Dog on Press Row

[SlyPokerDog]

To say that I’m feeling pressure would be an understatement. I seem to find myself in a difficult position and on the peripheral edge of some controversy. You see tonight I am sitting on Press Row. It maybe the 200 level press row, or what I call the Isle of Misfit Press, but I am still a credentialed member of the 4th estate.

That shouldn’t be a problem right? I’ve sat here before, I was on press row for 3 games last year. 3 games! But what some of you may or may not know is that our continued existence on press row is not guaranteed. We are on double secret probation. What I write tonight will determine if we have a seat here for the rest of the season. What I write has to be witty, insightful and so damn good that our Blazer corporate benefactors fling open the gates to press heaven.

There are just a couple of problems with this, first I’m not a journalist and worse… I’m a fan. You see as press you have to be dispassionate about the team, you have be stoic and at all times very serious and very professional. This was made clear to me last year when I was explained the unofficial rules of press row.

You cannot wear team memorabilia. No jerseys, t-shirts, hats or anything with a team logo.

You can only stand for the national anthem.

You can’t show emotion. No cheering, high fiving, cussing, yelling, booing. You can’t say that the ref sucks or that scream when a player hits a big shot. No matter what happens you are required to remain in your seated and upright position.

Wait… phone just pinged… email from Blazers… press pass not confirmed… “Jam packed crowd tonight.”


SON OF A &^%$^&%


I guess I’ll put this on hold and go get a haircut.

 

[HomerLovesKoolAid]

 

[Further]

Congrats!
Cheer anyway.
Roses, puppies and delicate Olshey testicles are the topic of your article.
Good luck.

 

[3RA1N1AC]

Sly, I really enjoyed your takes after the few games last year. Ramblings about the bathrooms and periphery events made me feel I was right there with you man.

You'll do great! Have fun!

 

[EL PRESIDENTE]

Don't worry, most of the press, especially bloggers look like they eat mac and cheese out of a box and drink mountain dew like water. you'll fit right in.

 

[Denny Crane]

FWIW, I'm told they're working on getting us the press pass and that a definitive "no" was not given to us.

 

[Denny Crane]

FYI

Blazers confirmed our press pass. SPD will be at the game tonight!

 

[BigGameDamian]

[video=youtube;aSn1g-6h1OQ]

 

[PtldPlatypus]

This, BTW, is one thing I would be very good at. Not necessarily being witty or insightful, but setting my fandom aside and being virtually emotionless while watching the game.

I'm sure you'll be fine, SPD.

 

[tlongII]

Yes, but do you have locker room access?

 

[KeepOnRollin]

This, BTW, is one thing I would be very good at. Not necessarily being witty or insightful, but setting my fandom aside and being virtually emotionless while watching the game.

I'm sure you'll be fine, SPD.

You wouldn't jump up and pump your fist in the air to the Lillard game winner?

 

[Denny Crane]

He's been on press row before, it's nothing new. He's letting us know a bit of the first hand experience.

 

[PtldPlatypus]

You wouldn't jump up and pump your fist in the air to the Lillard game winner?

I compartmentalize very, very well. If I put myself in an analytical mindset, I would have no problem staying in my seat.

 

[KeepOnRollin]

I compartmentalize very, very well. If I put myself in an analytical mindset, I would have no problem staying in my seat.

Good on you. I have to believe there were plenty of journalists that did it that night.

 

[illmatic99]

Don't wanna be a dick, but I can't stop myself from being one. Sorry.

"Maybe" vs. "may be" is one of my pet peeves.

 

[illmatic99]

But seriously, though. Even the "misfit pressrow" needs to adhere to the no emotion policy?

Sounds bogus

 

[magnifier661]

FYI

Blazers confirmed our press pass. SPD will be at the game tonight!

SWEEEEEET!

 

[magnifier661]

There is absolutely zero chance for me to ever be on the press row. I will not hold back cussing at officials, enemy or the imaginary friend that always bothers me at games!

 

[3RA1N1AC]

Not to mention the swarms of meth monsters

 

[magnifier661]

Not to mention the swarms of meth monsters

And midgets

 

[SlyPokerDog]

But seriously, though. Even the "misfit pressrow" needs to adhere to the no emotion policy?

Sounds bogus

Misfits is just me being glib. The 200 level press row are media outlets like Willamette Week, Portland Mercury and the local sports radio stations. Also depending on how big of a game it is some of the regular 100 level press are moved up to the 200 press row. At the Chicago game last year I sat next to Chris Haynes and Ben Golliver. They normally have seats in the 100 level. I'm the only misfit there.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

But seriously, though. Even the "misfit pressrow" needs to adhere to the no emotion policy?

Sounds bogus

I did say they are unofficial rules, they were told to me by someone with vast press row experience. I think everyone was cheering when Lillard hit his .9 shot. My only point was that I'm there to do a job and not to be a fan.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

Don't wanna be a dick, but I can't stop myself from being one. Sorry.

"Maybe" vs. "may be" is one of my pet peeves.

No problem, I was writing out some pregame thoughts. It was a very rough draft when I got the email so I figured to just post what I had in case no further posts were necessary.

 

[santeesioux]

I thought this was going to be a wacky story about an actual canine being on press row.

 

[EL PRESIDENTE]

I thought this was going to be a wacky story about an actual canine being on press row.

It was. But not about the kind of dog that pees on trees.

 

[noknobs]

Just try not to lick your junk, sniff anyone's crotch or mark your territory for those two and a half hours and you'll already be two steps ahead of most of the media in Portland.

 

[THE HCP]

Try doing your job while you're watching the game!


Sent from my Baller-Ass 5.5" iPhone 6+......... FAMS

 

[THE HCP]

Good luck sly!


Sent from my Baller-Ass 5.5" iPhone 6+......... FAMS

 

[SlyPokerDog]

You know your hair is thinning when it takes longer to drive to the barber than it does to get your hair cut. (Hey, I know what you’re thinking, I’m not balding, it’s thinning dammit, thinning.)

Whoa! I was just reading over the comments of what I posted. Let me just say that a lot of what I posted is tongue in cheek.

Anyway, so where was I…

As most of you already know there is this Tier 1 and Tier 2 thing going on. Tier 1 gets locker room access, Tier 2 doesn’t. While I understand why Blazer’s Edge is upset with their Tier 2 status I’m happy with it. It’s my sincere goal to get the forum permanent Tier 2 access. While not having access to the players makes things a little difficult I think there are a ton of things to cover without it. Also having met a lot of you over the years if I were the Blazers I wouldn’t let you near the players either.

For two days I’ve been racking my brain to trying come up with a story idea, theme, subject, something that would be original and entertaining that you won’t get anywhere else.

I could do a Quick and peek through some blinds, giving you forbidden access. I could do a Canzano and report on a disadvantaged fan, something to tug on your heartstrings. But neither of these are original and the whole peeking thing would probably get our Tier 2 status revoked.

So I started pouring through all of the great write-ups about the team that are on the forum and internet. I read everything I could and my first thought was, “I wonder if I’ll get a free t-shirt and glow stick on press row. “

I scolded my fan self for thinking that I told myself I better get into press mode because I’ve got my credentials and I’m goin’ to the game, baby!

I plan on posting live from the game in our game thread and in here for some post game thoughts, analysis and a few stories.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

Good luck sly!


Sent from my Baller-Ass 5.5" iPhone 6+......... FAMS

Thanks HCP, I'll try and stop by the truck to say hi.