Official 2017-18 Blazers Limerick Thread

[mook]

There once was a seven foot stiff
As white as a white flag and he'd whiff
Shot after shot
Til finally old Stotts
Got his hands on 2 brand new "What ifs"

 

[Wizard Mentor]

There once was a girl from the Atlantic
Whose husband liked to cause panic
In great disgust
She threw him under the bus
Because he became a Laker Fanatic.

 

[andalusian]

It's a story as old as the sea
of what could have been or could be
He could shoot, could he guard?
He was never fantastic
His new home is now at the Atlantic

 

[SIeepwalker]

Story of the man who dressed as an elf
All summer spent to find his true self
Neverending tragedy
At least he had a trophy
Fan Fest MVP still sitting on his shelf

 

[SIeepwalker]

This tale speaks of a fan of the Blazers
Only him knew the truly best players
The fifteen men, they tantalize
Neil and Terry just didn't realize
They cut Briscoe, season over.

 

[PtldPlatypus]

The Nuggets were certainly fleeced
When we dealt for the Bosnian Beast
Now healthy and trim
We're excited for him
To face other teams' centers, and feast.

 

[e_blazer]

The league swings from the jocks of Golden State
The Blazers they say ain’t too great,
But with CJ and Dame,
Their predictions are lame,
Add Nurk and I like our chances, mate.

 

[Chris Craig]

There once was a seven foot stiff
As white as a white flag and he'd whiff
Shot after shot
Til finally old Stotts
Got his hands on 2 brand new "What ifs"

Why can't you leave Meyers alone
Your attack rages me to the bone
Such tasteless decorum
I may leave the forum
Then again he must reap what hes sown

 

[PtldPlatypus]

Why can't you leave Meyers alone
Your attack rages me to the bone
Such tasteless decorum
I may leave the forum
Then again he must reap what hes sown

 

[Chris Craig]

Story of the man who dressed as an elf
All summer spent to find his true self
Neverending tragedy
At least he had a trophy
Fan Fest MVP still sitting on his shelf

Though his words are long winded
And his shot open ended
Please leave meyers be
Just desist don't you see
Hes just not playing well right now

 

[julius]

There once was a poster named HCP,
Makes fun of the newbies, you see.
But it's just his shtick
Cause hes full of shit
When someone is upset, he feels crappy.

The Point Guard is from the Oak Town
He's tough and likes to throw down
He's from Weber State
And he's really great
A person, or place or thing is a noun.

Meyers, The Leonard, is bad.
And his hesitancy makes me real sad.
He flexes his arm
And shows off his charm
The fact he's still here makes me mad.

 

[BrianFromWA]

("The Kaman", 2014, to the cadence of "The Raven") ... since some of you newer folks never had the chance, and with a couple updates:

Once, upon a nighttime dreary watching Blazers' bigs get weary,
From results of switching silli-ly every pick across the floor
"Scrap!" would shout McScribbles as opponents' point guards dribbled
While Kaleb's hair would frizzle as fizzled schemes his defense would deplore
And as the Talkin' Ball crew scream "Przybilla ain't coming through that door!"
We sat, and glared, and nothing more.

Coach Stotts recalled, though, last December what he struggled to remember
while his defense, like burnt embers, left their scorches on the floor
Once it had been like this, that his defense was in crisis
And that Mavericks' new Isis, Tyson Chandler, lowered scores
That having competent big men helped Dallas earn a vict'ry tour
For the first time, evermore.

So when GM Neil Olshey, when he had agreed for Portland to pay
About $10k each day that Kaman graced a gametime floor
called a conf'rence for those to ask, as a journalistic task,
and had Chris with him to bask and answer all the hacks and bores
"Will he only play when teams like Golden State run up the score?"
Quoth Chris Kaman, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this man ungainly to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning--little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
in a presser not acceding to answer just one question more
"Shall your play recall to memory wretched days of 'Stony Hands' Magloire? "
Quoth Chris Kaman, "Nevermore."

Thus it did astonish, and the tone of it admonish
This giant's voice abolished hope and with it squashed young Leonard's chore
Signed from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his play one burden bore--
Till the dirges of his Hope that Meyers' melancholy bore
Of 'Never--nevermore.'"

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Kevin Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the burnished court.
"Chris!," Stotts cried, "thy God hath lent me--by the MLE he sent thee
Respite--respite and nepenthe from me playing Meyers Leonar_!
Will your number hang in Fame above the MODA Center's court?
Quoth Chris Kaman, "Nevermore."

Be that our sign of parting, Chris Kaman!" Meyers shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no scraggly beard as token of that lie Olshey has spoken!
Leave my contract's terms' unbroken!--quit the team and sign no more!
Take thy dagger from my heart, and sign the MLE no more !"
Quoth Chris Kaman, "OK, Sure."

Then I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To Olshey, whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
New trades I saw in him divining, Nurkic and a first combining,
Traded for that silver lining Plumlee's high-post "offense" bore,
But whose potential was outmatched when Nurk first dunked upon our floor,
Nurk shall start, ah, evermore!

And now Leonar_, never flitting, still is sitting, STILL is sitting!
On the splinter'd end of bench adorning Moda Center's Floor
And his eyes have all the scheming of a demon's that is steaming
And the spotlight o'er his scheming throws his shadow on the floor;
And his soul from out that shadow that cries to mount the floor
Shall get minutes--nevermore!

 

[Chris Craig]

There once was a poster named HCP,
Makes fun of the newbies, you see.
But it's just his shtick
Cause hes full of shit
When someone is upset, he feels crappy.

The Point Guard is from the Oak Town
He's tough and likes to throw down
He's from Weber State
And he's really great
A person, or place or thing is a noun.

Meyers, The Leonard, is bad.
And his hesitancy makes me real sad.
He flexes his arm
And shows off his charm
The fact he's still here makes me mad.

There once was a chubby hispanic
Who liked to mow lawns and cause panic.
He'd mess with the rookies
Some were tough cookies
They told him to go fuck a Xanax

The archetype point guard, hes clever
Lillard's game is truly exciting moreover
He plays like a God
In the wink of a nod
He scores, after the defense, he severs

For the last time stop heckling Meyers
I know that his game doesn't inspire
But, he's worked hard all summer
All this derision is a bummer
This season he'll set the doubters on fire

 

[Chris Craig]

The regular season is finally here
The first game is in hand, don't fear
Though CJs suspended
The season isn't upended
The Blazers play to win, such is clear

 

[SIeepwalker]

A very weird place, this is true
Inhabited by a very strange crew
A computer, a talking dog,
A guy bragging about his job
Welcome to RipCityTwo

 

[Mediocre Man]

This year is a new story
Blazers in all their glory
Nurk is here all year
Kev and Hurd we'll jeer
This year no purgatory?

 

[andalusian]

He lost a lot, thiry five at least
but still known as that wonderful Bosnean beast
Good summer wishes
and with Biggie beside
sorry my friends, for you no more rebound

 

[dviss1]

There once was a Caleb named Swanigan
Who's task was make Meyers a man again
So he tossed him aloft
Because Butter is soft
He didn't even care if he damaged him

But Butters he moves like a mannequin
So slow he won't get called for travelin'
Cuz he moves like a stiff
His feet hard to lift
Used to like him but can't be a fan again

Wish he was skywalkin' like Anakin
But he has most of this forum panickin'
Cuz he's worthless as fuck
And with him we are stuck
Damn I wish we had Brian Grant again

 

[Mediocre Man]

There once was a girl from Nantucket.
I asked her real nice if she'd suck it.
She took a good look.
Laughed until she shook.
I walked away sad and said fuck it.



Wait, Blazers.....

Meyers is from ol' Nantucket.
His play makes me say oh fuck it.
Contract has us hosed.
Plays defense eyes closed.
Bball IQ of a Muppet

 

[-Ace-]

Meyers Leonard surely does suck
Don't know why we paid him big bucks
To defend his foes,
His eyes are kept closed
Each time he checks in, I yell, "FUCK!"

 

[GrandpaBlaze]

The season is about to start all new,
Of bench players we have one too few,
But with Patty and Jakey,
And assistant coach Blakey,
We’ll play most our crew,
And on the bench the butter will stew.

 

[Orion Bailey]

You all are fucking crazy!!!!
pouring rhymes likes its turkey gravy!!!!
but what you don't get
Is that it's just a ball and net!!!
And Meyers says to the critics.... YOU CANT PHASE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[-Ace-]

CJ is best with the rock,
And so is Nurkic down on the block.
Harkless jams it a lot,
Aminu's D bothers shots,
Until it's Dame Time up on the clock

 

[mook]

CJ was suspended they say
A preseason bench leaving play
Stotts wasn't shocked
But CJ was rocked
And Chief responded with "Gaygay gay."

 

[mook]

Zangief crush Blanka and Ryu
M Bison he put in borscht stew
Dhalsim and Chun-Li
Dead can't you see
He also play basketball too

 

[PtldPlatypus]

Zangief crush Blanka and Ryu
M Bison he put in borscht stew
Dhalsim and Chun-Li
Dead can't you see
He also play basketball too

 

[mook]

Game 1:

No Vonleh no Collins no CJ
A young Suns team we're playing away
We win by near fifty
We all feel real nifty
(Meyers with the -1 boxscore play)

 

[PDXFonz]

There once was a Nurk from Nantucket
Who knocked down bucket after bucket
He said with a grin
Wiping sweat from his chin
Happy summer to every Nugget