Random Jokes

[Illosophee]

<span style="font-family:Tahoma">Just post random jokes.<span style="font-size:36pt;line-height:100%">NO RACIST JOKES</span>Q: Why was the police officer in the bed?A: Because he was an undercover cop.Q: When does a doctor get mad?A: When he runs out of patients.Q: What did 50 Cent say when his grandmother knitted him a sweater?A: Gee-U-Knit?Two blondes were going to Disney Land. On a sign, it read "Disney Land- Left", so they went home.Things to Ponder:When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?<span style="font-size:14pt;line-height:100%">A bet made at the local bar</span>A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."</span>

 

[Devlin]

If a quiz is Quizzical, then what's a test ?

 

[Illosophee]

<span style="font-family:Tahoma">Knock, knock.Who's there?Boo.Boo who?Cry baby.:no3:</span>

 

[nba dogmatist]

I've heard a version of the bartender one, but he had to pee in the cup instead of spray.

 

[Franchise835]

Q:What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?A:Tooth Hurty HAHAHAHHAHA......no

 

[dsounG]

^Lol, That's actually pretty funny.

 

[nba dogmatist]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Franchise835 @ Nov 12 2006, 05:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>Q:What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?A:Tooth Hurty HAHAHAHHAHA......no</div>gotta be the corniest joke I've ever heard in my entire life, but I actually laughed. hahaha

 

[ReppinTheD]

Q: What are the similarities between a Blonde and the Bermuda triangle?A: They both swallow a lot of Sea men.

 

[Pacers fan forever]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (ReppinTheD @ Nov 12 2006, 06:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>Q: What are the similarities between a Blonde and the Bermuda triangle?A: They both swallow a lot of Sea men.</div>naughty, naughty, naughty :no3:

 

[SirLaker]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (ReppinTheD @ Nov 12 2006, 03:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>Q: What are the similarities between a Blonde and the Bermuda triangle?A: They both swallow a lot of Sea men.</div> :HAHAHA:

 

[ElMaster]

Q: Why is T scared of V?A: It comes after U! :no3: :no3:

 

[Justice]

What's black and blue and doesn't like to have sex?The 12 year old girl in the trunk of my car.

 

[CB4allstar]

How did the crazy person get through the woods?He took the psycho path!I got that on my phone, and I thought it was pretty good haha

 

[G=K]

I guess this technically isn't racist...what do you call a gay dinasaur?megasoreasswhat do you call a lesbian dinasaur?lickalottapus

 

[SunnyD]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Justice @ Nov 12 2006, 07:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>What's black and blue and doesn't like to have sex?The 12 year old girl in the trunk of my car.</div> :HAHAHA: That is the best joke I've heard in a long time.How many men does it take to open a beer?None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.How do you know when a women will say something smart?When she starts off a statement saying "A man once told me..."

 

[BALLAHOLLIC]

How are women and tornadoes alike?They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs."Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

 

[G=K]

rofl herpes would suck.

 

[7Goat]

Ok, here's a joke. Did any of you guys hear the one about the lollipop?Nevermind, the joke actually SUCKS. :HAHAHA: PLAY ON WORDS!Comedy HOF.

 

[CB4allstar]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (G=K @ Nov 13 2006, 04:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>I guess this technically isn't racist...what do you call a gay dinasaur?megasoreasswhat do you call a lesbian dinasaur?lickalottapus</div>LMAO, that's good. Im gonna tellt hat to my friends tomorrow at school

 

[dsounG]

Okay, There was a Blonde, Brunette and a Redhead. They are on death row and about to get executed.Okay, So the Brunette is up to get executed. The Cop says "Any last wishes?" She replies "No"The Cop gets ready and goes, "READY AIM!..." Then the Brunette suddenly says "TORNADO!" Then everybody starts to scream and run while she escapes.Okay, Now it's the Redheads turn to get executed. The Cop says "Any last wishes?" She says "No"The Cop gets ready and goes, "READY AIM!..." Then the Redhead suddenly says "EARTHQUAKE" Then everybody starts to panic and hit the ground while the redhead escapes.Okay, The blonde understands everything now. The blonde was up next to get executed. The Cop says to her "Any last wishes" She says "No". The Cop gets ready and says, "READY AIM..." Then the Blonde goes..."FIRE!!!!!!!"

 

[Illosophee]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (dsounG @ Nov 13 2006, 08:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>Okay, There was a Blonde, Brunette and a Redhead. They are on death row and about to get executed.Okay, So the Brunette is up to get executed. The Cop says "Any last wishes?" She replies "No"The Cop gets ready and goes, "READY AIM!..." Then the Brunette suddenly says "TORNADO!" Then everybody starts to scream and run while she escapes.Okay, Now it's the Redheads turn to get executed. The Cop says "Any last wishes?" She says "No"The Cop gets ready and goes, "READY AIM!..." Then the Redhead suddenly says "EARTHQUAKE" Then everybody starts to panic and hit the ground while the redhead escapes.Okay, The blonde understands everything now. The blonde was up next to get executed. The Cop says to her "Any last wishes" She says "No". The Cop gets ready and says, "READY AIM..." Then the Blonde goes..."FIRE!!!!!!!"

</div> :HAHAHA:

 

[CB4allstar]

That's great also :HAHAHA:

 

[Illosophee]

<span style="font-family:Tahoma">Here's a joke I heard a long time ago:A cowboy rode into town on a horse and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished drinking, he found his horse had been stolen.The cowboy came back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caughted it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered."I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't wanna have to do what I dun back in Texas!"Some of the locals shifted restlessly.The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and prepared to ride out of town. The bartender came outside and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"</span>

 

[JRICH23]

Ok I got someWhat is the difference between CB4 and Borat?about 8 inches in height and a mustache!just kiddinganywaysOk, a sandwich walked in a bar, sat down and asked for a beer. The bartender then said "Sorry we dont serve food here."Here is another.Why were there only 2,000 mexicans at the battle of the alamo?Because the mexicans had only 2 Trucks!<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Illosophee @ Nov 13 2006, 10:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'><span style="font-family:Tahoma">Here's a joke I heard a long time ago:A cowboy rode into town on a horse and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished drinking, he found his horse had been stolen.The cowboy came back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caughted it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered."I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't wanna have to do what I dun back in Texas!"Some of the locals shifted restlessly.The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and prepared to ride out of town. The bartender came outside and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"</span></div>I think you might have said something wrong in there cause no offense but that was not funny at all.

 

[Illosophee]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (JRICH23 @ Nov 13 2006, 11:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>Here is another.Why were there only 2,000 mexicans at the battle of the alamo?Because the mexicans had only 2 Trucks!I think you might have said something wrong in there cause no offense but that was not funny at all.</div><span style="font-family:Tahoma">I already stated in the first post:<span style="font-size:36pt;line-height:100%">NO RACIST JOKES!</span>Also, about my joke:I think you must have misunderstood. The cowboy had his horse stolen before, too. He made threats about how he doesn't want to do what he's "dun in Texas". The town locals get intimidated and they bring his horse back. Turns out that the cowboy wouldn't have done anything anyone. All he did in Texas when his horse was stolen was walk home.</span>

 

[JRICH23]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Illosophee @ Nov 13 2006, 10:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'><span style="font-family:Tahoma">I already stated in the first post:<span style="font-size:36pt;line-height:100%">NO RACIST JOKES!</span>Also, about my joke:I think you must have misunderstood. The cowboy had his horse stolen before, too. He made threats about how he doesn't want to do what he's "dun in Texas". The town locals get intimidated and they bring his horse back. Turns out that the cowboy wouldn't have done anything anyone. All he did in Texas when his horse was stolen was walk home.</span></div>Nope sorry, the joke still sucks. Also, that joke isnt really racist. If you lived in south texas you would laugh your ass off at the joke cause it is true just ask ballerman or dogma.

 

[Illosophee]

<span style="font-size:14pt;line-height:100%">1,100th POST!</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma">I live in California. We have illegal immigrants (Mexicans) here, too.How the F*ck is that joke not racist? You must not be all that smart... You're ignorant toward the definition of "racism". You made a stereotypical comment. You're joking that Mexicans all ride around with about one hundred people in one pick-up truck...Though that may be true, it is uncalled for.</span>

 

[JRICH23]

Almost as uncalled for as when you supposedly punched that guy in the face for talking to your "girl". You know what, youre right it was a prejudice joke, you are always right cause you are a bad ass. I feel so lucky to be called ignorant by such a bad ass.

 

[Illosophee]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (JRICH23 @ Nov 14 2006, 12:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>Almost as uncalled for as when you supposedly punched that guy in the face for talking to your "girl". You know what, youre right it was a prejudice joke, you are always right cause you are a bad ass. I feel so lucky to be called ignorant by such a bad ass.</div><span style="font-family:Tahoma">I didn't punch him for talking to her. I punched him for pushing me aside, you fu*kin' douche bag. sh*t...

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