OT Joke of the day

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Lanny

Lanny

Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"
Joined
Sep 15, 2008
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Do you know the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?
 
How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Zero

Hippies screw in dirty sleeping bags

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What has 9 arms and sucks?

Def Leppard

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The only two jokes I tell (and I actually like Def Leppard)
 
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How the Angel got placed on top of the Christmas tree.

"Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.

Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.

Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. The angel said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass..."

My dentist told me this joke yesterday.
I needed some cheering up 'cause I got a shingles shot Thursday and felt like hell. Flu shots take me about 5 seconds to adjust. My shingles shot still aggravates my arthritis even today and my arm hurts quite a bit. The blood pressure cuff today really hurt.
They tell me shingles is much worse than this.
Now, in 2 to 8 months I need a booster. I pray to God in heaven above the second shot isn't as bad as the first.
 
A frog walks into a bank looking for a loan to fix up his pad. He goes to the teller asked the teller if he can get a loan, and the teller says he needs to speak to the loan officer over there, her name is Patricia Whack the frog goes over to Patricia and asks about getting a loan to fix up his pad. Patricia said well, you're a frog, we don't give loans to frogs, but I suppose, if you have any collateral? The frog pulls out this little white porcelain elephant and says this is all I have for collateral, but don't worry the bank manager knows my father. His name is Mick Jagger. The bank manager knows both me and my father. Patricia chuckles under her breath and goes to the manager. She says sir, you're never gonna believe this. There is a frog in my office wanting a loan to fix his pad, and you know him. The manager looks out and says yeah that's Mick Jagger son I do know him, but does he have any collateral? she said the only thing he has is a stupid little porcelain elephant. The manager scowls at Patricia and says this is a knick knack Patty Whack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone
 
Mediocre Man said:
A frog walks into a bank looking for a loan to fix up his pad. He goes to the teller asked the teller if he can get a loan, and the teller says he needs to speak to the loan officer over there, her name is Patricia Whack the frog goes over to Patricia and asks about getting a loan to fix up his pad. Patricia said well, you're a frog, we don't give loans to frogs, but I suppose, if you have any collateral? The frog pulls out this little white porcelain elephant and says this is all I have for collateral, but don't worry the bank manager knows my father. His name is Mick Jagger. The bank manager knows both me and my father. Patricia chuckles under her breath and goes to the manager. She says sir, you're never gonna believe this. There is a frog in my office wanting a loan to fix his pad, and you know him. The manager looks out and says yeah that's Mick Jagger son I do know him, but does he have any collateral? she said the only thing he has is a stupid little porcelain elephant. The manager scowls at Patricia and says this is a knick knack Patty Whack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone
Click to expand...
Groan
 
Lanny said:
Do you know the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?
Click to expand...
You can't see a shitty attitude and in the other circumstance evidence is there to see.
 
Mediocre Man said:
A frog walks into a bank looking for a loan to fix up his pad. He goes to the teller asked the teller if he can get a loan, and the teller says he needs to speak to the loan officer over there, her name is Patricia Whack the frog goes over to Patricia and asks about getting a loan to fix up his pad. Patricia said well, you're a frog, we don't give loans to frogs, but I suppose, if you have any collateral? The frog pulls out this little white porcelain elephant and says this is all I have for collateral, but don't worry the bank manager knows my father. His name is Mick Jagger. The bank manager knows both me and my father. Patricia chuckles under her breath and goes to the manager. She says sir, you're never gonna believe this. There is a frog in my office wanting a loan to fix his pad, and you know him. The manager looks out and says yeah that's Mick Jagger son I do know him, but does he have any collateral? she said the only thing he has is a stupid little porcelain elephant. The manager scowls at Patricia and says this is a knick knack Patty Whack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone
Click to expand...
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A man goes into a bar with a frog on his head. The bar tender takes one look and says, "Hey, did you know you've got something strange growing on you? How did it happen?" The frog replies, "I dunno, it started out as wart on the bottom of my foot."
 
How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ten....one to screw in the bulb and 9 to sit around sharing the experience.
 
So, it's the days of the old West.

This guy runs into the local saloon and yells in a loud voice "Everybody hide, Big John's coming to town!"
Everybody in the joint flees for all the exits running as fast as they can with looks of sheer fear and panic in their eyes.
Pretty soon a massive man comes riding into town on the back of a huge grizzly bear that he's whipping with three very large rattlesnakes in his right hand. He ties up his bear at the saloon's hitching post and goes inside. The bartender is quivering with fear and says in a quavering voice "What would you like sir?" GIMME A BOTTLE OF YOUR STRONGEST WHISKEY AND MAKE IT PRONTO". The massive man drinks it all down in one gulp.
The bartender again in a very quavering voice says "Would you like another bottle, sir?"
The big man replies "HELL NO, GOTTA GET GOING FAST. HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? BIG JOHN'S COMING."
 
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