OT Is it gaslighting or just being an asshat?

[julius]

If someone tells you something, and they do it because they think it will build up someones confidence, but it turns out to be a lie and thus makes them feel worse about things...is that gaslighting, being an ass hat or something else?

 

[UncleCliffy'sDaddy]

Context?

 

[julius]

Context?

cliff notes (no pun intended):

Friend tells another friend they were being considered for a promotion, but got passed over because of nepotism...when it turned out they were never being considered for the promotion.

I understand the point of the lie, but it still is a lie and easily snuffed out.

I should clarify this a little, as it sounds ambiguous.

A friend tells another friend that he (the 2nd friend) was being considered for a promotion, to make him feel better about his job situation. I.e., here's a carrot..But the first friend knew there was never any consideration for the promotion.

 

[riverman]

A real friend will not lie to you...that lie erodes the friendship so it was an asshat move in my view but also a lesson to be learned about trust.

 

[julius]

A real friend will not lie to you...that lie erodes the friendship so it was an asshat move in my view but also a lesson to be learned about trust.

That's my take away too. IRL, I lie to people I don't respect (which is an odd admission).

 

[SlyPokerDog]

cliff notes (no pun intended):

Friend tells another friend they were being considered for a promotion, but got passed over because of nepotism...when it turned out they were never being considered for the promotion.

I understand the point of the lie, but it still is a lie and easily snuffed out.

 

[crandc]

Asshat

 

[Chris Craig]

If someone tells you something, and they do it because they think it will build up someones confidence, but it turns out to be a lie and thus makes them feel worse about things...is that gaslighting, being an ass hat or something else?

cliff notes (no pun intended):

Friend tells another friend they were being considered for a promotion, but got passed over because of nepotism...when it turned out they were never being considered for the promotion.

I understand the point of the lie, but it still is a lie and easily snuffed out.

I should clarify this a little, as it sounds ambiguous.

A friend tells another friend that he (the 2nd friend) was being considered for a promotion, to make him feel better about his job situation. I.e., here's a carrot..But the first friend knew there was never any consideration for the promotion.

Gaslighting is lying to someone to manipulate them for the purpose of making them feel like shit. Making them doubt themselves. It's about power and control.

Sounds more like a white lie, but really a friend shouldn't be lying to a friend. It's an asshat move. Lying to boost someones confidence can have the opposite affect if they discover the lie. It can erode trust and self esteem, making things worse. Maybe the friend is doing what they thought was best, or maybe they were being a mendacious asshole.

 

[Strenuus]

cliff notes (no pun intended):

Friend tells another friend they were being considered for a promotion, but got passed over because of nepotism...when it turned out they were never being considered for the promotion.

I understand the point of the lie, but it still is a lie and easily snuffed out.

I should clarify this a little, as it sounds ambiguous.

A friend tells another friend that he (the 2nd friend) was being considered for a promotion, to make him feel better about his job situation. I.e., here's a carrot..But the first friend knew there was never any consideration for the promotion.

That 1st friend has one less friend, that's for sure. That's fucked up.

 

[Everything Beagle]

cliff notes (no pun intended):

Friend tells another friend they were being considered for a promotion, but got passed over because of nepotism...when it turned out they were never being considered for the promotion.

I understand the point of the lie, but it still is a lie and easily snuffed out.

I should clarify this a little, as it sounds ambiguous.

A friend tells another friend that he (the 2nd friend) was being considered for a promotion, to make him feel better about his job situation. I.e., here's a carrot..But the first friend knew there was never any consideration for the promotion.

Probably gaslighting, definitely an asshat (these are mot mutually exclusive), especially if the second friend questioned it but the first friend insisted the second friend had been considered, and 100% both if the second friend found out the truth from someone else.

 

[Everything Beagle]

Gaslighting is lying to someone to manipulate them for the purpose of making them feel like shit. Making them doubt themselves. It's about power and control.

Sounds more like a white lie, but really a friend shouldn't be lying to a friend. It's an asshat move. Lying to boost someones confidence can have the opposite affect if they discover the lie. It can erode trust and self esteem, making things worse. Maybe the friend is doing what they thought was best, or maybe they were being a mendacious asshole.

Even well-intentioned control over someone is control over someone. Even manipulating someone to feel good is manipulating someone. This is (in my very humble opinion) gaslighting; at the very least the mechanics of it are there.

 

[Natebishop3]

Gaslighting is lying to someone to manipulate them for the purpose of making them feel like shit. Making them doubt themselves. It's about power and control.

Sounds more like a white lie, but really a friend shouldn't be lying to a friend. It's an asshat move. Lying to boost someones confidence can have the opposite affect if they discover the lie. It can erode trust and self esteem, making things worse. Maybe the friend is doing what they thought was best, or maybe they were being a mendacious asshole.

Yup.

Prime example is hiding someone’s keys, telling them you haven’t seen the keys and then putting the keys back to make the person think they’re going crazy.

Gaslighting gets used way too much these days as a catch all for abuse, which diminishes how truly evil gas lighting is.

 

[THE HCP]

Standby, I need to google gaslighting. Don’t even know what that means.

 

[Chris Craig]

Standby, I need to google gaslighting. Don’t even know what that means.

Stop lighting your farts on fire dude!

 

[Chris Craig]

Even well-intentioned control over someone is control over someone. Even manipulating someone to feel good is manipulating someone. This is (in my very humble opinion) gaslighting; at the very least the mechanics of it are there.

Manipulating is manipulating and it's wrong no matter how you put it. But, gaslighting is manipulating in its worst form. It's making someone thinking they are crazy. It's being vindictive just to fucking do it. It's certainly not trying to make someone feel better.

 

[crandc]

Term comes from a classic movie. Worth checking out if you have streaming.

 

[Hoopguru]

Stop lighting your farts on fire dude!

Common practice amongst Boy Scouts on camping trips, I think there was a merit badge for the art too.

My kids when young didn't believe that it was possible but after one particular fam camping trip they became believers.

 

[julius]

Common practice amongst Boy Scouts on camping trips, I think there was a merit badge for the art too.

My kids when young didn't believe that it was possible but after one particular fam camping trip they became believers.

Someone should do a study on whether or not the smellier farts create larger flames, etc. You know the kind, the warm "uh oh" farts that even offend yourself.

 

[Hoopguru]

Someone should do a study on whether or not the smellier farts create larger flames, etc. You know the kind, the warm "uh oh" farts that even offend yourself.

Only if you grip the farting post with a Thunder Blast.