OT My dad's funeral

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BlazerCaravan

BlazerCaravan

Hug a Bigot... to Death
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My dad had been in the hospital since the end of August, and last Monday night, he agreed to be taken off of life support (imagine being awake enough to decide this), and died that night around midnight. His funeral is Sunday...

...I'm ... totally numb about it. He'd been sick for so long, handicapped and not himself really for so long that I feel like I'm over it...? But I know I'm not.

I have to write a remembrance for the funeral on Sunday, and I can tell it's going to fuck me up hard, because I'm avoiding it like the plague.

He was a huge ally to me, too; accepted me and my identity, helped my mom accept me too. But even so, I don't feel comfortable being out for the funeral. So it'll be the last thing I do in the "dude suit". Just makes things easier on everyone else not to have a sideshow going on.

Life sometimes fucking sucks.
 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your father and the pain you must be feeling. I would love to buy you a beer and we could talk about it or we could talk about everything but that. Let me know.
 
BlazerCaravan said:
My dad had been in the hospital since the end of August, and last Monday night, he agreed to be taken off of life support (imagine being awake enough to decide this), and died that night around midnight. His funeral is Sunday...

...I'm ... totally numb about it. He'd been sick for so long, handicapped and not himself really for so long that I feel like I'm over it...? But I know I'm not.

I have to write a remembrance for the funeral on Sunday, and I can tell it's going to fuck me up hard, because I'm avoiding it like the plague.

He was a huge ally to me, too; accepted me and my identity, helped my mom accept me too. But even so, I don't feel comfortable being out for the funeral. So it'll be the last thing I do in the "dude suit". Just makes things easier on everyone else not to have a sideshow going on.

Life sometimes fucking sucks.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry for you loss BC. I have a feeling my dad isn't much longer for this world and on the one hand, I can see him suffering and I want him to be at peace.... but on the other hand I know it's going to hit me really hard.

I'm glad to hear that your dad was supportive. My dad was always a huge supporter of me, no matter what I wanted to do, and I think that's a big reason why I have some emotional scarring from his fight with cancer.
 
So sorry, I lost my father last winter.

You know what I miss? Writing letters! A dying art, in an age of text & email, he was the only person to whom I actually wrote multipage letters. I still find myself writing "imaginary" letters talking about Lucia adopting me, the eclipse, trying not to talk too much about Trump because it's so depressing, the garden.

Caravan, you never really "get over it" but eventually it becomes easier, honest. Cherish the memories. Like Simon & Garfunkel said, preserve your memories, they're all that's left you.
 
BlazerCaravan said:
My dad had been in the hospital since the end of August, and last Monday night, he agreed to be taken off of life support (imagine being awake enough to decide this), and died that night around midnight. His funeral is Sunday...

...I'm ... totally numb about it. He'd been sick for so long, handicapped and not himself really for so long that I feel like I'm over it...? But I know I'm not.

I have to write a remembrance for the funeral on Sunday, and I can tell it's going to fuck me up hard, because I'm avoiding it like the plague.

He was a huge ally to me, too; accepted me and my identity, helped my mom accept me too. But even so, I don't feel comfortable being out for the funeral. So it'll be the last thing I do in the "dude suit". Just makes things easier on everyone else not to have a sideshow going on.

Life sometimes fucking sucks.
Click to expand...
Yeah life sucks....like when I read this and my damn eyes water up from allergies. Fucking Claritin D....

On one hand I'm terribly sad for you and in a selfish way I'm jealous that I've never been close to my dad.

Are you sure about the dude suit? I can't really say what you should do other than think about it.
 
BlazerCaravan said:
My dad had been in the hospital since the end of August, and last Monday night, he agreed to be taken off of life support (imagine being awake enough to decide this), and died that night around midnight. His funeral is Sunday...

...I'm ... totally numb about it. He'd been sick for so long, handicapped and not himself really for so long that I feel like I'm over it...? But I know I'm not.

I have to write a remembrance for the funeral on Sunday, and I can tell it's going to fuck me up hard, because I'm avoiding it like the plague.

He was a huge ally to me, too; accepted me and my identity, helped my mom accept me too. But even so, I don't feel comfortable being out for the funeral. So it'll be the last thing I do in the "dude suit". Just makes things easier on everyone else not to have a sideshow going on.

Life sometimes fucking sucks.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear about your dad. My dad passed away a year and 9 months ago. He was also sick for quite some time. I still think about him everyday. A part of me hurts everyday. I find myself talking to him quite a bit. I miss the hell out of him. I had to write and read a euology for my fathers funeral. I'm sure you'll write a good one. Be yourself. Your dad was proud of you, he accepted you. Thats what matters. My thoughts are with you and your family.
 
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Hey, BC, you have my sympathies and my prayers. My Mother lived with us for the last five years of her life. Even knowing that she was not really with it, it was hard as hell when she died. Had to do all the shitty stuff, handle the cremation, answer all the questions and get rid of her earthly belongings.

One thing I took solace in was that she was no longer suffering. Another was that she believed in Christ.

In retrospect, it was one of the toughest things I have had to do, but I am glad that we had the time that we had with her, and I would do it all over again.

It takes time, my friend. I still can tear up when I see my Aunt or when I see an older lady that reminds me of my Mom. But at least now those are happier tears. God bless you and yours.
 
Sorry for your loss. My dad is going through alot of bad problems right now and it weighs on me constantly. Things reached another low today of all days, as I'm reading this. Things could be worse though, as your situation is, and I'm thankful they're not as bad. Your situation helped me to put things in perspective. Hang tough, and know you helped a dude out today.
:cheers:
 
I love you BC. That's all I can really say during a time like this, even if I've gone through something similar, your situation is unique and nothing I could say can compare or consolidate. Just know I'm here, and if you ever need to talk about it, please shoot me a PM. You're a strong person and you will persevere, just remember that some consider 100 lbs heavy, while others consider 500 lbs such. Don't read the weight you lift, raise it over your head, drop it to the ground, and grin with appreciation and accomplishment as you glance the number.

Peace, Love, and Happiness.

Same goes to you Tlong, CC, Crand, and everyone else here who has been unfortunate enough to face this time in their life. Mad respect to all of you for your strength and perseverance to make it through such a tough time.
 
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