To Boston: Nic Batum
To Portland: Rajon Rondo
Discuss.
Welcome back buddy! I wondered what happened to you since those rubes in Minnesota let you go.
You are a true innovator my man, a real visionary. They laughed when you first tried to implement your APGATT (All Point Guard All The Time) scheme in Minny, but what do they know? They also laughed at Christopher Columbus when he said you could go east by sailing west, but hey the guy discovered America, didn't he? Nevermind there were already millions of people living here, they didn't know they hadn't been discovered, so it still counts, right? And then, he made the greatest movie ever, "Home Alone". Frickin' genius! Way to stick to your guns! You are the Christoper Columbus of NBA GMs!
Trading our starting small forward for a point guard when we already have an All-Star starting point guard and an adequate back-up seems like pure lunacy to the unenlightened, but I see where you're going with this.
Oh sure, Rondo is an abysmal 3-point shooter (.257 career 3fg%) that would be a HORRIBLE fit in Stotts' system. But that's where your true genius shines through. You've been wanting to see Stotts fired since the first game of the season. This trade is a clever way of getting EXACTLY what you want. Hell, Neal wouldn't even have to fire Stotts if he makes this trade. Stotts would up and quit on the spot, right after he punches Olshey in the wiener for fucking up a good thing. Maybe he could get Nic to do it for him as his revenge for Olshey sending him to a crappy team:
Oh, and sure, Rondo does all his scoring from midrange and in the paint and that makes him a horrible fit next to our 3-time All-Star power forward and leading scorer, but I assume this is just move one of many. You still need at least two more PGs to successfully implement your APGATT scheme. I'm sure we could trade Aldidge for some other over the hill, past his prime, often injured, overpaid, not really as good as he thinks he is, PG like Deron Williams. I'm sure the Nets would be down with an Aldridge for Deron is Deron swap.
And, then maybe we would send Lopez back to Phoenix for Dragic or Thomas and a twin to be named later. And, why are all the twins in the NBA big men? This is where you can really make your mark. Forget scouting Europe for the next Dirk. There will NEVER be another Dirk.
It wasn't this guy:
Or this guy:
Or this guy:
Or even this guy:
The last two are my homage to PBF. He seriously wanted to use high lottery picks on those last two guys. He always did have a boner for really big, goofy looking guys with unpronounceable names that came out of nowhere and then promptly returned there.
No, don't waste your time scouting the European, or even Asian leagues, you should be scouting the CYO leagues looking for the future of the NBA - twin PGs. That's where you can further make your mark!
The only other potential flaw I see in your trade proposal, is the fact that Rondo shoots FTs nearly as bad (.616 career FT%, and falling, .333 this year) as Dwight Howard (.573 career FT%). Now, the last thing you want in the 4th quarter of a close game is a guy who can't hit a FT to save his life to be the guy with the ball in his hands (Hack-a-Rondo anyone?). But, being the genius you are, you've thought of everything! If we make this trade and your APGATT vision finally comes to fruition, there won't be any such thing as a close game entering the 4th quarter. Point == Moot! Problem == Solved!
Right about now, I'm sure the OP is confused as fuck by everything I've written. Good. If there's one thing I've learned after many years participating in this forum it's the best way to win any, and every, argument is to confuse your adversary to the point where they give up. I call it jlprking. Still confused? Good, that's the point. Think of it as larping for losers.
Finally, condolences to BGD. You can no longer lay claim to the title of the worst trade proposal EVER. Don't feel too bad though. Blazer4ever may now hold the single trade record, but you are still the career leader in Bad Trade Proposals and a first ballot BTP HOFer based on your extensive body of work. Blazer4ever may be the Michael Jordan of Bad Trade Proposals, but you are the Kareem.
BNM