Well, I Screwed Up..

[Boob-No-More]

Mags was saying you are if you tell her you were wrong even if you don't think you are.

I don't tell her I'm wrong if I'm not. You're right, that wouldn't be honest. Like I said, we discuss it like rational adults, and work things out. We've only been together a year, but haven't had a single fight. We work things out before they become problems.

We are both recently divorced, after very long marriages, and the common theme in both failed marriages was poor communications that led to a breakdown of the marriage. We're both determined not to repeat past mistakes.

BNM

 

[magnifier661]

Yes, but that wasn't what Mags was saying. Mags was saying you are if you tell her you were wrong even if you don't think you are. You know, the open and honest communication you refer to. It's not honest communication if you say you're wrong and don't feel it's the truth, just to appease someone from getting mad.

Glad someone read me right. I thought I had trouble explaining what I meant

 

[magnifier661]

I don't tell her I'm wrong if I'm not. You're right, that wouldn't be honest. Like I said, we discuss it like rational adults, and work things out. We've only been together a year, but haven't had a single fight. We work things out before they become problems.

We are both recently divorced, after very long marriages, and the common theme in both failed marriages was poor communications that led to a breakdown of the marriage. We're both determined not to repeat past mistakes.

BNM

Then sir you are not whipped. Sorry if I misunderstood your post. I agree with this thinking 100%

 

[ABM]

Yes, but that wasn't what Mags was saying. Mags was saying you are if you tell her you were wrong even if you don't think you are. You know, the open and honest communication you refer to. It's not honest communication if you say you're wrong and don't feel it's the truth, just to appease someone from getting mad.

For the record, with the flowers......it wasn't that I was telling her I was wrong even though I actually thought I was right in my mind. In fact, what I was telling her was that, even though I felt it was somewhat of a misunderstanding, I was inconsiderate of her situation/hopes and, ultimately, her feelings....and forged ahead with my plans....and that I was wrong in that.......and please forgive me.

BNM made a very quality statement following all that which I truly took to heart. That is, when a situation potentially involves each other, at least run things by her before making time/activity assumptions. It's a very easy thing to do.....up front. Damage control can be time-consuming......and costly.

 

[Boob-No-More]

No being whipped is saying you're wrong because your girl thinks you are. And from the way I read your post, it sounded like you would say your wrong even if you disagree.

Nope. The thread title is "Well I Screwed Up". My advice to ABM was based on the prior knowledge that he had clearly done something wrong.

Many problems in relationships are caused by simple misunderstandings. If you don't talk about the reasons behind the "problems", they never get fixed and small issues grow into big ones. So, when we have a misunderstanding, we determine what went wrong and figure out a way to avoid similar misunderstandings in the future - communicate more clearly, avoid making assumptions, etc. We don't point fingers or play the blame game. We discuss it calmly and rationally.

BNM

 

[magnifier661]

Nope. The thread title is "Well I Screwed Up". My advice to ABM was based on the prior knowledge that he had clearly done something wrong.

Many problems in relationships are caused by simple misunderstandings. If you don't talk about the reasons behind the "problems", they never get fixed and small issues grow into big ones. So, when we have a misunderstanding, we determine what went wrong and figure out a way to avoid similar misunderstandings in the future - communicate more clearly, avoid making assumptions, etc. We don't point fingers or play the blame game. We discuss it calmly and rationally.

BNM

Well I've been with my fiancé for 2.5 years and we've had as many arguments that I can count on one hand. A relationship isn't work if you find the right person. I've apologized many times and she has too. But what I've learned are woman don't want weak men. Unless of course they want to run them.

 

[Boob-No-More]

BNM made a very quality statement following all that which I truly took to heart. That is, when a situation potentially involves each other, at least run things by her before making time/activity assumptions. It's a very easy thing to do.....up front. Damage control can be time-consuming......and costly.

Glad my point got through! I think you'll find that discussing plans together not only reduces the chance of problems down the road, it can also be a hell of a lot of fun. That's one of the things my girl and I enjoy doing - planning future trips and activities together.

We're doing that right now, planning a four-day romantic get away for mid-January, to give us something to look forward to between Christmas and Valentine's Day. We started with a blank piece of paper, and are narrowing down the choices. By working on it together, we will be sure to come up with something that meets both of our expectations. Plus, two minds really are better than one. She thinks of places I would never have found on my own, and vise versa.

BNM

 

[Spud147]

I can't speak for all women but for me, don't say you were wrong unless you feel you were wrong. It's condescending. But then I am a pretty well adjusted women (no comments from you nerds needed here) and don't want to be dominated and don't want to be able to dominate my partner. I want to be equal, give and take. I'm way too independent to let someone boss me around and I won't be attracted to him if he don't stand up for yourself.

I can understand why Blazer Wookee finds this confusing. It's tough to communicate when you can only yell random noises and type with huge hairy paws.

 

[magnifier661]

I can understand why Blazer Wookee finds this confusing. It's tough to communicate when you can only yell random noises and type with huge hairy paws.

Omg I lol so hard! Repp'd

 

[Boob-No-More]

A relationship isn't work if you find the right person.

EXACTLY! That's the way I feel about my girl. She's so amazing, and this relationship is so amazing, I want it to last. You're right, doing what it takes to keep the relationship strong isn't work. Getting to know each other better is fun! We talk for hours every day. The more I get to know about her, the more I respect her and admire her. Plus, she's a hell of a lot of fun. One of the best parts of our relationship is our senses of humor are 100% compatible. We laugh a LOT. Life is good, life is fun.

But what I've learned are woman don't want weak men. Unless of course they want to run them.

Yeah, I'm a bit of an enigma. I like to think I'm enlightened, progressive and open minded. I enjoy women. I respect them and treat them right. But, I also have an inner caveman (I blame a couple million years of evolution) and feel very strongly that it's my job to protect the women and children. Some women may find that chauvinistic or offensive. My girl is very strong, intelligent and independent, but fortunately for me, she still likes a big, strong man that makes her feel safe and protected.

BNM

 

[ABM]

We're....planning a four-day romantic get away for mid-January, to give us something to look forward to between Christmas and Valentine's Day. We started with a blank piece of paper, and are narrowing down the choices. By working on it together, we will be sure to come up with something that meets both of our expectations. Plus, two minds really are better than one. She thinks of places I would never have found on my own, and vise versa.

BNM

Here's a thought....Just sayin'.

http://www.livingsocial.com/escapes...rt?msdc_id=867-portland-eastside-vancouver-wa

 

[Boob-No-More]

I want to be equal, give and take.

Yep, I could never be with a woman I didn't respect and consider my equal - no matter how hot she is. Seriously, I tried that when I was much younger, and it never lasted. Intelligence is a huge turn on and keeps the relationship interesting. I'm very lucky. I have finally found a woman who I respect and consider my equal in every way - plus, she's also hot as hell!

I'm way too independent to let someone boss me around and I won't be attracted to him if he don't stand up for yourself.

Honest question: Even though you can stand up for yourself and fight your own battles, do you also want the man in your life to stand up for you and come to your defense? Or, do you find that condescending? I know my girl is fully capable of taking care of herself. She is very strong mentally, and amazingly strong physically given her petite stature. But, I'll be damned if the caveman in me will stand by and let some asshole be rude or disrespectful to her.

BNM

 

[ABM]

Honest question: Even though you can stand up for yourself and fight your own battles, do you also want the man in your life to stand up for you and come to your defense? Or, do you find that condescending? I know my girl is fully capable of taking care of herself. She is very strong mentally, and amazingly strong physically given her petite stature. But, I'll be damned if the caveman in me will stand by and let some asshole be rude or disrespectful to her.

BNM

There's a Biblical principal which talks about a wife being submissive to her husband. It's gotten SO blown out of proportion and misunderstood. The best that I can describe it is, the wife is submissive to her husband only in the context that she's submissive to his overall umbrella of protection. It's the "protection" part she submissive to. "Protection" requires a great amount of love and ultimate responsibility on the husband's part.

 

[Boob-No-More]

Here's a thought....Just sayin'.

http://www.livingsocial.com/escapes...rt?msdc_id=867-portland-eastside-vancouver-wa

LOL! I've taken my ex-wife and kids there multiple times (before the divorce, obviously).

Thanks, but we're looking for something a little warmer and further from home. We already have plans for Valentine's Day at Inn of the Five Graces in Santa Fe. We also have a trip to Dallas the first weekend of March.

So, we're thinking of maybe Phoenix or Palm Springs. We don't really need any activities as we plan to spend all the time together in the room relaxing and enjoying ourselves. We want a fireplace (prefer a real wood fireplace over gas), a two person jacuzzi, excellent choices in room service dining, but also a kitchen for preparing some meals ourselves.

BNM

 

[ABM]

....So, we're thinking of maybe Phoenix or Palm Springs. We don't really need any activities as we plan to spend all the time together in the room relaxing and enjoying ourselves. We want a fireplace (prefer a real wood fireplace over gas), a two person jacuzzi, excellent choices in room service dining, but also a kitchen for preparing some meals ourselves.

BNM

 

[BlazerWookee]

I can't speak for all women but for me, don't say you were wrong unless you feel you were wrong. It's condescending. But then I am a pretty well adjusted women (no comments from you nerds needed here) and don't want to be dominated and don't want to be able to dominate my partner. I want to be equal, give and take. I'm way too independent to let someone boss me around and I won't be attracted to him if he don't stand up for yourself.

I can understand why Blazer Wookee finds this confusing. It's tough to communicate when you can only yell random noises and type with huge hairy paws.

RAAAAAAAAAAAARR!!! (translated from the Wookiee: "Yeah, what she said!")

 

[magnifier661]

EXACTLY! That's the way I feel about my girl. She's so amazing, and this relationship is so amazing, I want it to last. You're right, doing what it takes to keep the relationship strong isn't work. Getting to know each other better is fun! We talk for hours every day. The more I get to know about her, the more I respect her and admire her. Plus, she's a hell of a lot of fun. One of the best parts of our relationship is our senses of humor are 100% compatible. We laugh a LOT. Life is good, life is fun.



Yeah, I'm a bit of an enigma. I like to think I'm enlightened, progressive and open minded. I enjoy women. I respect them and treat them right. But, I also have an inner caveman (I blame a couple million years of evolution) and feel very strongly that it's my job to protect the women and children. Some women may find that chauvinistic or offensive. My girl is very strong, intelligent and independent, but fortunately for me, she still likes a big, strong man that makes her feel safe and protected.

BNM

Absolutely agree with everything you have said on this post. It's exactly the way I feel. It's not that I run her or she runs me. We run each other and together are much better people because of it!

 

[3RA1N1AC]

i was just teasin abm, good for you, you too bnm

my policy in relationships is always "whatever works"

some girls like to get their ass slapped some girls like to do the slapping

 

[ABM]

The flowers have been ordered.....and she'll be receiving them tomorrow.

SUCCESS!!!

 

[Hobbesarable]

SUCCESS!!!

WTG! And you can also refer to the Ellen Show you've been watching recently. Seriously, admit when you are wrong, let her take some time to cool off, and communicate with her always.

 

[tlongII]

Does anyone else find it odd that virtually all of the relationship advice in this thread is coming from divorcees?

 

[ABM]

Does anyone else find it odd that virtually all of the relationship advice in this thread is coming from divorcees?

Sure, why not? It's called (hopefully) learning from past mistakes.

 

[3RA1N1AC]

if at first you dont succeed....

 

[ABM]

This is the note I put on the flowers:

 

[Denny Crane]

Barfo needs flowers. He's giving everyone the cold shoulder.

 

[BLAZINGGIANTS]

Define whipped. If being pussy whipped means I get all the pussy I want, whenever, wherever and however I want it, sign me up!

Seriously, I treat my girl as my equal, because she is. She appreciates that. She's a rational, intelligent human being. If she thinks I did something wrong, she tells me. Sometimes she's right, sometimes it was just a misunderstanding. Either way, open, honest communication lets us fix any little problems before they become big ones.

BNM

Agreed, except no woman is rational. If you believe she is, you're PW'd.

 

[BLAZINGGIANTS]

No being whipped is saying you're wrong because your girl thinks you are. And from the way I read your post, it sounded like you would say your wrong even if you disagree.

Btw I get all the pussy I want too. And I get to keep my dignity. I would rather be in that camp.

This.

 

[ABM]

if at first you dont succeed....

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

 

[MickZagger]

A couple things that women dig that works everytime. Act like you're 100% interested in what she has to say all the time (even if you could give a rats ass about how her day was at work). If you're into a chick enough to kiss her all the time, master that art and you have the poon key around your finger. Maintain these two things and you're golden.

 

[The_Lillard_King]

A couple things that women dig that works everytime. Act like you're 100% interested in what she has to say all the time (even if you could give a rats ass about how her day was at work). If you're into a chick enough to kiss her all the time, master that art and you have the poon key around your finger. Maintain these two things and you're golden.

Yes, deception and false impressions is a great start to a long and stable relationship.