GotSkillz92
NFLC nflcentral.net Member
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Okay so a guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school.Unfortunately,he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9yearsold.One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.Theyhave bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is alreadyasleepon the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.As youmight expect things start to heat up.The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tellshisgirlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" ifshewants a new position.Lettuce!!!Tomato!!!Lettuce!!!Tomato!!!Lettuce!!!Tomato!!!She screams.Lettuce!!!Tomato!!!Whoa!!!PULL IT OUT!!!PULL IT OUT NOW!!!I can't get pregnant!Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop makingsandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over myface!*!*!*!*!
Heard of it somewhere before. Still a classic. 
J: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coastif you win.What is your name? First only please."Contestant: "Brian."DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."Brian: "Sara."DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"Brian: "She is gonna kill me."DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"Brian: "About 10 minutes."DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever havesaid that if a trip wasn't at stake."Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8o'clock this morning?Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum isstaying with us for a couple of weeks..."DJ: "Uh huh..."Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."Brian: "On the kitchen table."DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previoushundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold,get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sara, shall we?"(Touch tones.....ringing....)Clerk: "Kinkos."DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"Clerk: "This is she."DJ: "Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right nowand I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows notto give any answers away or you'll lose.Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"Sara: "No."DJ: "Good!"Brian: (laughing)Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay?Be completely honest."DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara.If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will beoff to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.Sara: (laughing) "Yes."DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?"Sara: "Oh God, Brian ....uh, this morning before Brian went towork."DJ: "What time?"Sara: "Around 8 this morning."DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"Sara: "12, 15 minutes maybe."DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protecthis manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are onequestion away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"Sara: (laughing) "Yes."DJ: "Where did you have it?"Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?">> > >Brian: "Just tell him, honey."DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"Sara: "Well..."DJ: Come on Sara.....where did you have it?Sarah: "Up the arse....."After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take astation break"And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!</div>
(((RING))))**Pick Up**"Hello?""Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?""No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank"After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank""Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"Brief Pause"Uh, okay then, ..this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on thetable, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy thatDaddy's car just pulled into the driveway""Okay Daddy, just a minute"A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone "I did it Daddy""And what happened honey?" he asked"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ranaround screaming. Then she tripped! over the rug, hit her head on thedresser and now she isn't moving at all!""Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?""He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and hejumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess hedidn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it, he hit thebottom of the pool and I think he's dead"***Long Pause******Longer Pause***Then Daddy says . . .Swimming pool??...Is this 555-7039??????"No.Click.
