First, let me clear up the rumors about Portland. They’re all true. Yes, the city is based on the TV show Portlandia. Yes, it’s the closest thing to Europe we have here in America. Yes, most people work in the service industry and have time for their own creative side projects. Yes, there are a lot of food carts and facial hair and handcrafted everythings. Yes, the local music scene is awesome and incredibly well-informed. Yes, Hipsters here are 40% sneerierer. Yes, it is Beervana and Herb-tacular. You East Coasters don't know what you're missing. And the thing is you don't even know you don't know. How could you? (I was one of you once.)
So basically Portland is the Bizzaro World Brooklyn, or ‘Brooklyn through the looking glass’, whatever you want to call it - half the rent, twice the space.
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Along the same lines, I posit that the Blazers are the Bizarro-World Knicks – I’m sure you’re aware of the two squads’ polar opposite fates of late. But it goes further - for each guy on NY’s roster, there is an equivalent counterpart with contrarian characterisics in Portland. I will briefly break down / hint at these relationships, so that you may find the Blazers charming and likable, much as I have
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Blazarro Melo: LaMarcus Aldridge. Mild-mannered, spotlight-shunning superstar who always works tirelessly on defense and on the boards. Looks for his shots within the team concept;
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Blazarro JR: Nicolas Batum. Has all the tools in the shed, and knows how to stay out of said shed.
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Blazarro Dalembert: Robin Lopez.....The quirky intellectual hardworker fits this team and city like a glove with unicorns on it.
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Blazarro THJ: Steve Blake. Death-staring little guy who is always needling you with his fingers in your ribs on defense. Not concerned with appearances - probably doesn’t brush his teeth so he can annoy you every time he breathes on you
