Finding Out One Of Your Friends Is Gay

[NTC]

Now, this is a interesting question.

If one of your good friends, that you had known for quite some time, turned out to be homosexual, how would you feel about it? Would you be ok with it? Would you feel like you couldnt trust them?

The reason I ask, is I have growing suspicions that one of my close friends may infact be gay. He is quite flamboyant, and most people think he is gay, although he does chat up girls, get their numbers etc. But just last night I noticed, when we go and meet up with these girls, he never really tries to make a move. Case in point, last night, this cute blonde girl (see Random Thought Thread) that he goes to School with, he has been working his way in with her as of late, and last night she called him up to meet her at some club in the City, well he called me up, originally I didnt really want to go, but I went anyway because he didnt want to be just him, her and her friends. Well we meet up with them, we're in the club, they're both dancing, but he makes no moves, so I say to him "get in there and make a move, or I will", he just sort of blows it off with some lame excuses, then eventually at about 2.30 he just decides to leave, without nothing, after talking this night up for the last couple of weeks.

So now I'm wondering, if he really is infact gay, how I would feel about it. I dont agree with homosexuality, although I guess I wouldnt really care that, he is still the same person. Would probally be a bit uncomfortable at first, but I guess I could learn to live with it eventually.

So have any of you guys wondered somthing like this about any of your close friends?

 

[playmaker15]

Maybe he's just a shy guy, or he could be prude but I don't know the guy so I can't say.

 

[Mr. J]

Interesting. I probably would still be as cool with him knowing he was gay, but it will take me a little while to get used to it.

 

[Shapecity]

You should support him and make him feel comfortable being open about his homosexuality. You sort of suspect it now anyways, and you're still friends, so it should make no difference.

 

[I-Miss-MJ]

geez I dunno, cos he turned down a chick or didn't make a move doesn't make him gay.

Anyway if one of my friends was gay i'd be fine with it as long as he knew I don't swing that way and won't try and hit on me and such.
I'd support him when he openly comes out and all that too.

 

[NTC]

Well I dont know, I dont think he is, although some questionable decisions have made me suspect otherwise, like he says he would have sex with certain girls and what not, and he wants to go to a strip club, but basically he talks big and never delivers on any of it, which sort of raises the suspicions.

 

[Karma]

There's a lot of guys who talk big but don't follow up, it goes for everything, from getting girls to sports to making music, etc, etc. However, I don't think your friend is gay just because he turned down one chick. Either he got really nervous on the day of (since he had been waiting a couple of weeks for this day like you said), or he just lost his attraction to her when he tried talking to her (maybe she was really not his type?). I think he was too hammered to care what her personality was like but who knows, maybe he just wasn't in the mood. That doesn't make him gay

 

[Sex Panther]

i actually have a boy who's gay, and i still love him like a brother. i mean, i ain't gonna lie, i still feel a little uncomfortable when we're in the change rooms but i guess i should take that as a compliment?

 

[NTC]

You mis read my first post, last night was the frist instance that this possibilty was brought to my attention, as I mentioned, there are other factors at play here.

 

[B.e.]

It would probably be a little strange, but if I was cool with him before then I'd still be cool with him.

You should confront him about it, because it is something you should know.

 

[Karma]

In relation to this topic, one of the guys who was in my class last semester was gay, and he thought me and my friend were hot (I've said this story before too, but this time it actually relates to the topic so I thought I'd share again). When I found out about it I was shocked because A) he's brown, and

he was the first (openly, but not really cause he only told girls) gay guy I had ever met.

My friend, who was really homophobhic, started avoiding talking to him and always felt uncomfortable around him...I'd talk to him from time to time (2 line conversations), but it was still wierd knowing that he was in fact judging me on my looks (more so than the norm) and he was a dude.

The worst thing was one day when me and my friend came to school in suits for a presentation, and my friend (a girl) told me that he was pointing us out to her and making "drooling sounds" to her about us. I have nothing against homosexuality, but it's strange (yet still complimentary) when someone you didn't really think was gay is gay and finds you attractive. Recently, he added me on facebook and what not and the way he talks (even online) and the way he acts does seem a little too flamboyant to be "normal". For example, the dude types things like "awww love you xoxoxoxox" to girls that are just normally talking to him. That is wierd as hell, atleast in my opinion.

I'd find that wierd (the way he acts) even if he WASN'T gay though.

 

[Schaddy]

I had one good friend in high school who came out senior year. What's funny is that he could get any girl he wanted back in high school, but to each his own. It didn't really change anything among my group of friends; when you play football with someone for 4 years, hang out with them, get them, you can't just not like them all of a sudden because of who they're attracted to. He doesn't push anything on anyone, and nobody minds what he does. I'd just say to keep in mind that this guy is your friend. Don't let something trivial mess that up. Think of it this way: if he was your friend before you knew he's gay (if he indeed is), he's still the same person when you know he's gay.

 

[Sasha]

<div class="quote_poster">NTC187 Wrote</div><div class="quote_post">You mis read my first post, last night was the frist instance that this possibilty was brought to my attention, as I mentioned, there are other factors at play here.</div>
First instance, and you're already jumping to conclusions about his sexuality? Seems a bit sudden to me, but all right. Has he been with women before?

I know from my perspective, it could be something else. I have a friend who is really feminine, dude takes in all the finest shopping, cuisine, takes care of himself (I'm talking pedicures, manicures), etc. A real make of a metrosexual maybe and he is very flamboyant as well, but is straight as a whistle. Gets girls left and right, and not just to talk and mess with, but to really have a sexual relationship with and an emotional one. I dunno bro, it just seems too sudden to me that after one experience you're already assuming labeling him to swing to the other side.

Either way, Shape had it right:

<div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post">You should support him and make him feel comfortable being open about his homosexuality. You sort of suspect it now anyways, and you're still friends, so it should make no difference.</div>

Sexuality is a huge part of a human being, but nothing that should test your relationship with him to negative circumstances. It should in fact only make it stronger, as it is a hurdle in today's society which if he is will most likely have a hard time dealing with. Trust him? Hell yes you should trust him. Did you trust him before this "episode?" If so, then why the doubt in the trust factor? If anything, you being one of his closest buds I'm guessing he might even come to you for guidance, and that's huge.

Think it through some more.

 

[NTC]

<div class="quote_poster">Sasha Wrote</div><div class="quote_post">First instance, and you're already jumping to conclusions about his sexuality? Seems a bit sudden to me, but all right. Has he been with women before?</div>

Dont people know how to read these days?

 

[Midnight Green]

Your friends not gay he just has no game....

 

[M Two One]

<div class="quote_poster">shapecity Wrote</div><div class="quote_post">You should support him and make him feel comfortable being open about his homosexuality. You sort of suspect it now anyways, and you're still friends, so it should make no difference.</div>

Exactly, if he is indeed a homosexual and ends up coming out about it then accept him as you do now. He is your friend afterall. However, these actions and decisions you've seen from him are not definitive signs of homosexuality. Be careful when addressing this and be patient.

 

[NTC]

I'm not going to confront him about it, all I'm saying is I'm starting to have suspicions, but I'm sure its nothing.

 

[Chutney]

Yea, the worst thing you can do is ask him about it before he's ready to come out. It should be his decision.

I know a dude who came out after his first year of university and it's not as big a deal as you'd think. At first it was kind of wierd, because I didn't know any gay people. But then you realize that he's still the same person as before and it doesn't really make sense to feel awkward.

 

[Sasha]

<div class="quote_poster">NTC187 Wrote</div><div class="quote_post">Dont people know how to read these days?</div>
Um, you said it yourself, and also...

<div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post">But just last night I noticed, when we go and meet up with these girls, he never really tries to make a move.</div>
Again hinting at it being the first instance. Maybe you should word your posts better.

Only trying to help since you're seeking it. Lighten up.

 

[NTC]

I'm not seeking help, I was just wondering how you guys would feel if one of your close friends suddenly came out to you, after I had some sneaking suspicions about one of my friends which I finally noticed might be out of the norm last night.

 

[kobimel]

I really wouldn't care. I mean, so what if he's gay? He's still my friend, and I would support him and help him out.

As for changing in the same room with him, it really wouldn't make me uncomfortable. Imagine, if you (male heterosexual) were to change in the same room as a bunch of naked women. You might be tempted to make a move, but you probably wouldn't be comfortable making it because it would be inappropriate. I'm guessing that's the same way a gay guy would feel while changing in a room full of naked guys.

 

[Casual]

I'd expect any gay friends I have to check me out. I mean...come on. Who can blame them?