My Niece Wrote This...............

[ABM]

Even though they're living the lifestyle of the rich and famous, she's a tremendously gifted writer. I hope she someday, somehow takes the time to write a book of their experiences.....

http://on-purpose.blogspot.com/

The chilly powerful winds of the Gorge erased our fitful, brief tracks out of town, burying the frenzy and stress of hitting every pitch perfectly. Two weeks between Mexico and our next trip to Colorado, we had to somehow celebrate four birthdays and Christmas while preparing for the next destination. Dozens of bags packed and unpacked, gifts wrapped and unwrapped, even ornaments for a tree I refused to engage. Mini-crises like iced over driveways and lost keys down a storm drain stoked the adrenaline. I fired the nanny, always harder in anticipation. How did Mexico go so fast? Children were excited and restless, happy to be home but anxious for travel. I was on autopilot just trying to get it all done, anticipate every need and make sure that we would all be comfortable on the road for two days and beyond.

Coco’s birthday was the day after Christmas; departure day. Holiday birthdays get lost in the hulabaloo. I was always very careful to plan her birthday parties with friends before the holiday breaks. This year there would be no gymnastics, Build-A-Bear or Color-Me-Mine birthday parties. There was a big family feast, with Aunt Reen making Julia Child’s Beef Bourguignon, and Aunt A making handprint ornaments for all the children. There was even a ride on the Polar Express with Santa. But, birthdays have to be called out, and made special. The least I could do is have a family dinner with cupcakes just for her.

Late into the night, I wake startled by screaming. Chocolate cupcakes spewed all over Zee’s crib, walls and carpet. As I stuff a load of sheets and towels in the washer I hear running upstairs. Coco woke and vomitted all over her bathroom. At least most of it was on the tile floor. On hands and knees scrubbing the carpets, I wonder how I am going to keep my eyes open for a full day on the road, in the dead of winter. So tired. Baby crying and still vomitting. I am delirious. The only good news is that my mom stayed over night and is helping me. Thank you, God, for mothers. I grab fitful moments of sleep, cradling a towel around Zee. Poor Coco falls asleep embracing a bucket. What a birthday.

Never again buy cupcakes from Safeway. Never.

Travel by itself is like a pressure cooker. Adding significant holidays to the mix is like turning up the heat too far, too fast. It’s bound to blow.

Why is Travel So Stressful?

I remember the night before our departure a few years ago where 4 out of 6 of us were gripped by the 24 hour flu bug. Three children with buckets, moaning and me running between them hoping someone would sleep so I could. A chorus of "bring out ye'r dead" banged in my head. And then it hit me. Searing pain, dizziness, uncontrollable heaving, incapacitated.

That trip showed me how far into the depths of impossibility my strength can go. With a blinding headache, nearly paralyzed by exhaustion, I had to coax miserable children into clean clothes (no time to wash the chunks out of their hair), sit them upright in the car and somehow drag us all onto a plane without passing out. I briefly imagined a chain of simultaneous throw up on the plane. What would I do if a whole family was throwing up next to me? There is relief in surrender, when you know there is nothing you can do no matter what happens. I smile at the thought of being carried off on a stretcher.

Travel seems to squeeze every last ounce of fortitude from the body. The thrill of planning is quickly wiped out coping with the unforeseeable and inevitable delays or challenges. With children, this stress load is magnified many times. I can’t stand flying anymore, with all the ridiculous security measures. There is nothing fun about being herded through scanners only to have your child’s milk bottle sniffed by chemical detectors and car-seats upended and dismantled. I don’t feel “safe.” I feel violated and demeaned. We are one so-called terrorist attack away from being stripped to our skivvies and sealed in climate controlled human cargo boxes for transport.

Does Travel Make You Happier?

The New York Times recently published an article about how vacations affect your happiness. Researchers found that planning and anticipating a vacation creates more sustained happiness than the actual vacation or life upon return. Kind of like having a baby. We forget the tremendous shocks and difficulties with labor and those first months of 24 hour care and recovery. The realities of travel are quickly forgotten or minimized when the lure of change and adventure dance through our dreams.

Extended travel is another beast. lt allows you to get beyond the usual tourist attractions and distractions. It broadens your perspective in ways that can take lifetimes. I spent three years living in Sweden. I speak Swedish fluently. I know several neighborhoods in Stockholm and surrounding areas as well as I know the town I grew up in. The difficulty, especially for children, is that a transient life makes it hard to make friends and feel secure. Adults can talk to anyone they meet, but children can really only meet other children in schools. My children are missing old friends and wanting to make new ones. This has been the hardest part of extended travel.

A common misconception about extended travel is that you have to be wealthy to do it. Tim Ferriss’ best selling book “the Four Hour Work Week” is part of a growing wave of economic and lifestyle change happening in the US and globally. Tim Ferris writes about living the nomadic life of the “new rich” by automating your income stream so you can travel and make your bucket list a reality. While his theories are not very practical when children are involved, he has plenty of ideas to help streamline and focus your energies so you are not wasting time on unproductive labors or distractions. If nothing else, more people are realizing they can design their lives to be freer and more full of the experiences and activities they love. They don’t have to be rich, though by implementing some of his suggestions they may end up making more than they have in the past. The new economy is all about efficiency. Reduce your own redundancy. Spend less time on repetitive and unproductive habits.

I have been following a group helping to inspire a new working class called Location Independent who take their work on the road. The trend is growing as technology increases access to information, communication and productivity. Entrepreneurship is rising to levels not seen since the late 1800s. As large corporations are getting too big to fail and the government morphs into the largest GovCorp of them all, individuals and families are looking for new ways to support themselves. This mercantile attitude also lends itself to a spirited sense of adventure and freedom. I suspect more and more people and families will seek out ways to be financially and educationally independent. The first step is knowing it’s possible and then finding ways to make it a reality.

On our travels we have met dozens of other families who have done exactly what we are doing. There is a family with one child traveling around Europe for three years now, the Soul Travelers 3. There is the family on bikes, starting in Alaska and peddling to South America. All these traveling families are homeschooling. As families decide to explore the world and find meaning in their lives, homeschooling is the natural choice. And all of these families are forever freed of traditional notions of work, school, and life. Even if they return to their old lives, I would bet they will go about things differently.

“Oh, I could never do that. My children are teenagers and their school is so important...for college and sports...and they can’t be without their computers and friends.” Said the perfectly manicured, coiffed mom sharing a meal with us.

“Really? From everything I have read, a year abroad or even a few months, is so enriching for a child, especially a teenager, that colleges tend to give preference to the children who have broadened their world view and had unique experiences. It makes them more interesting, not less. You’d be surprised how quickly they will forget about their toys. And friends? They may make new and better friends on their travels.* A chance to reinvent themselves and explore other sides of themselves. Schools tend to peg and type cast kids. I say, shake it up.” I inhaled sharply after my passionate exoration. I could not resist the chance to crack open her imprisoned mind, for the sake of her children. I spied P Daddy grinning out of the corner of my eye.

(*I am assuming they'll study abroad rather than homeschool, but even homeschoolers are increasingly finding global networks.)

Shake things up. That is my motto right now. For all the stress and uncertainty, I have to believe that shaking things up has been healthy.

Initially we thought we’d travel the world as a family for a few years. We planned the first year as it has been unfolding: Mexico, Aspen and then back to the Gorge for summer. Second year: Australia and New Zealand, maybe another ski mountain town. Third year: Europe. We thought we’d return each time to the Gorge area and ultimately settle in Washington. We are not so sure any more. Concerns about weather and the diversity of resources keep us on the hunt for a home. And extended travel, while exciting, is taxing for some of the children. Even the most adventurous of my children asks me periodically when we are going home.

Uprooted

To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.

~Pema Chodron


We are living in a nebulous zone, between comfort and chaos, routine and change. We’ve been uprooted and traveling now since June 2009. Even though we spent the summer in the Gorge at our long time summer home, we were in transition and unsettled. We unpacked and merged two homes while looking at land in Washington, saying goodbye to our old life and our sweet dog (see 10. Aqua). With no commitment to staying longer term, we embarked on our travels without a sense of home. No anchor for our compass.

“Where are you from?” Someone will ask. The children, like me, assess the person asking before answering. Sometimes it's just the Gorge. Sometimes it's San Francisco. And when they each answer at the same time, people wonder where the heck is San Gorgo?

We are on family sabbatical. We are nomads. We are in search of a new home. One thing is for sure, we are wide awake and actively considering all our dreams, practical necessities and soul whispers. I have been driving myself and P Daddy crazy with new location ideas and concerns about the dozens of places we’ve already discussed. I am not sure who wants a home more, me or the children. P. Daddy is living in the now and enjoying his time here, knowing that we will find our home eventually.

The good news through all the transition, travel and uncertainty is that the children have become better friends with each other. They have learned how to play together in more positive ways because that’s all they have. They cannot storm off and leave a disagreement unresolved for long. They have to work things out. They have to apologize and mend fences. They have time to discover their shared interests and strengths.

“That's a great drawing, Coco. Can you show me how you did that?” Says Em, encouraging her sister.

“Em, your cut is so great. Now you don’t have to be afraid of hair styles because this one really makes you look pretty.” Says Coco.

Sometimes their new found friendship results in four against one when I am trying to move the herd in a less popular direction, but ultimately, I am thrilled to see their relationships blossom and grow.

Child development experts say that the strongest determinant of sibling closeness in adulthood is shared positive experiences in childhood. So, regardless of how much or how often they fight (which is normal and apparently healthy), if they share alot of laughs and happy times, they will be closer later on. If that is all we get out of this year, it will all be worth it.

Though travel may be more fun anticipating than executing, there is no question we all have grown closer and discovered resiliency together. Though we yearn for clarity on where and how we will live, if home is where the heart is, then we are already there.