OT Sly's house of random, 2019 edition

[yankeesince59]

I shave in the shower while enjoying the hot water. Got a gas hot water heater so I never run out of hot water.

Same here...I also brush my teeth in the shower. You can really rock a tooth brush in the shower...no leaning over the sink, no spitting in the sink, just let the paste run don your chin and belly and down the drain.
By the time I've soaped up, washed my hair, and brushed my teeth, my beard is now well moistened by the steam and shaving is a breeze...a nice shower mirror helps of course.

 

[Lanny]

Same here...I also brush my teeth in the shower. You can really rock a tooth brush in the shower...no leaning over the sink, no spitting in the sink, just let the paste run don your chin and belly and down the drain.
By the time I've soaped up, washed my hair, and brushed my teeth, my beard is now well moistened by the steam and shaving is a breeze...a nice shower mirror helps of course.

I use to hang a mirror on the shower bib (that's plumber talk for water outlet). Now, I've got a fabulous walk in tiled shower with grab bars because my balance is nearly completely destroyed. I also have shower chair supplied by the VA. All this means that I shave by touch. I've got a tough beard and soft skin so it takes me a long time to shave. This gives me extra time to enjoy the hot water.
I use an electric tooth brush mornings so I don't have to worry about hanging over the sink.
I use a manual tooth brush at night because it does a little better job which is needed most before going to bed. I sit down for that because I'm physically unable to stand for more than a minute or two.
My bathroom abounds with grab bars.
Yeah, the shower really helps in getting my hair damp enough to brush properly. No, not like a woman. It only takes me about half a minute to brush my hair.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

 

[Lanny]

Hey, that's a horse's ass.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

 

[SlyPokerDog]

 

[Lanny]

The little boy looks like a zombie that eats human flesh.

 

[RipCityDSCPL]

"Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year's submissions:
==========================================================================================


I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

So this is a competition on who can come up with the best Dad joke then?

 

[yankeesince59]

So this is a competition on who can come up with the best Dad joke then?

???

 

[RipCityDSCPL]

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dad%20joke

dad joke noun
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plural dad jokes
Definition of dad joke
informal

: a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny

 

[yankeesince59]

Alrighty then !

 

[SlyPokerDog]

 

[yankeesince59]

^^^Our judicial system at work...sigh.

 

[stampedehero]

I want one !

Cost? 350K, my guess.

 

[stampedehero]

Get WELL! MI...………..Be a Ravens fan. It feels mighty good!

 

[yankeesince59]

Cost? 350K, my guess.

Not sure, although an early estimate was $279,000.00.......but you just know it will be more than that.

 

[stampedehero]

Not sure, although an early estimate was $279,000.00.......but you just know it will be more than that.

Cole can go to the stadium in one.

 

[Lanny]

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dad%20joke

dad joke noun
Save Word
To save this word, you'll need to log in.
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plural dad jokes
Definition of dad joke
informal

: a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny

Do you mean as in "Who's your daddy?"

 

[RipCityDSCPL]

Do you mean as in "Who's your daddy?"

No. Has no one heard the term 'Dad joke' before?

 

[yankeesince59]

The "New York Times" article I posted referred to them as "Lexophiles". To be honest, I had never heard them called that before, but I've also never heard them called "Dad jokes" either.

I thought they were humorous so I pasted them here...and I just call them "jokes".

 

[TorturedBlazerFan]

The "New York Times" article I posted referred to them as "Lexophiles". To be honest, I had never heard them called that before, but I've also never heard them called "Dad jokes" either.

I thought they were humorous so I pasted them here...and I just call them "jokes".

I hear the term Dad jokes all the time. I never tell them though.

 

[yankeesince59]

I hear the term Dad jokes all the time.

Either it's regional saying, ...or I need to get out more often.

 

[hoopsjock]

No. Has no one heard the term 'Dad joke' before?

Yeah, Dad Jokes are definitely a thing.

I hear the term Dad jokes all the time. I never tell them though.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure you don't!

 

[SlyPokerDog]

Dad joke

 

[Lanny]

No. Has no one heard the term 'Dad joke' before?

Merry Christmas, RipCityDSCPL.

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

3 unwritten rules of life...
1.
2.
3.

SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

 

[PtldPlatypus]

Merry Christmas, RipCityDSCPL.

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

3 unwritten rules of life...
1.
2.
3.

SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Those should all be written on paper, because they're tearable.

 

[Dougnsalem]

 

[SlyPokerDog]