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Sources within the Portland Trail Blazers organization report that after an extensive national search, team owner Paul Allen has decided to name retired forward Rasheed Wallace as the team's next head coach, effective immediately.
According to officials at the team's Seattle headquarters, the decision to bring on the controversial Wallace, who as a player held the league's career record for technical fouls, came as Allen and his advisors realized that the team is headed for another lackluster season on the court. "The idea is to create as much of a spectacle as possible about anything other than wins and losses," the source said. "There's also the nostalgia factor, since the Blazers haven't been a contender since 'Sheed left in '04."
The team also hopes to impress on fans that Wallace once threatened to punch out the lights of then-NBA referee Tim Donaghy, who has since been disgraced in a gambling scandal. "Fists don't lie," a team insider noted. The incident took place in the Rose Garden parking garage following a Blazer loss.
Wallace, long unable to unload a mansion he owns in Portland's Dunthorpe neighborhood, has reportedly spent most of his career earnings and needs a steady job. "At least he's got the crib in Dunthorpe to fall back on," said one Blazer front-office manager, who refused to be quoted for the record. "It's got a pool table, which is important to him."
In their recent quest for a head coach, the Blazers have called on Jerry Sloan, Mike D'Antoni, Phil Jackson, and many other quality coaches, but none have shown any interest in working for Allen. In contrast, the sources said, Wallace and new Blazers general manager Neil Olshey immediately hit it off in preliminary discussions. "Both sides interviewed hard," said one long-time Blazer official.
The reaction from local sports commentators has been guarded. Dwight Jaynes of Talkin' Ball was not available to file a report, as he is recovering from a hand injury following an accident involving an Ichiro voodoo doll. Blazer TV commentator Mike Barrett responded to a reporter's inquiry with a long list of mind-numbing statistics devoid of any content. "The head coaching search is on a 10 to 2 run," was the last thing heard before he and the reporter both dozed off. Portland sports pundit John Canzano said that he would produce a comprehensive look at the Wallace hiring as soon as he finishes detailing Merritt Paulson's BMW.
According to officials at the team's Seattle headquarters, the decision to bring on the controversial Wallace, who as a player held the league's career record for technical fouls, came as Allen and his advisors realized that the team is headed for another lackluster season on the court. "The idea is to create as much of a spectacle as possible about anything other than wins and losses," the source said. "There's also the nostalgia factor, since the Blazers haven't been a contender since 'Sheed left in '04."
The team also hopes to impress on fans that Wallace once threatened to punch out the lights of then-NBA referee Tim Donaghy, who has since been disgraced in a gambling scandal. "Fists don't lie," a team insider noted. The incident took place in the Rose Garden parking garage following a Blazer loss.
Wallace, long unable to unload a mansion he owns in Portland's Dunthorpe neighborhood, has reportedly spent most of his career earnings and needs a steady job. "At least he's got the crib in Dunthorpe to fall back on," said one Blazer front-office manager, who refused to be quoted for the record. "It's got a pool table, which is important to him."
In their recent quest for a head coach, the Blazers have called on Jerry Sloan, Mike D'Antoni, Phil Jackson, and many other quality coaches, but none have shown any interest in working for Allen. In contrast, the sources said, Wallace and new Blazers general manager Neil Olshey immediately hit it off in preliminary discussions. "Both sides interviewed hard," said one long-time Blazer official.
The reaction from local sports commentators has been guarded. Dwight Jaynes of Talkin' Ball was not available to file a report, as he is recovering from a hand injury following an accident involving an Ichiro voodoo doll. Blazer TV commentator Mike Barrett responded to a reporter's inquiry with a long list of mind-numbing statistics devoid of any content. "The head coaching search is on a 10 to 2 run," was the last thing heard before he and the reporter both dozed off. Portland sports pundit John Canzano said that he would produce a comprehensive look at the Wallace hiring as soon as he finishes detailing Merritt Paulson's BMW.
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