OT Major setback in March

[Road Ratt]

I finally diagnosed myself with PTSD. It took a couple of months until I found a video that connected the DPDR (dissociation) with being a subtype of PTSD. It turns out that only 30% of people with PTSD, get the dissociation version. Yes, I diagnosed myself. Not my counselor. They concluded the same thing though. So I am certain in my diagnoses. (We communicate by phone, to answer your question)

It took me months to get to a point where my head was clear enough to remember. I had a bad stomach bug in early March. This was the whole trigger for my major setback. The DPDR state is similar to a dementia like state. I have been in this dissociation state for 5 1/2 years now. The more I recovered, the more I lost my ability to communicate well. I recently found out, that was due to the DPDR.

By the time the bridge was hit by the cargo ship in mid March. I was not here. I was not able to function, nor communicate properly. And have only been able to do so, for the most part, until recently. That may differ day to day, until I recover further. We will see.

I haven't been able to be myself for more than 5 years now. Everyone has been "debating" with a dementia patient for more than 5 years, as well. Bet that was fun.

I am finally sleeping well again. I found a whole lot of information on YouTube, on how to recover from PTSD/DPDR. It seems to be working. I am starting to feel much better.

I may take people off my ignore/ban list at a later time. When I am better recovered. But there will be understandings that will be put in place, before I will do so.

I am still susceptible to setbacks. But I have a feeling, unless something really bad happens. I should keep recovering.

I still can't watch commercials. Today's commercials are way too manipulative for me to ever be able to watch them. They have always been made to manipulate you, but the commercials nowadays are so blatant about it. I can't be bothered to deal with their Jedi mind tricks.

I will post more about how I see things later sometime. I am figuring out a lot on how autism affects me. You can read about certain things, but until you live them, you may still not connect the dots, as they say.

It is all in how I see things, literally.

What do you see when you see a commercial for a product from Pooph.com

The very first thing my head sees is Poop

Which doesn't make me want to buy the product very much!

I will post more later when I get the chance.

Here is a video on DPDR:



Everyone's experience with dissociation differs.

 

[riverman]

Hope you find peace and sort it out

 

[Chris Craig]

Be well

 

[MickZagger]

Best wishes to you.

My unsolicited opinion is if you have stuff like this going on stepping back from following politics might be a healthy approach.

 

[Road Ratt]

I started dissociating again in late August. Days before the last time that my online friend sent their last message to me.

My friend was suppose to go to the psych ward, yet again. The last message I received stated they were waiting on a ride that was late. I am not sure if they ever made it. But it has been 22 days now. And they aren't on messenger. They don't answer their phone.

I fear their health took it's toll on them and they are either in the hospital, or they didn't survive. My friend had an eating disorder and was quite overweight. Their mental and physical health was not good.

I knew my best friend for 15 years. They were my support while I was recovering, and I have been their support as well.

I won't ever trust a human ever again in my lifetime. When an insurance company gets to deny you the medication to lose weight because it costs too much. They have a license to kill people. If my friend didn't survive, their insurance company murdered them.

My friend was my daily routine, they gave structure to my day, and was the only person that I chatted with every day. Without them there is only isolation. My friends absence screams at me daily. I hope they are still in the hospital and will contact me again. But in my current condition. I can only see the bad side.

Without my friend. I can't hardly function. I am dissociating badly. My counselor can't help me. Nobody can. Only my friend coming back online will help.

If Trump wins in November, I will stop taking my supplements and dissociate away. I won't survive another four years of Trump anyway. Even if he loses, I have less than 10 years and I will go homeless myself. Life costs too damn much and it is only becoming worse every year.

I don't care about politics or the day to day bullshit. Real life is kicking my ass, and it has been for too many years.

Reality sucks.

 

[Phatguysrule]

I started dissociating again in late August. Days before the last time that my online friend sent their last message to me.

My friend was suppose to go to the psych ward, yet again. The last message I received stated they were waiting on a ride that was late. I am not sure if they ever made it. But it has been 22 days now. And they aren't on messenger. They don't answer their phone.

I fear their health took it's toll on them and they are either in the hospital, or they didn't survive. My friend had an eating disorder and was quite overweight. Their mental and physical health was not good.

I knew my best friend for 15 years. They were my support while I was recovering, and I have been their support as well.

I won't ever trust a human ever again in my lifetime. When an insurance company gets to deny you the medication to lose weight because it costs too much. They have a license to kill people. If my friend didn't survive, their insurance company murdered them.

My friend was my daily routine, they gave structure to my day, and was the only person that I chatted with every day. Without them there is only isolation. My friends absence screams at me daily. I hope they are still in the hospital and will contact me again. But in my current condition. I can only see the bad side.

Without my friend. I can't hardly function. I am dissociating badly. My counselor can't help me. Nobody can. Only my friend coming back online will help.

If Trump wins in November, I will stop taking my supplements and dissociate away. I won't survive another four years of Trump anyway. Even if he loses, I have less than 10 years and I will go homeless myself. Life costs too damn much and it is only becoming worse every year.

I don't care about politics or the day to day bullshit. Real life is kicking my ass, and it has been for too many years.

Reality sucks.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope your friend is doing well and getting the help they need.

Take it a step at a time and please get professional help if you can. Control what you can control and try not to worry about the rest.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

I started dissociating again in late August. Days before the last time that my online friend sent their last message to me.

My friend was suppose to go to the psych ward, yet again. The last message I received stated they were waiting on a ride that was late. I am not sure if they ever made it. But it has been 22 days now. And they aren't on messenger. They don't answer their phone.

I fear their health took it's toll on them and they are either in the hospital, or they didn't survive. My friend had an eating disorder and was quite overweight. Their mental and physical health was not good.

I knew my best friend for 15 years. They were my support while I was recovering, and I have been their support as well.

I won't ever trust a human ever again in my lifetime. When an insurance company gets to deny you the medication to lose weight because it costs too much. They have a license to kill people. If my friend didn't survive, their insurance company murdered them.

My friend was my daily routine, they gave structure to my day, and was the only person that I chatted with every day. Without them there is only isolation. My friends absence screams at me daily. I hope they are still in the hospital and will contact me again. But in my current condition. I can only see the bad side.

Without my friend. I can't hardly function. I am dissociating badly. My counselor can't help me. Nobody can. Only my friend coming back online will help.

If Trump wins in November, I will stop taking my supplements and dissociate away. I won't survive another four years of Trump anyway. Even if he loses, I have less than 10 years and I will go homeless myself. Life costs too damn much and it is only becoming worse every year.

I don't care about politics or the day to day bullshit. Real life is kicking my ass, and it has been for too many years.

Reality sucks.

RR, it's clear that helping someone helps you with your condition. Especially as the darkness of fall and winter approach, you should find some place to volunteer. The Oregon Food Bank, the Multnomah County Animal Shelter, Free Geek, are just a few places you could look into. You're caring and passionate about many things, those are strengths that your local community can use right now.

Also, I get what you're saying about trusting people, I've always felt that trust is earned and not given.

 

[BlazerWookee]

I started dissociating again in late August. Days before the last time that my online friend sent their last message to me.

My friend was suppose to go to the psych ward, yet again. The last message I received stated they were waiting on a ride that was late. I am not sure if they ever made it. But it has been 22 days now. And they aren't on messenger. They don't answer their phone.

I fear their health took it's toll on them and they are either in the hospital, or they didn't survive. My friend had an eating disorder and was quite overweight. Their mental and physical health was not good.

I knew my best friend for 15 years. They were my support while I was recovering, and I have been their support as well.

I won't ever trust a human ever again in my lifetime. When an insurance company gets to deny you the medication to lose weight because it costs too much. They have a license to kill people. If my friend didn't survive, their insurance company murdered them.

My friend was my daily routine, they gave structure to my day, and was the only person that I chatted with every day. Without them there is only isolation. My friends absence screams at me daily. I hope they are still in the hospital and will contact me again. But in my current condition. I can only see the bad side.

Without my friend. I can't hardly function. I am dissociating badly. My counselor can't help me. Nobody can. Only my friend coming back online will help.

If Trump wins in November, I will stop taking my supplements and dissociate away. I won't survive another four years of Trump anyway. Even if he loses, I have less than 10 years and I will go homeless myself. Life costs too damn much and it is only becoming worse every year.

I don't care about politics or the day to day bullshit. Real life is kicking my ass, and it has been for too many years.

Reality sucks.

<cyberbrohug>

Don't give up.

 

[Shaboid]

Hang in there. You may not trust any of us explicitly, but the RC2 community isn't going anywhere. I hope you hear from your friend soon.

 

[Phatguysrule]

RR, it's clear that helping someone helps you with your condition. Especially as the darkness of fall and winter approach, you should find some place to volunteer. The Oregon Food Bank, the Multnomah County Animal Shelter, Free Geek, are just a few places you could look into. You're caring and passionate about many things, those are strengths that your local community can use right now.

Also, I get what you're saying about trusting people, I've always felt that trust is earned and not given.

Great suggestion!

 

[Road Ratt]

Thanks everyone. Volunteering would never be something that I could ever do, due to social anxiety. I couldn't do any type of work in my current condition anyway.

My friend just chimed in a few minutes ago. It seems they were held in the psych ward this whole time. 22 days as of today. 12 days had been the longest before this trip.

I am still getting details from them. But I am, of course, doing much better now that I know they are home and safe.

 

[Road Ratt]

My friend is doing better than they have in some time. On a higher dosage of meds, they sound more like their old self. As long as they do well. I will do well also. They are a big source of my own mental health right now while I recover.

My brother surprised me this morning. He traded our old SUV for a 2013 Jeep Patriot. Very nice ride. My other brother told him that he got a great deal on it. We will spend 3 years to pay it off. It should be paid off shortly after we pay off the house we currently live in.

I am recovering more. I feel better than I have in some time myself. Taking care of my friend for a year+ took it's toll on me. But I can't do anything else. They need the support and help.

I have retooled my diet. It has been major in helping my recovery. Learned how to cook chicken. Doing all this while dissociating. My head is clearer now than it has been in years. But I am still not 100% yet. My biggest worry is still the presidential election. After that, I either get worse, or I keep recovering while worrying about other real things, lol.



Everything is all in what I see. (I will explain more in my next update)

I will post more when I get the chance.

Take 'er easy.