I'm a fuck up

[The Professional Fan]

No joke. I am a complete fuck up. But there must be a reason why. I'm seeking professional help. But really, what a sobering realization. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up.

 

[ABM]

How can we help?

 

[barfo]

Looks like someone got ahold of TPF's password...

barfo

 

[The Professional Fan]

I wish, Barfo. I truly wish that was the case. I only posted here because I don't have the balls to tell my family how big of a fuck up I am. Rather, they will find out tomorrow. I figured, what could it hurt to just vent here a little. Most of the people on this board are very insightful and intelligent, and because none of you truly know me, what difference does it make?

In short. Divorce. 11 month old son. I'm 95% responsible for the divorce because I'm a liar and a cheater. I'm very certain I have a psychological issue. My ability to separate action from consequence is alarming. I hate hurting people. I fucking hate it. But it's all I do. I gots problems. Oh, and I drink too much.

See? Fuck up.

 

[ABM]

I wish, Barfo. I truly wish that was the case. I only posted here because I don't have the balls to tell my family how big of a fuck up I am. Rather, they will find out tomorrow. I figured, what could it hurt to just vent here a little. Most of the people on this board are very insightful and intelligent, and because none of you truly know me, what difference does it make?

In short. Divorce. 11 month old son. I'm 95% responsible for the divorce because I'm a liar and a cheater. I'm very certain I have a psychological issue. My ability to separate action from consequence is alarming. I hate hurting people. I fucking hate it. But it's all I do. I gots problems. Oh, and I drink too much.

See? Fuck up.

Man, so sorry to hear that. Is counseling an option for the two of you? I very much hope so.

 

[The_Lillard_King]

We are all fuck ups to one degree or another. It may appear those around you don't fuck up the way you do, but most do.

You might not think it now, but time will heal much of this. Life goes on and you will be forced to and will pick up the pieces . . . only to potentially fuck it all up again.

Good time to stop drinking and focus on getting in shape. Take it day by day.

 

[The Professional Fan]

No. Not any more. That ship has sailed. She has given me more chances than I deserve. I have a very long and painful road to follow. I have much to fix about me. Not for her, but for my son. I'm just so overwhelmed and disgusted with myself. Every thing points to me being a complete evil asshole, but in my core I'm not, at all. So shameful. I'm only posting all of this to get it out of me. To be honest, for once.

 

[Natebishop3]

We've all been fuck ups at one time or another. At least you can see your flaws and you want to work on them. That's a huge step man.

 

[EL PRESIDENTE]

Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss.

 

[The Professional Fan]

Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss.

I hope that's the case. I've had many opportunities to sink or swim in my life and I've swam every time. This one is the hardest.

 

[EL PRESIDENTE]

there's always worse shit going on in the world. bigger assholes, bigger fuckups, more jacked up situations. some people have it on easy street. some people work hard and have karma always bite them in the ass no matter what. just how it is.

we don't live the life we always dreamed of. just gotta live life, man.

 

[maxiep]

TPF, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I will say this, however: You're not an evil a-hole as you've labeled yourself. Why? Because the simple fact is you recognize your behavior has hurt people and have remorse for that hurt. You're engaged in self-flagellation, which is a good step. You're recognizing the mistakes you've made and are working to fix them and to make amends.

I don't know you, but I have no doubt you'll be able to repair much of the damage you think you've done to your family. Children have a way of focusing you on doing the right thing, even when it's hard. It sounds like you're going to lose your marriage, but perhaps you can over time repair your relationship with the mother of your child to where you can once again be friends.

If what I've written is trite and unhelpful, I apologize.

 

[MickZagger]

When I read the title I assumed the context was going to be that you voted for Romney.

 

[Haakzilla]

When I read the title I assumed the context was going to be that you voted for Romney.

...or skipped work on backpack stuffing day!

 

[barfo]

When I read the title I assumed the context was going to be that you voted for Romney.

C'mon, nobody is that sick.

barfo

 

[Mediocre Man]

Yes, it sounds like you HAVE BEEN a complete fuck up, but that doesn't mean you have to continue being a complete fuck up. Many people have lived much worse lives than what you are describing, and for many different reasons (finding Christ as their savior, counseling, meds for disorders like Bi-polar or depression) have turned their life around 180 degrees. The only two people at this point you are really responsible for is you and your son. If your wife is done, and can't take it any more then you probably need to respect that and be the best you, you can be.


You can feel free to im me if you need to talk or whatever.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/being_overwhelmed

 

[BrianFromWA]

^^What MM said.

I'm saddened that you are at this point, but I'm glad that you're able to recognize (and hate) it...that's a big part of the battle. I'm praying for your situation, and my PM is open as well...

 

[mook]

Sorry to hear about your problems. Keep putting your son first. That's ultimately the key to turning it around. If you have problems associating actions to consequences, just remember you have a little 11 month old sponge where every single action you make has consequences on his happiness. Get out and stay out of your own head as much as possible and think about what's best for him. You could be flat broke, working at McDonalds, divorced and homeless, and if you are doing that you can hold your head up high.

 

[Denny Crane]

I hope that's the case. I've had many opportunities to sink or swim in my life and I've swam every time. This one is the hardest.

You'll swim.

 

[crandc]

I would STRONGLY suggest a substance abuse treatment as stop #1. Because I don't know you but I've known, sadly, several alcoholics, some of whom have fucked up FAR worse than you. AA is not for everyone with its "higher power" shit. You can call agencies that can steer you in the right direction.

I've never been a substance abuser, I've had other issues but not that one so I can't speak from personal knowledge, but folks I know who've been through alcohol rehab have said that their other issues starting resolving when they stopped drinking. If YOU think you are drinking too much, believe me, you are.

 

[donkiez]

Man that sucks, but Im a fuck up also so welcome to the club. I've been divorced for almost 10 years now and my actions that lead to the divorce still haunt me to this day. I am embarrased for who I was at the time, and it cost me one of the people I cared about most in my life, but I feel I have come through it a stronger person and I even feel that was a necessary lesson for me in life. Some advice that has helped me.

1) Love is not an emotion it is an ability.

2) Dont avoid yourself with booze, other drugs, women, video games, etc. Confront who you are and deal with the situations at hand.

3) Ask yourself why you do things and try to be honest.

4) Make it up to your soon to be exwife by being civil to her during your divorce and by putting your effort into being the best father you can.

5) Believe everything happens for a reason.

6) Suffering is a reaction to pain. You can't control you pain but you can control your suffering. Learn to enjoy your suffering.

Good luck.

 

[mook]

4) Make it up to your soon to be exwife by being civil to her during your divorce and by putting your effort into being the best father you can.

Amen to this one. I really respect anyone who can behave like a real adult around an ex, if only for the sake of kids. I can't imagine how hard it would be to do it.

 

[DaLincolnJones]

No joke. I am a complete fuck up. But there must be a reason why. I'm seeking professional help. But really, what a sobering realization. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up.

you are just human. We all make mistakes, be ready for the next chapter in your life and do not repete the same mistakes. If you can not do it on your own, seek guidance as has been suggested.

you have taken the first step, you see and have taken ownership of your failure, now you must go forward.

 

[Denny Crane]

It may seem you have a lot to deal with. I bet if you get the drinking problem dealt with, the rest of the situation will become a lot better.

 

[PapaG]

...or skipped work on backpack stuffing day!

That was on a Saturday. Nice post, by the way. Says a lot about your own character.

TPF, good luck on whatever it is you need to do to be a better man and a great father.

 

[PapaG]

AA is not for everyone with its "higher power" shit.

Is it "shit" for the people that has had it work for them? It wouldn't be for me, because I lack the faith to by into it, but I certainly wouldn't call any program that tries to help addicts as "shit".

What have you done to help addicts?

 

[Denny Crane]

AA doesn't have that great a success rate. I don't discourage it, but the bottom line is that nobody can stop drinking for you - it has to be a firm decision by the person who wants to quit.

"Just don't drink again, period." That is the only guaranteed way to quit.

 

[PapaG]

AA doesn't have that great a success rate. I don't discourage it, but the bottom line is that nobody can stop drinking for you - it has to be a firm decision by the person who wants to quit.

"Just don't drink again, period." That is the only guaranteed way to quit.

I'm not trying to argue the merits/success rate of AA. I just found the "higher power shit" to be right in line with the religious bigotry and intolerance we see from many of the far left on this board. Seemed like a bigoted statement to make in a thread that had nothing to do with religion.

 

[Denny Crane]

I'm not trying to argue the merits/success rate of AA. I just found the "higher power shit" to be right in line with the religious bigotry and intolerance we see from many of the far left on this board. Seemed like a bigoted statement to make in a thread that had nothing to do with religion.

There's merit to the "higher power shit" argument.

On the other hand, if finding religion helps in a tough situation, I'm not going to put it down.

 

[The Professional Fan]

I love this forum. Any topic can go sideways. Wait, EVERY topic goes sideways. That's half the greatness of you all.

Thanks all who responded to my post. It's all very helpful and emotional at the same time. I will fight this.