Joke Thread

[J_Ray]

Post all your Jokes here, that way we don't have a 100 different joke threads:


<div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post">Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."</div>

 

[Really Lost One]

yo mamma is so dark, and her teeth are so yellow, that when she smiles she looks like a pittsburg steelers helmet

 

[NJNetz]

<div class="quote_poster">Quoting Brian:</div><div class="quote_post">yo mamma is so dark, and her teeth are so yellow, that when she smiles she looks like a pittsburg steelers helmet</div>

You got that from the show "Yo Momma".

 

[amador08]

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.....

 

[H.ayes]

What do you tell a woman with a black eye?

Nothing, she's already been told.

 

[J_Ray]

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned
over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home,
and we stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were
just about to make love when her goddammed husband came in
the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window
and hang from the edge by my fingernails! I didn't dare to even look down!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer
went on.

"When her husband came into the room, he said, 'Hey great!
You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.

And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the
window right onto my head!"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head.

"No wonder you're in a lousy mood".

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and
when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the
window. And where does it land? My forehead!"

"Damn, that's really a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the
husband had to make a dump. Turns out that their toilet is broken, so he
stuck his ass out of the window and let loose, right on my head!"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day"

"Yeah yeah, yeah", the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY
REALLY REALLY pissed me off?

When I looked down and saw that my feet were only six inches off the
ground!"
desertrat218 is offline Add to desertrat218's Reputation Report Bad Post Reply With Quote