First off, somebody had to tell me Britain was still around. Wigs, cannonballs--the whole thing. I thought we were talking about ancient history, here. I mean, didn't we beat Britain in the Civil War? Makes no sense.
So anyway I talked to this woman, nasty woman, not even a queen. Can you believe it? I mean, give me a princess at least. As long as we're still in pretend land.
She told me Americans want to buy British cars. Really? American's want little MG's that look like they need to be wound up? Not this cowboy. My car needs to be something, y'know, meaty. Something that wouldn't lose speed after running over a couple of Standing Rock protesters. Lots of metal.
If Britain really is still a country, and I'm suspicious, I mean really suspicious, they should just take what we give them and be happy. Here, have some Starbucks. Have some, y'know, Lululemon. Whatever. We have it all. Have Spencer's. Have SkyMall. I don't get it. They are so behind. What are they going to give us? What? Actors that can talk American? We have those already. We got an American Batman now. I think Garfield is American Superman? I'm not sure.
I said they could have Obamacare but she said they already have it. So then I said they can't have it anymore and she said they're working on that. This really is too much.
A cape and a gold crown. That'd get things going. Send those over.