Need a bit of advice

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

damn..on the replay....chop chop.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

oops, meant to post in the game thread. hah

 

[ucatchtrout]

i've been to therapists before and it just pisses me off. i mean i have nothign at all against them, i just dont like having to talk when they tell me (the scheduled time) and having to stop when they tell me too (times up). i dont like that feeling. i also dont like how they are getting paid to basically listen to me. i know they got into the field becfause tehy care and like helping, but i just cant get that out of my mind. i know its being stubborn i know. i just dont like that feeling. there not my friend, there my counselor. and thats only because im paying them.

i also feel that i know what they are goign to say. i know whats wrong with me. i dont deny anything. i know what i need to fix. i just cant for whatever reason. they may feel they have unearthed something in my childhood that makes me do what i do now, but ive already figured it out. they wouldnt be telling me anything i dont already know. and honestly i think my stubbornness wouldnt even let me listen to them again.

talking to mom is out of the question. thats just a whole bunch of "its ok honey everything will be ok" to a million compliments to her blaming herself. then its her freaking out thinking she wont ever see me again next time i leave the house.

i dont hate therapists at all. i think what they do for a lot of people is very great. but i know since i was little ive seen therapists and they dont do anything but annoy me.

and about the neil diamond thing, its a quote from the movie "what about bob". neil diamond is the reason bill murrays character divorced his wife.

I humbly suggest you simply haven't found the right fit.

A good therapist will help you...

1. understand and accept that it is perfectly normal to have difficulties.
2. organize and understand your thoughts and your thought processes, and your emotions, and assist you in creating more effective strategies in working with them.
3. know and understand that it is a blessing that you are able to recognize your difficulties and work with them.
4. view yourself from a more objective place within yourself.
5. create more compassion for yourself.
6. create better ways of caring for yourself.
7. learn how to get the kind of support that will be the most useful to you when you have troubles.


and he or she will be able to do so without making you feel weird about being there.

Please understand it takes some time for a therapist to get to know you. Listening to your story is part of that process. If you don't like the way your sessions are going or don't like something your therapist says it is important to speak up. That way you can help make the best use of the time you have together. Its also important to establish some goals with your therapist and identify things to work on between sessions.

As far as your mom or your friends go....they cannot possibly be expected to be neutral, which is what any effective personal advisor can do. They have emotional attachments and reactions to things. Its natural. They are only human.

 

[crandc]

I will frakly consfess that the worst mistake I ever made in my entire life was that, during the worst crisis of my life, I talked to a shrink. If I could have one redo that would be it.

It's been 18 years and I still feel the impact, not of the crisis, but of her abusive conduct.

Talk to your cat.

 

[hasoos]

When you talked to your friends about your problem, did you ask them not to talk to your Mom? Because to be honest, unless you told them to not implicitly talk to your mom, they really did nothing wrong, all they did is care enough to do something. If there is one thing I have found in life, it is your friends are the one constant you can usually depend on. Girlfreinds come and go. My friends are always there.

If you care about your friends, and they obviously care about you, you need to sit down, talk about what went down, what upset you about it, and lay some ground rules, and get back to hanging out with your buds. It's obvious they are exactly that.

 

[dpc]

When you talked to your friends about your problem, did you ask them not to talk to your Mom? Because to be honest, unless you told them to not implicitly talk to your mom, they really did nothing wrong, all they did is care enough to do something. If there is one thing I have found in life, it is your friends are the one constant you can usually depend on. Girlfreinds come and go. My friends are always there.

If you care about your friends, and they obviously care about you, you need to sit down, talk about what went down, what upset you about it, and lay some ground rules, and get back to hanging out with your buds. It's obvious they are exactly that.

They knew not to tell anyone. I told them many times before and we had many fights before about it. I'm still friends with them, I just don't tell them anything personal or meaningful in my life out of fear. I'm even nervous of just saying "my grades suck in this course or that course". Just no trust.

 

[The Professional Fan]

Here's my suggestion - get out of Fargo!!

 

[JE]

I'd dig in and wave a middle finger if they try to get anything out of you.

 

[tlongII]

I still think you should talk to your family. That's what family is for.

 

[BengalDuck]

I think you should thank your friends for being there for you and doing what is the right thing.

And when you realize that what they did is the right thing, then you'll slowly start feeling better about yourself.

And once you forgive* your friends, talk to your family/mom.

I asterisk the word because IMHO they didn't do anything wrong, and therefore need no forgiving.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

Here's my suggestion - get out of Fargo!!

I agree.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

I still think you should talk to your family. That's what family is for.

I disagree.

Family doesn't need to know everything. Maybe in happy land, but in most instances they can often exacerbate the problem.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

do something crazy like grow your hair out or cut it all off.

 

[dpc]

ADP I'm growing out a beard... until the Blazers clinch. (please god clinch tomorrow, I look like a roadie for Lynard Skynard right now)

I kind of have always felt closer to friends then family. I mean I love my family, and my mom is honestly the coolest mom in the world and the most caring. So it's not her or anyone fault. I just always was more intrapersonal, but when I did tell people things I told my friends over family.

I understand Bengal where your coming from. I really do. I understand what they did and why they did it. I understand that I probably would have done the same thing. But idk man, it didnt do any help, only hurt. Things would be different if they didnt do that. It honestly didn't help anyone in any situation, it jus made things worse. That's why I can't accept what they did, even though they had all the best intentions in the world.

And I only go to school in Fargo. Home is Minneapolis. And Fargo really isn't all that bad if you get passed the negative 50 weather.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

telling friends or family is normal. family always has a tendency to gossip, most friends won't unless in extreme measures...which may be your situation.

uhhh....maybe you should start wearing a top hat and cane?

 

[MickZagger]

I disagree.

Family doesn't need to know everything. Maybe in happy land, but in most instances they can often exacerbate the problem.

Agreed, my mom has 7 sisters that she bullshits with all the time and always airs my dirty laundry. Nothing is safe around that woman.

 

[AgentDrazenPetrovic]

the thing is that your friends...you can talk to them about doing some of the most fucked up shit imaginable and it'll be bonding. you tell your family that shit, they'll excommunicate you and send you to bible camp.

 

[The Sebastian Express]

I know you don't like therapists (and I loathe therapists myself, all 13 that I went to. Yes that is the correct number) and you know what your problem is so might I suggest spending a few sessions with a psychologist. A good one would help you pin down what exactly your 'problem is', why it is there (if there even a reason why), and how to go about dealing with it.

I was forced through the aforementioned therapists, a psychiatrist, and three psychologists who all thought I was just depressed/too cynical/suicidal etc as a kid before finally the people forcing me through all this got lucky and a good psychologist came along. He figured out what was 'wrong' (and I use the term wrong loosely here) with me, and helped me figure out my own ways to deal with it without freaking out people around me who would try to go all pop psychologist on me.

It also probably helped that he wasn't like all the others who talked down to me and tried to force me to talk (which ended up with us both sitting there for fifty minutes a session with staring at the ceiling and them writing notes on this fabulous staring). I feel psychologists are better for people who don't like to talk to people as they seem to be more interested to finding out if there is something wired differently in your brain and helping you adjust to dealing with it (and actually getting you to adjust).

So if you ever want to try that route again I suggest a qualified psychologist. Plus the ink blot test is fun (when they don't make that stupid little hmmm noise after you say something).

 

[ucatchtrout]

I know you don't like therapists (and I loathe therapists myself, all 13 that I went to. Yes that is the correct number) and you know what your problem is so might I suggest spending a few sessions with a psychologist. A good one would help you pin down what exactly your 'problem is', why it is there (if there even a reason why), and how to go about dealing with it.

I was forced through the aforementioned therapists, a psychiatrist, and three psychologists who all thought I was just depressed/too cynical/suicidal etc as a kid before finally the people forcing me through all this got lucky and a good psychologist came along. He figured out what was 'wrong' (and I use the term wrong loosely here) with me, and helped me figure out my own ways to deal with it without freaking out people around me who would try to go all pop psychologist on me.

It also probably helped that he wasn't like all the others who talked down to me and tried to force me to talk (which ended up with us both sitting there for fifty minutes a session with staring at the ceiling and them writing notes on this fabulous staring). I feel psychologists are better for people who don't like to talk to people as they seem to be more interested to finding out if there is something wired differently in your brain and helping you adjust to dealing with it (and actually getting you to adjust).

So if you ever want to try that route again I suggest a qualified psychologist. Plus the ink blot test is fun (when they don't make that stupid little hmmm noise after you say something).

THAT.... is exactly how its supposed to work Sebastian.

I'm glad you finally found the right person to help.

It sucks that you had to see so many people before you finally found the right person to help you. Good for you for not giving up.

I like what you said about some people having brains wired differently than others. That is how I see it too. Although I envision them to be a bit more like a computer, running differing thought processes that ought to be able to be examined and modified or reprogrammed to suit the desires of the individual.

 

[Sug]

i've been to therapists before and it just pisses me off. i mean i have nothign at all against them, i just dont like having to talk when they tell me (the scheduled time) and having to stop when they tell me too (times up). i dont like that feeling. i also dont like how they are getting paid to basically listen to me. i know they got into the field becfause tehy care and like helping, but i just cant get that out of my mind. i know its being stubborn i know. i just dont like that feeling. there not my friend, there my counselor. and thats only because im paying them.

i also feel that i know what they are goign to say. i know whats wrong with me. i dont deny anything. i know what i need to fix. i just cant for whatever reason. they may feel they have unearthed something in my childhood that makes me do what i do now, but ive already figured it out. they wouldnt be telling me anything i dont already know. and honestly i think my stubbornness wouldnt even let me listen to them again.

talking to mom is out of the question. thats just a whole bunch of "its ok honey everything will be ok" to a million compliments to her blaming herself. then its her freaking out thinking she wont ever see me again next time i leave the house.

i dont hate therapists at all. i think what they do for a lot of people is very great. but i know since i was little ive seen therapists and they dont do anything but annoy me.

and about the neil diamond thing, its a quote from the movie "what about bob". neil diamond is the reason bill murrays character divorced his wife.

I am going to level with you, you have a illness that needs to be treated. When you are ready to face that fact, you will need both therapy and medication. Now you may not like that, but it is fact. I suggest finding a support group through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) http://www.nami.org/

There are millions of people dealing with mental illness in the world, and you are simply one of them. There is nothing to feel guilty about. I have two people that I love and care deeply for that are impacted by mental illness, and when they are going through counseling and using meds they can cope very well. When they choose to get away from those things they struggle with the day to day. You can also suggest NAMI for you family and friends as they have several groups tailored for family and friends of those being impacted. Now you might be thinking why the fuck would I want to encourage them to go to a meeting about MY problems. Well clearly they have decided to take on your problems as their own because they love and care about you. If they were to attend the NAMI meetings they would meet many other people that are going through the same exact situation of having someone they love deal with a mental illness. It would give them some context and perspective to dealing with you that might actually make your life much easier in terms of these strained relationships. I wish you the best in dealing with your mental illness, and remember it is just like a physical illness in terms of the fact that you just had bad luck in the gene pool.