Need a bit of advice

[dpc]

So without going into great detail... I'm pregnant.

Ok kidding. But really. In December three of my best friends got together and decided to tell my mom a great deal about my life she didn't need to know. Now I FULLY understand why they did it, and do not hate them at all for it. I'm mature enough to understand why and know they were only trying to help. But it didn't help, it hurt a lot more then it helped. One of the things it did was I don't trust anyone now. I'm someone who needs to be able to talk to someone every once in awhile. But ever since the one friend went and told my mom, I don't trust anyone at all. I especially don't trust those three, and considering they were the only 3 people I really talked too about certain stuff, it's been tough on me. Lately I've really been feeling the pressure of not being able to talk to someone. Anytime one of them asks me how I am, I just get this attitude of "why should I tell you anything, you'll just go and open your mouth". Which I know is stupid and childish, but if you were in my position you would at least understand why I feel that way sometimes. So what should I do? Should I learn to trust one of them again, or all of them? Or should I do this, or do that??

And just fyi, therapy/therapist is out of the question...

 

[julius]

Well, Dr Ruth wants to know what your friends told your mom.

 

[dpc]

Lets say my mental well being among other things

And they told her EVERYTHING

 

[julius]

The great orator Steve Austin once said "D.T.A. you stupid piece of trash...Don't trust anybody!"

 

[dpc]

The great orator Steve Austin once said "D.T.A. you stupid piece of trash...Don't trust anybody!"

Lol actually me and my mom saw that he is being inducted into the H.O.F. this weekend, kind of took me back to when I was a kid to see him.

Not the point though. I really don't trust anybody right now, but thats not really going well for me now.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

Your friends were probably concerned about your safety. I understand the trust issues though...I'm not one who likes to put my cards on the table, but some people need to. I have many friends like this....its quite difficult to figure out what to do.

I can go on for pages and pages on this but we'll just take it one step at a time.

I'll just ask: are you happy with your life right now?

If not, find out why not and make the necessary changes to change it. Sometimes easier said than done, but you've got to find the problem and that can take a journey. Do you feel isolated in your current surroundings? Bored? Sometimes the more you think about things, the worse it is.

 

[DaRizzle]

Lets say my mental well being among other things

And they told her EVERYTHING

To be blunt...If they thought there was a chance you would commit suicide you cant blame them. Death is worse than being pissed off and alive

 

[barfo]

You can trust us. We don't know your mom, so we can't rat you out.

barfo

 

[dpc]

Your friends were probably concerned about your safety. I understand the trust issues though...I'm not one who likes to put my cards on the table, but some people need to. I have many friends like this....its quite difficult to figure out what to do.

I can go on for pages and pages on this but we'll just take it one step at a time.

I'll just ask: are you happy with your life right now?

If not, find out why not and make the necessary changes to change it. Sometimes easier said than done, but you've got to find the problem and that can take a journey. Do you feel isolated in your current surroundings? Bored? Sometimes the more you think about things, the worse it is.

I havent been happy with life since I was 9. I totally know why I'm not happy, and I totally have tried many times. But like you said, it's much easier said then done.

To Rizzle, I don't blame them at all. I really honestly dont blame them and I'm not mad at them. I just don't trust them anymore, or anyone for that matter.

To barfo, that is all true. But I get paranoid sometimes, because I talk about this place sometimes in conversation (hey sometimes some funny things happen here), so my paranoia makes me think they are reading this crap sometimes to see if I'm putting anything out there.

 

[Haakzilla]

...I don't like Neil Diamond!!!

 

[DaRizzle]

you do anything harder than weed or alcohol?

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

I think I posted this before in your previous thread, one of my favorite quotes, from the movie Wall Street.


Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss.



I realize its all cheesy and shit but I personally found that very motivating several years ago when I was down in the shits. Many successes comes from hitting rock bottom..there's a breaking point. May not be applicable to you, personally but I just found that quote helpful when I was at rock bottom.

My personal advice for you would be to move somewhere else where you can start anew, but you may not want to.

 

[barfo]

you haven't been messin' with women, have ya? That shit'll fuck you up for sure.

barfo

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

you do anything harder than weed or alcohol?

he doesn't drink. remember his b-day thread...st. paddy's day....

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

if you want to vent, there's a website called basketballforum that no one checks.

 

[barfo]

if you want to vent, there's a website called basketballforum that no one checks.

barfo

 

[dpc]

I nearly shit myself laughing so hard ADP, and thanks for remembering about the alcohol thing, but yea I actually do do something harder then that. At least in my mind it is. I haven't done it in a while, but I have some very strong medication for a spine problem I have. And I'm a pussy when it comes to medication. When I shattered my leg I would have to cut up the pills in half because the full pills were way to strong for me. Even Nyquil will fuck me up. So yea, in some weird stupid hypocritical way, I don't drink ever, but I do do that.

Honestly I don't care what you guys find out... I'm going to bed, I'll post back here tomorrow more about whats going if interested. Maybe it will help.

Oh and no barfo, no women.

 

[crandc]

Hey, dpc. I'm curious about your approximate age. Are you a minor living with your mother or on your own?

If on your own, it's probably less impacting on your life.

Either way, unless you were in iminent danger of harming yourself or others, your friends had no business squaking. I'd be pissed too and I can sure see why you would not trust them. I really don't have advice. You could ask these so called friends why they did what they did. But probably would not help. At any rate, I sure don't blame you for being mad and don't think you're stupid. Your trust was betrayed, of course you are mad.

As for moving, that really depends on whether the issues were so huge that you feel you can't face people. Your decision.

As to whom you can talk to, I don't know, I'm not much of a confider myself. Maybe some conveniently anonymous on line chat room? Or talk to a pet, unless it's a parrot your secrets are safe.

Good luck, serious.

 

[dpc]

Hey, dpc. I'm curious about your approximate age. Are you a minor living with your mother or on your own?

If on your own, it's probably less impacting on your life.

Either way, unless you were in iminent danger of harming yourself or others, your friends had no business squaking. I'd be pissed too and I can sure see why you would not trust them. I really don't have advice. You could ask these so called friends why they did what they did. But probably would not help. At any rate, I sure don't blame you for being mad and don't think you're stupid. Your trust was betrayed, of course you are mad.

As for moving, that really depends on whether the issues were so huge that you feel you can't face people. Your decision.

As to whom you can talk to, I don't know, I'm not much of a confider myself. Maybe some conveniently anonymous on line chat room? Or talk to a pet, unless it's a parrot your secrets are safe.

Good luck, serious.

I'm 20 years old, and I live with my brother, mom, and grandma when I'm at home, but I go to school 3 hours away so most of the year I'm gone.

I can see why they did what they did. I don't blame them. Without going into great detail I probably would have done the same thing. They did what they teach you to do all throughout life. It just didn't do anything, except tell one more person about it, one person that didn't need to know about it. And it made me lose all trust.

About moving, I'm not sure if I said anything at all that gave the impression I was considering moving, but I have never even thought about that. I have thought about going back to Oregon once I graduate, but my career choice doesn't allow me to choose where I live, it's more it chooses where I live. But best possible scenario would be me back in the 503.

Thank you for your words, and yea, my cat is a pretty good listener.

 

[ABM]

Hello, my name is ABM and I'm a former Neil Diamond groupie.

 

[tlongII]

Talk to your mom dpc. Tell her everything. You'll be glad you did.

 

[ucatchtrout]

And just fyi, therapy/therapist is out of the question...

Why?

That seems silly to me.

There is nothing that should be embarrassing about therapy or counseling. Everybody has problems in life. Getting help in solving them is a smart thing to do. Nothing wrong with good sound professional advice.

Maybe you've tried in the past and were not comfortable with where you went. I have to tell you though that there are so many different counselors, groups and types of therapy out there to choose from that there is a good chance you could find something that is a better fit for you.

If you can't do that for some reason, not ready to, or unwilling to, I suggest reading.

Reading can help direct our minds to more useful thought patterns. If you wish you could try reading for self-discovery, OR, you could try reading for fun to give your mind a break from the things that trouble it.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

I personally wouldn't tell moms...some things you've got to keep isolated. it just gets weird and they sometimes go overboard.

therapists, I personally think a bunch of them are scams....they may help, but sometimes they are just lame sounding. i've never been to one but they seem scammy....good friends are the best outlet and a good network.

 

[Ed O]

Therapists have a detachment that almost no friend can have. They care about you clinically, but they don't really "know" you... and they've been trained in a way that most people simply haven't been.

Counseling and therapy are often less about what they say than what you feel you can say to THEM. In this situation it seems like it might be exactly what dpc needs.

I know you said it's out of the question or whatever, dpc, but ... I hope you consider it because it sounds like you have trust issues that are not just rooted in this latest betrayal by your friends and not getting anything off of your chest will be a bad, bad thing for you.

Ed O.

 

[PapaG]

Therapists have a detachment that almost no friend can have. They care about you clinically, but they don't really "know" you... and they've been trained in a way that most people simply haven't been.

Counseling and therapy are often less about what they say than what you feel you can say to THEM. In this situation it seems like it might be exactly what dpc needs.

I know you said it's out of the question or whatever, dpc, but ... I hope you consider it because it sounds like you have trust issues that are not just rooted in this latest betrayal by your friends and not getting anything off of your chest will be a bad, bad thing for you.

Ed O.

I went through some pretty horrible stuff in the past few years, some of which I could control, and some of it that I could not. I saw a therapist 5 or 6 times and it helped me immensely. More than anything, a good therapist, which I guess I had, makes you be honest with yourself and allows you to trust yourself, first and foremost.

I'd highly recommend it, dpc. As far as the trust issue with your friends, you should actually trust them now more than ever. It sounds like they didn't know what to do, so they went to the one person who they knew would get through to you. Friends like that are a rarity. You are lucky to have them.

 

[dpc]

i've been to therapists before and it just pisses me off. i mean i have nothign at all against them, i just dont like having to talk when they tell me (the scheduled time) and having to stop when they tell me too (times up). i dont like that feeling. i also dont like how they are getting paid to basically listen to me. i know they got into the field becfause tehy care and like helping, but i just cant get that out of my mind. i know its being stubborn i know. i just dont like that feeling. there not my friend, there my counselor. and thats only because im paying them.

i also feel that i know what they are goign to say. i know whats wrong with me. i dont deny anything. i know what i need to fix. i just cant for whatever reason. they may feel they have unearthed something in my childhood that makes me do what i do now, but ive already figured it out. they wouldnt be telling me anything i dont already know. and honestly i think my stubbornness wouldnt even let me listen to them again.

talking to mom is out of the question. thats just a whole bunch of "its ok honey everything will be ok" to a million compliments to her blaming herself. then its her freaking out thinking she wont ever see me again next time i leave the house.

i dont hate therapists at all. i think what they do for a lot of people is very great. but i know since i was little ive seen therapists and they dont do anything but annoy me.

and about the neil diamond thing, its a quote from the movie "what about bob". neil diamond is the reason bill murrays character divorced his wife.

 

[PapaG]

and about the neil diamond thing, its a quote from the movie "what about bob". neil diamond is the reason bill murrays character divorced his wife.

It's a bit ironic, given your opinion on therapy, that you would quote "What About Bob" in your signature.

 

[dpc]

It's a bit ironic, given your opinion on therapy, that you would quote "What About Bob" in your signature.

lol i tried the baby steps thing. didnt work out for me. maybe i should take a vacation from my problems.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

vacations don't work.

after a month you get back to normal.

 

[dpc]

vacations don't work.

after a month you get back to normal.

not sure if your bieng a smart ass or not but what i meant was a line from a movie. i was just kidding around, you have to see the movie to know what i was talkin about.

although i might come out to oregon this summer for a few weeks.