Game Thread Sedatedfork does not suck at Kickball

[Sedatedfork]

So it turns out if you have been in trial for a week (I'm a lawyer), the perfect thing to do is play kickball for the first time in 30+ years. In the second game I was named player of the game. Let me describe this sports center-esque play (Na-na-na na-na-na). They put me in RF because I'm about 10 years older than them all, a bit overweight, and they assume I suck. The bases are loaded and there are two outs. A rather large man kicks the ball towards me in the air. Now these huge rubber balls are not easy to catch. They essentially bounce off of your hands unless you cradle the ball. I did not know this because I haven’t played in 30 frickin' years. I get my hands on this forceful laser in my direction. It bounces off of my right hand and actually propels me to essentially start twisting counterclockwise and falling backwards. The ball ever so slightly goes up in the air. I then in my periphery see the ball to my right as I’m falling in slow motion away from the ball. I hook my right arm and pin the ball against my right shoulder as if I was doing a biceps curl and then as I fall on to my back I roll the pinned ball onto my chest, cradling it with both hands. My hat and glasses go flying as I land on my back with a forceful thud. There are 4 fields at this event and everyone stops what they are doing to marvel in this unbelievable feat in body control and finesse. OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but everyone was in awe and cheered, OK??? We won 15-4. We sadly missed the playoffs by 1 run, but I had a blast and met a lot of new friends. I was named player of the game and I have no idea what such recognition entails, but when I find out I will let you all know.

 

[Orion Bailey]

So it turns out if you have been in trial for a week (I'm a lawyer), the perfect thing to do is play kickball for the first time in 30+ years. In the second game I was named player of the game. Let me describe this sports center-esque play (Na-na-na na-na-na). They put me in RF because I'm about 10 years older than them all, a bit overweight, and they assume I suck. The bases are loaded and there are two outs. A rather large man kicks the ball towards me in the air. Now these huge rubber balls are not easy to catch. They essentially bounce off of your hands unless you cradle the ball. I did not know this because I haven’t played in 30 frickin' years. I get my hands on this forceful laser in my direction. It bounces off of my right hand and actually propels me to essentially start twisting counterclockwise and falling backwards. The ball ever so slightly goes up in the air. I then in my periphery see the ball to my right as I’m falling in slow motion away from the ball. I hook my right arm and pin the ball against my right shoulder as if I was doing a biceps curl and then as I fall on to my back I roll the pinned ball onto my chest, cradling it with both hands. My hat and glasses go flying as I land on my back with a forceful thud. There are 4 fields at this event and everyone stops what they are doing to marvel in this unbelievable feat in body control and finesse. OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but everyone was in awe and cheered, OK??? We won 15-4. We sadly missed the playoffs by 1 run, but I had a blast and met a lot of new friends. I was named player of the game and I have no idea what such recognition entails, but when I find out I will let you all know.

Legendary rockstar status!!!

 

[Mediocre Man]

Should be in the main forum. This is outstanding

 

[ABM]

Thanks for posting. Gotta love kickball!



Meanwhile, don't try this at home...

 

[Lanny]

So it turns out if you have been in trial for a week (I'm a lawyer), the perfect thing to do is play kickball for the first time in 30+ years. In the second game I was named player of the game. Let me describe this sports center-esque play (Na-na-na na-na-na). They put me in RF because I'm about 10 years older than them all, a bit overweight, and they assume I suck. The bases are loaded and there are two outs. A rather large man kicks the ball towards me in the air. Now these huge rubber balls are not easy to catch. They essentially bounce off of your hands unless you cradle the ball. I did not know this because I haven’t played in 30 frickin' years. I get my hands on this forceful laser in my direction. It bounces off of my right hand and actually propels me to essentially start twisting counterclockwise and falling backwards. The ball ever so slightly goes up in the air. I then in my periphery see the ball to my right as I’m falling in slow motion away from the ball. I hook my right arm and pin the ball against my right shoulder as if I was doing a biceps curl and then as I fall on to my back I roll the pinned ball onto my chest, cradling it with both hands. My hat and glasses go flying as I land on my back with a forceful thud. There are 4 fields at this event and everyone stops what they are doing to marvel in this unbelievable feat in body control and finesse. OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but everyone was in awe and cheered, OK??? We won 15-4. We sadly missed the playoffs by 1 run, but I had a blast and met a lot of new friends. I was named player of the game and I have no idea what such recognition entails, but when I find out I will let you all know.

Reminds me of the time when I was buying an ice cream cone. I've got this tremor problem in my hands so I lost control as the cone was handed to me. I must have looked like some kind of juggler the way I handled that loose cone. Finally, although it appeared impossible to prevent the cone from hitting the ground, I actually miraculously gained control of the cone. There were several people in the ice cream shop and they all broke into a spontaneous applause. All this from a guy who's no longer able to sign his own name because of my nasty tremor.

Thanks for the story. It brought me great joy.

 

[Orion Bailey]

I want more comedy. Whens the next standup?

 

[CupWizier]

So it turns out if you have been in trial for a week (I'm a lawyer), the perfect thing to do is play kickball for the first time in 30+ years. In the second game I was named player of the game. Let me describe this sports center-esque play (Na-na-na na-na-na). They put me in RF because I'm about 10 years older than them all, a bit overweight, and they assume I suck. The bases are loaded and there are two outs. A rather large man kicks the ball towards me in the air. Now these huge rubber balls are not easy to catch. They essentially bounce off of your hands unless you cradle the ball. I did not know this because I haven’t played in 30 frickin' years. I get my hands on this forceful laser in my direction. It bounces off of my right hand and actually propels me to essentially start twisting counterclockwise and falling backwards. The ball ever so slightly goes up in the air. I then in my periphery see the ball to my right as I’m falling in slow motion away from the ball. I hook my right arm and pin the ball against my right shoulder as if I was doing a biceps curl and then as I fall on to my back I roll the pinned ball onto my chest, cradling it with both hands. My hat and glasses go flying as I land on my back with a forceful thud. There are 4 fields at this event and everyone stops what they are doing to marvel in this unbelievable feat in body control and finesse. OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but everyone was in awe and cheered, OK??? We won 15-4. We sadly missed the playoffs by 1 run, but I had a blast and met a lot of new friends. I was named player of the game and I have no idea what such recognition entails, but when I find out I will let you all know.

Both my son and youngest daughter played kickball in i think what was called the Underdog league. It reminded me of the slow pitch softball leagues where you could drink and play at the same time. They were both very good soccer players so they had an advantage. They had lots of fun doing it.

 

[Sedatedfork]

I want more comedy. Whens the next standup?

Just wrote a long bit this morning. In August I’m doing a 5 min set to open for someone at a paid show

Edit: I will be 1 of 2 people opening for Kevin Shea.

 

[Sedatedfork]

Both my son and youngest daughter played kickball in i think what was called the Underdog league. It reminded me of the slow pitch softball leagues where you could drink and play at the same time. They were both very good soccer players so they had an advantage. They had lots of fun doing it.

Yep, same thing in Seattle. Game 3 Team was completely hammered. It was a very bizarre game.

 

[Orion Bailey]

Just wrote a long bit this morning. In August I’m doing a 5 min set to open for someone at a paid show

PLEASE VIDEO IT AND POST IT... UNLESS YOU SUCK THIS TIME. HAHAHA. YOU WERE GOOD LAST TIME.

 

[Orion Bailey]

oops. Just came form the salty sunday thread. Lol. Sorry.

 

[Chris Craig]

Kickball is the shit

 

[Sedatedfork]

Hmm so my grand prize for Player of the Game was written in the boxscore "POTG [me] flexing catch in the OF" lol

 

[CupWizier]

Yep, same thing in Seattle. Game 3 Team was completely hammered. It was a very bizarre game.

A little trivia note, a former Blazer played on my daughter's kickball team a few years back before he signed to play in Europe. His name was Chris Johnson and only played here 2 partial seasons. All she could say was wow, he's tall as he was 6'11".

 

[Sedatedfork]

A little trivia note, a former Blazer played on my daughter's kickball team a few years back before he signed to play in Europe. His name was Chris Johnson and only played here 2 partial seasons. All she could say was wow, he's tall as he was 6'11".

I remember Chris Johnson! I thought he showed some promise, but I guess never really stuck.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

A little trivia note, a former Blazer played on my daughter's kickball team a few years back before he signed to play in Europe. His name was Chris Johnson and only played here 2 partial seasons. All she could say was wow, he's tall as he was 6'11".

They have professional kickball in Europe?

 

[CupWizier]

They have professional kickball in Europe?

Silly dog. Don't you know good dogs don't yap. Now go fetch my slippers.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

Silly dog. Don't you know good dogs don't yap. Now go fetch my slippers.

You said he was on your daughter's kickball team and then signed to go play in Europe.

 

[CupWizier]

You said he was on your daughter's kickball team and then signed to go play in Europe.

And he did both.

 

[Lanny]

They have professional kickball in Europe?

I think there's still an opening on the Patagonia Geeks if you're that interested.

 

[Lanny]

Silly dog. Don't you know good dogs don't yap. Now go fetch my slippers.

While you're at it, have him bring me my pipe. And tell him not slobber all over like he did the last time.

 

[e_blazer]

So it turns out if you have been in trial for a week (I'm a lawyer), the perfect thing to do is play kickball for the first time in 30+ years. In the second game I was named player of the game. Let me describe this sports center-esque play (Na-na-na na-na-na). They put me in RF because I'm about 10 years older than them all, a bit overweight, and they assume I suck. The bases are loaded and there are two outs. A rather large man kicks the ball towards me in the air. Now these huge rubber balls are not easy to catch. They essentially bounce off of your hands unless you cradle the ball. I did not know this because I haven’t played in 30 frickin' years. I get my hands on this forceful laser in my direction. It bounces off of my right hand and actually propels me to essentially start twisting counterclockwise and falling backwards. The ball ever so slightly goes up in the air. I then in my periphery see the ball to my right as I’m falling in slow motion away from the ball. I hook my right arm and pin the ball against my right shoulder as if I was doing a biceps curl and then as I fall on to my back I roll the pinned ball onto my chest, cradling it with both hands. My hat and glasses go flying as I land on my back with a forceful thud. There are 4 fields at this event and everyone stops what they are doing to marvel in this unbelievable feat in body control and finesse. OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but everyone was in awe and cheered, OK??? We won 15-4. We sadly missed the playoffs by 1 run, but I had a blast and met a lot of new friends. I was named player of the game and I have no idea what such recognition entails, but when I find out I will let you all know.

Amazing story, but you left out one essential detail: Have you filed suit yet against the "rather large man" for inflicting bodily injury upon you?

 

[riverman]

Kickball is the shit

hence the term..."shitkicker"