Strenuus
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I was nowhere near Tigard today.
That's exactly what a person who was getting cocai--- dog treats --- in tigard would say.
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I was nowhere near Tigard today.
Finally the truth has been exposed!
A lot of people have been asking me what it's like being on the COVID wards in the hospital, so I figured I'd share what a typical day looks like for me:
6am - Wake up. Roll off of my pile of money that Big Pharma gave me. Softly weep as it doesn’t put a dent in my medical school loans
6:30am - Make breakfast, using only foods from the diet that gives me everlasting life by avoiding all fats, sugars, carbs, and proteins. For details buy my book and check out my shop.
7am - Get to work, load up my syringes with coronavirus before rounds.
8am - See my patients for the day. Administer the medications that the government tells me to. Covertly rub essential oils on the ones I want to get better.
9:30am - Call Bill Gates to check how 5G tower construction is going, hoping for more coronavirus soon. He tells me they’re delayed due to repairs on the towers used to spread the Black Plague. Curse the fact that this is the most efficient way to spread infectious diseases.
10am - One patient tells me he knows “the truth” about coronavirus. I give him a Tdap booster. He becomes autistic in front of my eyes. He’ll never conspire against me again.
11am - Tend to the secret hospital garden of St. John’s wort and ginkgo leaves that we save for rich patients and donors.
12:30pm - Pick up my briefcase of money from payroll, my gift from Pfizer for the incomprehensible profits we make off of the free influenza vaccine given every year.
1pm - Conference call with Dr. Fauci and the lab in Wuhan responsible for manufacturing viruses. Tell them my idea about how an apocalypse-style zombie virus would be a cool one to try for the next batch.
2pm - A patient starts asking me about getting rid of toxins. I ask her if she has a liver and kidneys. She tells me she knows “the truth” about Big Anatomy and that the only way to detoxify herself is to eat nothing but lemon wedges and mayonnaise for weeks. I give her a Tdap booster.
2:45pm - Help the FBI, CIA, and CDC silence the masses. Lament the fact that I can only infringe on one or two of their rights. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.
4pm - One of my rich patients begins to crash. Laugh as I realize I’ve mismatched her spirit animal and zodiac moon sign. I switch out the Purple Amethyst above her bed for a Tiger’s Eye geode. She stabilizes. I throw some ginkgo leaves on her for good measure
6pm - Go onto YouTube and see coronavirus conspiracy videos everywhere. Curse my all powerful government for how inept they are at keeping people from spreading “the truth”
6:10pm - Go onto Amazon and see that a book about “the truth” is the #1 seller this week. Question the power of my all powerful government. Make a reminder to myself to get more Tdap boosters from the Surgeon General next time we talk.
7pm - Time to go home. Before I leave, sacrifice a goat to Dr. Fauci and say three Hippocratic Oaths.
9pm - Take a contented sigh as I snuggle under the covers made of the tinfoil hats of my enemies, realizing that my 4 years of medical school and 3 years of residency training have been put to good use today.

Slypokerdog001?I was nowhere near Tigard today.
Wtf, you have a doppelgänger!I was nowhere near Tigard today.
Did you write this or is this from something you found? I got to say that to me, this is in poor taste. I think I understand the joke but it just doesn't sit right with me. If there ever was a time where 'too soon' was appropriate this would be it.
I have a dry sense of humor as well and enjoy tongue in cheek but not this sort at this moment in time.
If you did author this then.......you do you I guess.![]()
Fucking awesome story! Nice you’re negative!So for about the last year i have had some problems in my throat. It's been getting worse and recently i decided i might as well see what happened if i sent an email to my doctor to see what he thought.
I got a reply from his office. I assume a nurse or office manager? She said i better have a "video visit".
I have never had a Video type visit before. We did it on my phone like a face time app. Worked pretty good.
The doctor i had the video visit with decided i need to come in. So we scheduled an appointment.
Then i got the notice! I needed to be tested before the visit. So i had to go to the Expo center drive through test facility. Not that bad either. Not busy but there was a fairly steady stream of cars. You don't get out of you car.
I got my results today. I am Covid-19 free as my test came back negative. So i get to go to the doctor Thursday.
One thing i see is they are charging my insurance for the test. I also think they are trying to call the visit Covid-19 related. I will be checking on that as it most certainly is not Covid related.
Dammit, I wanted to visit there but never got a chance.
I'm able to leave my house... we all are.
I wouldn't post stuff like this without seeing the results of what that does.
Get tested and go have the procedure if the docs deem it necessary. It’s why they are seeing me. This deal I have could be something worse. If it is I will have to deal with it. If not the test was nothing.I'll get tested before my ekg in 10 days at the cardiologists....I was going to cancel but I think I should keep this appt..I need another heart procedure but hope I can put it off for at least a year given the state of things...Lane County has been pretty calm throughout this so far....2 deaths early and none since...I'm definitely a high risk at my age with my bum ticker
Seriously very little about my life has changed. Yes I don’t go to clubs and I do miss eating out. But really nothing is stopping me from going places.BASKING IN FREEDOM, EH?
Seriously very little about my life has changed. Yes I don’t go to clubs and I do miss eating out. But really nothing is stopping me from going places.
Brutalhuffpost.com
The Last 16 Days Of Robert Beaupre's Life
DETROIT ― It was extremely unusual for Robert Beaupre to feel unwell.
He was 67, but he took no medicines and didn’t have any chronic health problems, except for a little arthritis in his fingers that he noticed when he played classical guitar, one of his many passions. He was healthy and active.
So Beau, as most of his friends called him, dismissed the slight fever he developed on March 14.
“He was just kind of annoyed to get sick,’’ said Linda, his wife of 35 years. Their daughter-in-law, 34, was about to have surgery in Arizona for an aggressive type of colon cancer, and Linda was planning to fly there to help with the grandkids.
When Beaupre woke up the next morning, he told his wife he felt terrible and was going to the emergency room.
His choice to drive there alone underscored that he didn’t consider it serious. He assured his wife, “I’m fine. I just have a fever. It’s no big deal,’” she recalled.
Ascension Providence Rochester Hospital, a large community hospital four miles from their home, in Rochester Hills, an upscale suburb north of Detroit, quickly saw Beaupre, and a chest X-ray found his lungs were clear. He was sent home with instructions to quarantine himself.
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“The hospital gave him a sheet listing nine symptoms, and it said if any return, to come back to the ER,” Linda said. “The only symptom of the nine that he had was a fever.”
He was not tested for COVID-19 because he had no cough or sore throat, two of its hallmark symptoms. “We totally understood that they were so scarce that they were just being saved for people who had specific symptoms,’’ Linda said.
His fever kind of came and went for the next few days, she said. “He’d feel really, really bad when his fever went up, but then it would go back down.” His appetite was off, and he had chills and aches. But there was no cough.
They watched “Law and Order” reruns and played with their rescue St. Bernard, Annie. Mostly Beaupre napped. Four days went by. Linda canceled her trip to Arizona. By Friday, he was more or less the same.
A Rapid Shift
On March 21, he awoke coughing. Linda insisted they go back to the hospital. “He said, ‘OK.’ He looked so exhausted.’’
This time, Linda drove. It was chilly and windy, with a hint of snow flurries. At the ER, they took his temperature, put a mask on him and brought him through the lone entrance, typically used for ambulances. Linda couldn’t even hug him goodbye.
They first diagnosed him with pneumonia. By Sunday, tests confirmed he had COVID-19.
Early on, Beau texted his wife, likely with help from the hospital’s nursing staff. “I have just been moved to the ICU ostensibly as a precaution as they try to get my O2 and fever under control. Room 823. Actually, I feel pretty good.”
She called him a few times, but “he’d say things to me, but I couldn’t understand. He didn’t have the energy to enunciate well. I had to keep asking, what did you say? I’m sorry I can’t hear you.”
By Tuesday, texts from Beau “were difficult and brief.” He didn’t have the energy. She sent him a few pictures of their dog, Annie. The nurses at the 8th Floor ICU nursing station also told her to call when she needed to talk. “They were just amazing and so compassionate when they were frustrated by what they didn’t know yet,” Linda said. “And, you know, they were doing everything that they were able to do.’’
His vital signs were good Tuesday. But that night he started to decline. The staff decided to intubate him.
Her phone pinged at 7 a.m. Wednesday with a text from her husband, likely sent by a nurse. “Had the absolute worst night of my life,” it read. “4 nurses came in and helped regulate my breathing … and got my oxygen elevated. Sweetie ― I was really afraid I wasn’t going to make it.”
The text was a blow to the gut for Linda. “Ventilators in my mind are for people who are not going to make it. This is kind of one step before they die. But then I thought, OK, I’ve read stuff about this before …. There were still reports of people that were vented for a couple of weeks and were able to come off.”
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Linda texted him back: “I wish for you to be able to feel my love and the love of SO MANY PEOPLE who are thinking, praying, and worrying for and about you. I’m so scared and wish I was with you. You have to get better please.”
She called the nurses’ station and was told he was resting comfortably. He’d been sedated, but his vital signs remained good. The nurses told her the ventilator would allow his lungs to rest ― it would “give his body the strength to fight the virus.”
Then she got a note from Chadd Mowry, a cardiac nurse at Ascension Rochester and a friend and hockey teammate of her youngest son. He spent so much time at the Beaupre home growing up he was almost like a son, Linda said, but they hadn’t seen him since the boys graduated from high school in 2007.
He’d happened to see Beau’s name on a list of patients, and he texted Linda a photo of the note he left for him: “Hi, Mr. Beaupre. It’s Chadd Mowry . . . I came in to check on you and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. I look forward to talking to you after you beat this virus. You got this!”
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They kept texting, and Mowry became Beau’s biggest advocate inside the hospital. “I feel so bad about this,” Mowry wrote. “Mr. Beaupre was always so great to me. We loved being at your house. Hang in there.’’
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As her husband’s health deteriorated, the hospital let Linda visit. She was taken to a secured area, given a large protective cover-all, a helmet-like head covering and double masks and gloves, and was instructed on how to properly suit up and protect herself. She was told not to touch anything in the room, or him, so she sat bedside, talking to him.
He was unconscious by then, with his hands tucked under a sheet. She sat next to his bed and talked to him for nearly an hour. When she got home, she wrote down more things she wanted to say to her husband ― about their life together, their four sons, hockey, and his love of sailing, woodworking and cabinetry.
His brother, Dave Beaupre, is 18 months older. He said his brother “could do almost anything he put his mind to.” He was an actor, but he also built the sets at the now-defunct Manchester theater where he met Linda. He wrote and acted in a one-man play, “Hem,” about Ernest Hemingway.
“The breadth of his talents just astonished people,” said Dave, who lives just a few miles away from his brother. They talked or texted almost daily, and he last saw his brother two weeks before he was hospitalized.
He never got to say goodbye, but he sent Beau a last text: “I love you bro.’’
‘What Would You Want To Be Done?’
As Beau’s health declined, Linda asked Mowry if there was someplace else he should be.
“They were doing everything they can,” she said, but she asked Mowry, “What if this were your dad? What would you want to be done?”
Mowry said he’d want him transferred to the University of Michigan’s University Hospital, which had technology most other hospitals don’t. Beau’s doctor agreed to a transfer.
But almost three days went by, and Linda heard nothing about the transfer. In the meantime, the hospital tried adjusting his medicines. By then, Beaupre had developed heart issues and his kidneys were beginning to fail; his doctors had tried giving him the anti-malaria drug hydroxychloroquine, which has helped some COVID patients, but caused heart problems in others.
About 10:30 p.m. that Saturday ― seven days after his March 21 admission ― the hospital called to say Beaupre’s transfer had been approved if he could be stabilized and undergo dialysis to shore up his failing kidneys.
Linda awoke Sunday to a text from Mowry saying the transfer could not happen, even though they’d tried for several hours to stabilize him. That afternoon, a hospital staffer called and invited her to visit again. She stayed for six hours, talking to him about their family and friends, things they’d laughed about over the years, and their plans.
“At one point I said, ‘I’m really sorry that you have to just listen to me talk,’” she said. “It’s a running joke in our marriage that I talk a lot.”
She already knew it was unlikely she’d be with her husband when he died. “The few times I let myself think he might not survive this, I thought it would be the absolute lottery to be there with him when he died.’’
She went home, and when she awoke the next morning around 5:30 a.m., she had missed a call from the hospital. Her husband had died at 4:35 a.m. on March 30.
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Now Linda mourns at home, alone, except for their St. Bernard. She remains under quarantine and hopes she and her two youngest sons, who live in the area and had seen their father before he was hospitalized, can get a COVID-19 test. Until then, she talks at a distance from her driveway to those who stop by.
One friend left a hockey stick with a blue ribbon and Beau’s name on her front porch. Someone else tied a blue ribbon with a “Bows for Beau” sign around a tree in her front yard.
She hasn’t decided what to do with her husband’s ashes. She looks forward to having a proper memorial when she can. She’s found talks with friends and family therapeutic, as well as writing about her husband. In his obituary, she listed his many interests, including buying, repairing and selling vintage clocks; reading books in French and listening to a French-speaking Windsor, Ontario, radio station; sailing; and practicing his repertoire of more than 60 songs on his classical, finger-style guitar three to four hours a day.
“The soundtrack of my life is quiet now,” Linda wrote in the obituary. “I will so miss his robust and abiding sense of humor.’’
The family mourns virtually, in Zoom meetings, calls and texts. They recall Beaupre’s “bursting laugh” and large, inquisitive personality.
“He’d talk to everyone,’’ said his brother, Dave. “It doesn’t matter if you were 8 or 98. He was one of the funniest people you’d ever know.”
What gives them some relief is Beaupre himself ― that his life had an impact, that he brought love and joy to everyone left behind.
A HuffPost Guide To Coronavirus
I hope you're ok my friend...I've been dealing with a lot of heart issues the last couple years and could use a break myself from all of itGet tested and go have the procedure if the docs deem it necessary. It’s why they are seeing me. This deal I have could be something worse. If it is I will have to deal with it. If not the test was nothing.
Nerds.
I'm actually cool with the stay at home. The worst part of LA are the people, and they are all at home. I like the masks. People are disgusting and it's nice to have a cleaner society.
I just need a fucking haircut. I'd like to go to Hawaii too. Swim in the ocean. The beaches here in LA suck ass.
