Joke thread

Welcome to our community

Be a part of something great, join today!

Register Log in
Not very funny. If anyone has a complaint, speak up.
 
haha, I liked it 3ra1n1ac. well done
 
Denny Crane said:
Not very funny. If anyone has a complaint, speak up.
Click to expand...
If anyone has a complaint on the subject matter, I apologize for offending was not my intention. As for the joke itself, it is against my religion to apologize for telling a joke that my audience doesn't find funny.

On that note, where did Hitler keep his armies? In his sleevies...
 
Joke: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection ?

Answer: A quarter pounder with cheese.
 
How can you tell if an anorexic woman is pregnant?

Hold her up to the light...
 
why are women and carpet similar?

lay them right and you can walk all over them for years
 
What do a fat white chick and a 2x4 have in common?

Sooner or later, they'll both get nailed by a Mexican...
 
A rabbi is attending an inter-faith conference. At this conference, he meets and befriends a priest and a minister. They each find the others' company to be pleasant enough that they agree to go fishing together the next day. They had been in the boat for a couple of hours, continuing their discussions of the similarities and differences between the three belief systems, not catching anything and not really caring, when the priest stands up and says, "if you gentlemen will excuse me, I ran out of bait and need to get some more out of the car" and proceeds to step out of the boat and walk across the water from the boat to the shore. The rabbi is blown away, and thinks to himself, "He must be really strong in his faith for the Lord to give him the ability to perform such a miracle!" The priest comes back with the bait, and says, "Oh, I should have gotten more hooks, too! I'd better go back and get them." The minister says, "No, I'll go get them, you sit down and relax," steps out of the boat, and walks across the water from the boat to the shore. Again, the rabbi is flabbergasted, and humbled to be in the company of men so strong in their faith. After the minister gets back, the priest tries to pour himself a cup of coffee from the thermos, and voices his dismay that it is empty. The rabbi thinks to himself, "I'm just as strong in my faith as these two. I've been teaching His word for almost forty years now. The Lord has smiled on me, and blessed me with good health, a happy family, and a comfortable home. If He gives these two goyim the power to walk on water, certainly He would do the same for one of His Chosen!" So the rabbi stands up, braces himself, gives a silent prayer, then says, "there's another thermos of coffee in the car, I'll go get it," steps out of the boat, and promptly falls into the water. The priest says to the minister, "maybe we should have told him about the rocks...?
 
BlazerWookee said:
If anyone has a complaint on the subject matter, I apologize for offending was not my intention. As for the joke itself, it is against my religion to apologize for telling a joke that my audience doesn't find funny.
Click to expand...

You've just offended my girlfriend...hence, you've offended me!!!!
 
old one but..

Doc tell his patient " Sorry to say this, but youhave three mins to live"

Patient asks " Can you do anything for me?"

Doc says " I could boil you an egg."
 
“Denny Crane, Reasonable Doubt for a reasonable fee.”
— Denny Crane
 
Found this picture of HCP

tumblr_mcvxaujyNg1qd6oe3o1_500.jpg
 
Saw this on a webpage today...

Q: What did one tampon say to the other?

A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
 
I like my women like I like my scotch: 13 years old and locked in the basement...
 
How many pall bearers do they need at a Polish funeral?

Seven. Six to carry the coffin, and one to drag the body...
 
HCP bets his wife $100 that she can't say something that would make him both happy and sad at the same time.

Mrs HCP thinks for a moment and responds "Of all your S2 friends, you have the biggest dick".
 
SlyPokerDog said:
HCP bets his wife $100 that she can't say something that would make him both happy and sad at the same time.

Mrs HCP thinks for a moment and responds "Of all your S2 friends, you have the biggest dick".
Click to expand...

But that would also be a lie.
 
Duck walks into a drug store and buys some chap stick.

Clerk says cash or credit?

Duck says put it on my bill
 
Duck walks into a drug store and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

Clerk says, "No, I'm sorry, we don't carry grapes."

Next night, the duck walks in and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

Clerk says, "No, like I told you last night, we don't carry grapes."

Next night, the duck walks in, and again asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

Clerk says, "Look, pal, I told you last night and I told you the night before, we don't carry grapes! Please stop asking me that!"

Next night, sure enough, duck says, "Do you have any grapes?"

Clerk says, "Now see here, duck. If you come in here and ask me if we have any grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your damned foot to the floor, okay? Now go away!"

Next night, the duck walks in and asks, "Do you have any nails?"

Clerk says, "No, we don't have any nails."

Duck says, "Good. Do you have any grapes?"
 
BlazerWookee said:
Duck walks into a drug store and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

Clerk says, "No, I'm sorry, we don't carry grapes."

Next night, the duck walks in and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

Clerk says, "No, like I told you last night, we don't carry grapes."

Next night, the duck walks in, and again asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

Clerk says, "Look, pal, I told you last night and I told you the night before, we don't carry grapes! Please stop asking me that!"

Next night, sure enough, duck says, "Do you have any grapes?"

Clerk says, "Now see here, duck. If you come in here and ask me if we have any grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your damned foot to the floor, okay? Now go away!"

Next night, the duck walks in and asks, "Do you have any nails?"

Clerk says, "No, we don't have any nails."

Duck says, "Good. Do you have any grapes?"
Click to expand...

[video=youtube;ECmpUJdgm-g]
 
Q: What's the difference between the Chesapeake Bay and a blonde?

A: The Chesapeake Bay is losing its crab population.



Q: How can you tell that a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?

A: There's M&M shells all over the floor.



Q: Why are murders in Arkansas rarely solved?

A: They all have the same DNA.


Q: What do Arkansas chicks and polar bears have in common?

A: They both lick their paws.


Two men drink in a bar.

One man says, "Did you know that beer contains female hormones?"

The other man says, "No. Is that true?"

"Yes," says the first man. "If you drink too much, you start talking crap and drive terribly."
 
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a zoophile, and a pyromanic are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" Asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it" says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it and then kill it" shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again" said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it" said the pyromanic.

There was silence and then the masochist said: "Meow"
 
SlyPokerDog said:
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a zoophile, and a pyromanic are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" Asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it" says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it and then kill it" shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again" said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it" said the pyromanic.

There was silence and then the masochist said: "Meow"
Click to expand...

Where is the necrophile in all of this? Is he also sitting on the bench?
 
>
>
> After experiencing the discomfort and
> embarrassment of a colonoscopy in Ontario, I decided to have
> my next one carried out while visiting friends in San
> Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly
> much more gentle and accommodating.
>
>
>
> As
> I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous
> nurse began my procedure.
>
>
>
> "Don't worry,
> at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal
> to get an erection," the nurse told me.
>
>
>
> "I haven't
> got an erection," I replied.
>
>
>
> "No, but I
> have," replied the nurse.
>
>
>
> Don't get a
> colonoscopy in San Francisco...........
>
>
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Cippy91
OT Terrible cop joke
2
Replies
52
Views
4K
DaLincolnJones
DaLincolnJones
Further
Joke Thread (the return)
2
Replies
55
Views
2K
Further
Further
Chris Craig
OT Pizza Guy fired for Joke
Replies
27
Views
1K
ripcityboy
ripcityboy
PapaG
Political Ads Thread
3 4 5
Replies
134
Views
7K
MARIS61
MARIS61
ABM
Gay Joke Gone Awry?
Replies
12
Views
1K
BrianFromWA
BrianFromWA

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 1 (members: 0, guests: 1)
Back
Top