers go to die quietly in the shadows of irrelevance. They had the longest playoff drought in NBA history — 16 years. Sixteen. That’s not a dry spell. That’s a whole era of failure. Kids were born, got their learner’s permit, and still hadn’t seen the Kings win a playoff series. And the fans — bless them — are the only noble part of this mess. You have to be loyal to stick around for this disaster. It’s not fandom at this point, it’s emotional Stockholm syndrome. They call themselves the Kings. Kings of what, exactly? Crowned rulers of blown draft picks and third-quarter meltdowns? You’ve ruled over nothing but a dusty trophy case and a legacy of irrelevance.

There are bad teams.

There are unlucky teams.

Then there’s the Sacramento Kings — a franchise so deeply cursed, even their highlights feel like bloopers. Go ahead. Light the beam.
Just try not to trip over your own history while you’re at it.

 

[SharpeScooterShooter]

 

[lawai'a]

(caveat here as olshey brought in two of the three busts to portland and kleine played the last seven games of his career here too)
Kings' draft busts since franchise moved to Sacramento

Joe Kleine, Pick No. 6, 1985 NBA Draft
It was a different time in the NBA and drafting bigs was all the rage. This is, of course, the alleged “frozen envelope” draft where the New York Knicks somehow landed the top overall selection where they chose Hall of Fame center Patrick Ewing.

Kleine played 15 seasons in the NBA, but was nothing more than a reserve for much of his career. The next three selections were Chris Mullen, Detlef Schrempf and Charles Oakley, but the biggest miss was Karl Malone, who went No. 13 overall.

How bad was Kleine? The draft went seven rounds and 162 players were selected. Kleine’s career value over replacement was a -7, which ranks last amongst his own and plenty of other draft classes.

Thomas Robinson, Pick No. 5, 2012 NBA Draft
24 hours before the 2012 NBA Draft, the Sacramento Kings were set on taking point guard Damian Lillard. The Weber State star had put on a shooting clinic in his in-person workout in Sacramento, although the Kings had selected two guards in Jimmer Fredette and Isaiah Thomas the summer before.

When Dion Waiters jumped up the draft board at the last minute and pushed Robinson down, the Kings jumped at the chance to take the Kansas product. It was a huge mistake.

Robinson’s game never translated to the NBA and the Kings cut bait on the No. 5 overall pick just 51 games into his career. After bouncing around with stops in Houston, Portland, Philly, Brooklyn and LA with the Lakers, Robinson has been out of the league since the 2016-17 season after totaling 313 games.

Nik Stauskas, Pick No. 8, 2014 NBA Draft
Stauskas or Payton? The Kings allowed Grantland into their draft room in 2014 and captured the team debating who would be the team’s pick at No. 8. Nik Stauskas was the unlikely selection and proved to be a disaster.

Sacramento packaged Stauskas along with Jason Thompson and Carl Landry to clear cap space in the summer of 2015. The trade worked out even worse than drafting Stauskas, but that’s a story for another day.

After playing parts of five seasons for five different teams, the former Michigan shooter was out of the league following the 2018-19 season at the age of 25. Elfrid Payton (pick No. 10) would have been a much stronger pick, as would have Zack LaVine (pick No. 13) or T.J. Warren (pick No. 14).

 

[Mediocre Man]

(caveat here as olshey brought in two of the three busts to portland and kleine played the last seven games of his career here too)
Kings' draft busts since franchise moved to Sacramento

Joe Kleine, Pick No. 6, 1985 NBA Draft
It was a different time in the NBA and drafting bigs was all the rage. This is, of course, the alleged “frozen envelope” draft where the New York Knicks somehow landed the top overall selection where they chose Hall of Fame center Patrick Ewing.

Kleine played 15 seasons in the NBA, but was nothing more than a reserve for much of his career. The next three selections were Chris Mullen, Detlef Schrempf and Charles Oakley, but the biggest miss was Karl Malone, who went No. 13 overall.

How bad was Kleine? The draft went seven rounds and 162 players were selected. Kleine’s career value over replacement was a -7, which ranks last amongst his own and plenty of other draft classes.

Thomas Robinson, Pick No. 5, 2012 NBA Draft
24 hours before the 2012 NBA Draft, the Sacramento Kings were set on taking point guard Damian Lillard. The Weber State star had put on a shooting clinic in his in-person workout in Sacramento, although the Kings had selected two guards in Jimmer Fredette and Isaiah Thomas the summer before.

When Dion Waiters jumped up the draft board at the last minute and pushed Robinson down, the Kings jumped at the chance to take the Kansas product. It was a huge mistake.

Robinson’s game never translated to the NBA and the Kings cut bait on the No. 5 overall pick just 51 games into his career. After bouncing around with stops in Houston, Portland, Philly, Brooklyn and LA with the Lakers, Robinson has been out of the league since the 2016-17 season after totaling 313 games.

Nik Stauskas, Pick No. 8, 2014 NBA Draft
Stauskas or Payton? The Kings allowed Grantland into their draft room in 2014 and captured the team debating who would be the team’s pick at No. 8. Nik Stauskas was the unlikely selection and proved to be a disaster.

Sacramento packaged Stauskas along with Jason Thompson and Carl Landry to clear cap space in the summer of 2015. The trade worked out even worse than drafting Stauskas, but that’s a story for another day.

After playing parts of five seasons for five different teams, the former Michigan shooter was out of the league following the 2018-19 season at the age of 25. Elfrid Payton (pick No. 10) would have been a much stronger pick, as would have Zack LaVine (pick No. 13) or T.J. Warren (pick No. 14).

You get the game, and it’s judge. Trashing on a WABC is good

 

[theprunetang]

Just going to leave a screenshot of my search results here. Speaks for itself.

 

[Quatro44]

What can I say about Sacramento?

NOTHING

not a fucking thing going on.

 

[lawai'a]

What can I say about Sacramento?

NOTHING

not a fucking thing going on.

Open media 1 in modal

 

[BoBoBREWSKI]

 

[SlyPokerDog]

The only city to take an SNL skit literally.

 

[Chris Craig]

It gets to be the city of trees and Portland doesn't.

 

[riverman]

Sacramento is like a fried egg that is sitting in too much boiling rancid lard. It's tired, boring and the least famous city in that state. It's like Fresno super sized. They've had 150 coaches since Adleman and milked the cowbell fans dry with failed draft pick after failed draft pick. It's the revolving door of the NBA, the bottom licker of the western conference and it's where potentially great players go to ruin their careers. I'm talking post Adelman here....They are now going to ruin Sabonis and Keegan Murray! Eat it Sac town!!! Word is even the new arena reeks of Vlade Divac chain smoking Marlboro Reds....No wonder old town has such a vibrant blues scene....it's where the blues aches and lives day after day! Kings? Should be called the Indentured Servants!

 

[PDXFonz]

I’ve heard basketball be likened to a game of chess. I think this makes the Kings name fit perfectly.

Rarely making any meaningful moves, never progressing forward, and at the end of the season it’s over for them.

 

[blazerkor]

This time it's KJ. Kevin Johnson did sexually harass many women that worked for him through his years as this fucking city's mayor, he also is the kind of scum bag that had a sexual abuse accusation against him by a sixteen year old girl while he was a player in 2025 and a subsequent hush money settlement. Who fucking elects a guy with that hanging over his head? Americans that's who. This guy was ahead of his time. A politician with a little celebrity, who wasn't qualified for the job and had a ton of skeletons in his closet... oh wait I just described a huge swath of politicians.

I did want to answer your question from last game MM, the thing that made OJ such a bad ex-husband is that he (I guess I have to say allegedly) brutally murdered his ex-wife and the guy she was with. I understand why that might not have rung any bells, the story kind of flew under the radar... nothing close to as big as the KJ scandals.

 

[Mediocre Man]

This time it's KJ. Kevin Johnson did sexually harass many women that worked for him through his years as this fucking city's mayor, he also is the kind of scum bag that had a sexual abuse accusation against him by a sixteen year old girl while he was a player in 2025 and a subsequent hush money settlement. Who fucking elects a guy with that hanging over his head? Americans that's who. This guy was ahead of his time. A politician with a little celebrity, who wasn't qualified for the job and had a ton of skeletons in his closet... oh wait I just described a huge swath of politicians.

I did want to answer your question from last game MM, the thing that made OJ such a bad ex-husband is that he (I guess I have to say allegedly) brutally murdered his ex-wife and the guy she was with. I understand why that might not have rung any bells, the story kind of flew under the radar... nothing close to as big as the KJ scandals.

No, I’m talking about the running back. The guy in those Hertz commercials. The one in the Naked Gun movie. That guy. Sorry for the misunderstanding. That other OJ sounds like a real jerk. Someone should kill that guy

 

[Phatguysrule]

Sacramento. Some of my favorite family members live there, and I still avoid that place like the plague.

 

[Mediocre Man]

Try as they may have, they failed, so FUCK the Kings. Two bit franchise with no business thinking they could beat our juggernaut TrailBlazers in their quest for the perfect season.....er regular season, anyway. Thank you all for playing. Please let me know if you are enjoying this, or if you think it's lame. That applies to the people who actually play the game

blazerkor 1 +3 (7) The random Kevin Johnson hate is lovely. Fuck that guy
lawai'a 1 +2 (6) WABC's suck. Great call on that stiff
PDXFonz 1 +2 (6) Also made me laugh in real life
Mediocre Man 1 +2 (6) I am in a roast zone. Outstanding effort on my part
riverman 1 +2 (6) So salty. So good
the pruntang 1 +1 (5) Straight to the point. It's a shitty city
SlyPokerDog 1+2 (5) This made me laugh in real life
Chris Craig 1 +2 (5) This is something I was unaware of, and fucking bullshit
BoBoBREWSKI 1 +1 (4) What am I looking at? Why is this bad? Remember, your judge is a fucking idiot
SharpScooterShooter 1 +1 (4) Equality and all the letter inclusions. We, as a society, have to do better
Quatro44 1 +1 (4) Fuck subtlety. Sacramento is boring as fuck
Phatguysrule 1 +2 (3) Welcome to the game
HailBlazers (3)
kjironman (2)
Everthing Beagle (1)
Blazer Wookee (1)
Hoopguru (0)
STOMP 1 + -2 (-1) Dude....What the fuck?!

 

[blazerkor]

No, I’m talking about the running back. The guy in those Hertz commercials. The one in the Naked Gun movie. That guy. Sorry for the misunderstanding. That other OJ sounds like a real jerk. Someone should kill that guy

Good thing "that guy" died a year and a half ago. Don't know whatever happened to the running back.

 

[Mediocre Man]

Good thing "that guy" died a year and a half ago. Don't know whatever happened to the running back.

He died? The didn’t even know he was sick?