ZAE
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<font face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 12px;">How to Drive in Jersey......
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork -
rhymes with Fork, not New-ark.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour
is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday Morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on the Turnpike is 85 mph. On the
Parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less if considered 'Sissy'. (Just
ask the Governor of NJ!)
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way ; the trucks with the biggest tires go
second. However, in Monmouth County, SUV-driving, Cellphone-talking
Moms always have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a Yellow Light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never Honk at ANYONE. Ever!!! Seriously. It's another offense that
can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey.
Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during
the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as Drunks, Shunks, Dogs, Cats,
Barrels, Cones, Celebs, Rubber-neckers, Shredded tires, Cell-phoners,
Deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.
9. MapQuest does NOT work here -- -- none of the roads are where they
say they are or go where they say they do, and all the Turnpike EZ Pass
Lanes are mo ved each night, once again, to make your ride more exciting.
10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal On, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'Accidentally
Activated.'
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55 - 65 mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped the Jersey
Bird ~!~' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. Do not try of estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon
for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thrusday for Friday appointments, and
right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
SAFE DRIVING </span></font></p>
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork -
rhymes with Fork, not New-ark.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour
is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday Morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on the Turnpike is 85 mph. On the
Parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less if considered 'Sissy'. (Just
ask the Governor of NJ!)
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way ; the trucks with the biggest tires go
second. However, in Monmouth County, SUV-driving, Cellphone-talking
Moms always have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a Yellow Light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never Honk at ANYONE. Ever!!! Seriously. It's another offense that
can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey.
Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during
the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as Drunks, Shunks, Dogs, Cats,
Barrels, Cones, Celebs, Rubber-neckers, Shredded tires, Cell-phoners,
Deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.
9. MapQuest does NOT work here -- -- none of the roads are where they
say they are or go where they say they do, and all the Turnpike EZ Pass
Lanes are mo ved each night, once again, to make your ride more exciting.
10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal On, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'Accidentally
Activated.'
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55 - 65 mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped the Jersey
Bird ~!~' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. Do not try of estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon
for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thrusday for Friday appointments, and
right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
SAFE DRIVING </span></font></p>
