Pray for my son, please.

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Good luck on all fronts. I have 2 sons of my own and I can't imagine someone hurting them, or any small children. That makes me sick.
 
Dante_Cunningham said:
yeah I been trying hard as I can to stay strong for him. I am pretty used to it now. Been in the hospital so much lately. Thanks for the love man.



Of course. DHS, Police... everyone has been notified and there is an indefinite no contact order against his mother and I have full custody.

I am not even a suspect because all this happened when Alec (my son) was in Salem with my ex wifes boyfriend. I had him 3 days a week, they had him 4. He was injured on their watch. There is no way that I am a suspect at all. But I do appreciate your concern.

The injury was discovered when the boyfriend called 911 when my son "randomly passed out" on September 3rd, then he was driven up to OHSU from Salem.

I do not have a lawyer, I do not really need one. This is an obvious case.

The guy and my sons mother are not blaming me. We are not in a fight or anything. We keep it civil. His mother and I that is. I have never spoke to the boyfriend besides casual encounters.
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So the boyfriend has hired a lawyer? Do you know if your son's mother has? Is she still with him?

I understand you are hurting financially and you don't have any money to spend on a lawyer but you need to have some sort of plan to get one. Is this guy an former cop who is trying to get a new cop job or is he currently employed as a cop? Does he have any money?

I can think of 100 reasons why you should have an attorney, you should call the Oregon State Bar referral services and/or the Lewis and Clark legal clinic and try and get someone to advise you. Maybe a few others on here could point you in the right direction.

Who is covering the medical bills?

You're in a rough spot.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your son.
 
SlyPokerDog said:
So the boyfriend has hired a lawyer? Do you know if your son's mother has? Is she still with him?

I understand you are hurting financially and you don't have any money to spend on a lawyer but you need to have some sort of plan to get one. Is this guy an former cop who is trying to get a new cop job or is he currently employed as a cop? Does he have any money?

I can think of 100 reasons why you should have an attorney, you should call the Oregon State Bar referral services and/or the Lewis and Clark legal clinic and try and get someone to advise you. Maybe a few others on here could point you in the right direction.

Who is covering the medical bills?

You're in a rough spot.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your son.
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I have health insurance with work. The social worker at the hospital gave me this form where I can get help with the rest of the medical bills. I also have an employee assistance program that can help as well.

This guy has money, he gets money every month from the VA because he is a injured veteran. He is hiring a lawyer probably because the cops think he did it and he denied the polygraph. He also lost his kids over this.

I have talked to a lawyer threw my employee assistance program as well. They gave me some advice.

I have been in contact with ex wifes probation officer, DHS, social workers, police and anyone else that can help me. This isn't really a battle between me and them. They are blaming the daycare. Not me. Everyone knows that I am not a suspect. I am not really worried about getting a lawyer.

I do want someone to help me fill out the custody paper work, and I have contacted people for that.

Ex wife and I do not fight. We actually get along better divorced then together. Anyhow, I have heard of calling law schools and seeing if any near graduates would like to take a case for cheap. I might look into that.
 
yakbladder said:
What's the update Dante? Or is that tomorrow?
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Well, we are staying the night again. No new seizures and he has been really well all day long. We have to do another cat scan at 6am to see if the blood moved at all or got any worse. It did not get worse from yesterday, so maybe it has stopped bleeding.

Tomorrow we should know if we have to have surgery or go home.

azsun67 said:
Good luck on all fronts. I have 2 sons of my own and I can't imagine someone hurting them, or any small children. That makes me sick.
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Thank you for your support.
 
Just got another update.

We apparently do not need a cat scan tomorrow morning. Either they have decided if we can go home or need surgery already. I feel like in my gut they will let us go home tomorrow with no surgery. But my gut has been wrong in the past.
 
Black Mamba said:
Yeah, he is fucked if he declined a polygraph and hired a lawyer.

I hope they lock his bitch ass up. Child beaters aren't accepted well in the prison yard. :]
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Neither are cops. This guy has hit the prison gang-rape Daily Double.
 
I hope it is good news tomorrow.

Just as an aside, there are such things as "Fathers' Rights" groups. You should check around and see if there is a group like that in Portland. They may be able to steer you to an attorney who specializes in helping dads in custody cases. A lawsuit against the dick and your ex to force them to help with the medical bills certainly seems in order. Even though your ex has (temporarily?) lost custody, she still has financial obligations. Besides, she is the one who exposed your son to this creep - and juries don't like that. Even if her parental rights are *permanently* revoked, that doesn't let her off the hook for what happened on her watch.

Just keep in mind - the object here is NOT revenge. The object is to protect your son and see that the bills get paid.
 
oldmangrouch said:
I hope it is good news tomorrow.

Just as an aside, there are such things as "Fathers' Rights" groups. You should check around and see if there is a group like that in Portland. They may be able to steer you to an attorney who specializes in helping dads in custody cases. A lawsuit against the dick and your ex to force them to help with the medical bills certainly seems in order. Even though your ex has (temporarily?) lost custody, she still has financial obligations. Besides, she is the one who exposed your son to this creep - and juries don't like that. Even if her parental rights are *permanently* revoked, that doesn't let her off the hook for what happened on her watch.

Just keep in mind - the object here is NOT revenge. The object is to protect your son and see that the bills get paid.
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I hope you don't mind OMG, but you've revealed it before--OMG is a retired attorney. I'd listen to his advice in this matter more than almost anyone else.
 
oldmangrouch said:
I hope it is good news tomorrow.

Just as an aside, there are such things as "Fathers' Rights" groups. You should check around and see if there is a group like that in Portland. They may be able to steer you to an attorney who specializes in helping dads in custody cases. A lawsuit against the dick and your ex to force them to help with the medical bills certainly seems in order. Even though your ex has (temporarily?) lost custody, she still has financial obligations. Besides, she is the one who exposed your son to this creep - and juries don't like that. Even if her parental rights are *permanently* revoked, that doesn't let her off the hook for what happened on her watch.

Just keep in mind - the object here is NOT revenge. The object is to protect your son and see that the bills get paid.
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Thank you for the advice. And I know, I do not want any kind of revenge. I have been civil with his mother throughout this whole thing and I let her know what is happening. My heart still loves her. She is the mother of my child and was my wife. I planned on living the rest of my life with her. Even after all she has put me threw, I still love her and I do not want anything bad to happen to her if she did not do anything. Don't get me wrong, I would never go back to her or anything like that. But I do still love her and care for her.

maxiep said:
I hope you don't mind OMG, but you've revealed it before--OMG is a retired attorney. I'd listen to his advice in this matter more than almost anyone else.
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Oh good! Thanks for letting me know! Thank you OMG!

(at first when you wrote OMG i was like "why 'i hope you dont mind oh my god?!" then i realized old man grouch lol)
 
Focusing all o fmy positive energy towards you and your son this morning. Hope that we hear good news posted from you soon. My first kid(daughter) will be born in January or February, and I can't imagine what you have been going through these last few days. Best of luck to you and your child.
 
Dante... praying for you and your boy. I have a 14 month old daughter and two sons and I can't really conceive how any human could hurt a child like that. Try to stay positive and I hope you get good news today.
 
Black Mamba said:
The truth is going to come out, just keep believing in that, man. Until then, don't worry about it. Worry about your son and pray for him. He'll be okay, just stay strong :]!
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There's a lot of wisdom in Black Mamba's post.

Truth is a funny thing. It just has a habit of floating to the top. Be patient and the truth will come out fully and things will be taken care of. Beyond that, stay in prayer.
 
Wishing you and your boy the best. I also think it's a good idea to at least consult an attorney, since the "suspect", as he must be legally called, seems to have money & contacts and his lawyer will try to find some way to screw you over. LAST thing you need right now. I'd personally tend to avoid the "Father's Rights" because they have a big axe to grind and if your relationship with the boy's mother is amicable or at least courteous, you'd be kissing that goodbye, believe me.

I truly fail to see why children are put with men (or women) who have lost custody of their own kids due to child abuse/neglect. The system is screwy, underfunded, and subject to political pressures. And of course some poor kid pays the price.

Please keep us posted, I hope your son is OK.
 
While I'm a lawyer, this is way out of my space (I do corporate/licensing work -- no litigation.) That said, I have a couple thoughts on all this.

First, it sounds like you're already going the right direction in having child protective services involved. It's all about keeping your ex and her boyfriend away from your son so he's not harmed any more. Ideally, we'd know who did the harm and keep that dumbass away. Given we don't know, they should both be kept away or, at least in the case of your wife, only allowed supervised contact.

One of the better low cost ways to hire an attorney is to hire them on a contingency -- you only pay if you win the case. The downside if you win is that you pay them more than if you'd paid them upfront (which is kind of fair because they took on the risk of not being paid at all.) I don't know how common this is in Oregon or if the dollar amount would be big enough to make an attorney interested. The fancy downtown lawyers are probably less likely to work this way, but it still might make sense.

The last thing that comes to my mind is that it's always great to have an insurance company on your side. They've got lawyers and deep pockets and may go after the prig if the bills are high. Again, I don't practice this kind of law and it's possible I'm off base, but I'd at least raise this question if/when you start talking to lawyers.

Whup, one more thing that you mentioned in an earlier post -- some law schools run clinics -- these are supervised by faculty and allow students to get some experience. I'm not sure what clinics are available at UO, Willamette, L&C law schools, but it's possible one may be able to help. You obviously would not get a seasoned attorney out of this, but you'd probably get a law student with something to prove. Again, not ideal, but it may be a way to address the problem and keep costs low.
 
crandc said:
Wishing you and your boy the best. I also think it's a good idea to at least consult an attorney, since the "suspect", as he must be legally called, seems to have money & contacts and his lawyer will try to find some way to screw you over. LAST thing you need right now. I'd personally tend to avoid the "Father's Rights" because they have a big axe to grind and if your relationship with the boy's mother is amicable or at least courteous, you'd be kissing that goodbye, believe me.
Click to expand...

I understand your concern. In a "normal" divorce/custody case, I always told people "you divorce your spouse, not your kids, and you need to keep things civil." This is not a normal case.

If the situation were reversed, their is no question the father would (rightly) be held financially accountable. Sadly, that doesn't always happen with the mother. To complicate matters, this creepy boyfriend isn't just Joe Sixpack. He is a cop/ war vet. Even if they prove he is responsible, he will claim PTSD, and paint himself as a victim. Call me a cynic, but I doubt he will ever be held accountable in crimminal court. That will then open the door for the ex to try to reclaim custody - even if she is still with the guy who hurt the child!

Sometimes, you need to go for the throat. Not to "get even", but because the safety of the child demands it. IMHO,this is not a case where "Dante" needs a domestic relations lawyer who excels at working out amicable compromises. He needs a pitbull.
 
oldmangrouch said:
I understand your concern. In a "normal" divorce/custody case, I always told people "you divorce your spouse, not your kids, and you need to keep things civil." This is not a normal case.

If the situation were reversed, their is no question the father would (rightly) be held financially accountable. Sadly, that doesn't always happen with the mother. To complicate matters, this creepy boyfriend isn't just Joe Sixpack. He is a cop/ war vet. Even if they prove he is responsible, he will claim PTSD, and paint himself as a victim. Call me a cynic, but I doubt he will ever be held accountable in crimminal court. That will then open the door for the ex to try to reclaim custody - even if she is still with the guy who hurt the child!

Sometimes, you need to go for the throat. Not to "get even", but because the safety of the child demands it. IMHO,this is not a case where "Dante" needs a domestic relations lawyer who excels at working out amicable compromises. He needs a pitbull.
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So even though his mother and I get along very well and are very civil, you still think I should get a lawyer?

I am 99% positive she will stay with this guy, because she doesn't think he did anything. She is blaming the day care center at her work. (Her story has changed so much with the police and DA that I am sure they know she is a liar.) I do not think they will come after me with their lawyers. The incident happened when I was 60 miles away. Everyone knows that. There is no way that I could be a suspect.

I took pictures of the bruises that I noticed on 08.28.09 and notified Police. The 'major' head injury happened on 09.03.09 - while he was with his mother and her boyfriend. I just don't see how, no matter how good the lawyer is, they could even hint that I am responsible at all. I just do not see that happening.
 
Dante_Cunningham said:
So even though his mother and I get along very well and are very civil, you still think I should get a lawyer?

I am 99% positive she will stay with this guy, because she doesn't think he did anything. She is blaming the day care center at her work. (Her story has changed so much with the police and DA that I am sure they know she is a liar.) I do not think they will come after me with their lawyers. The incident happened when I was 60 miles away. Everyone knows that. There is no way that I could be a suspect.

I took pictures of the bruises that I noticed on 08.28.09 and notified Police. The 'major' head injury happened on 09.03.09 - while he was with his mother and her boyfriend. I just don't see how, no matter how good the lawyer is, they could even hint that I am responsible at all. I just do not see that happening.
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Cover your ass. Get a lawyer regardless of whether or not you think they'll do anything or you think anything will happen.

Don't assume anything, even from the mother of your child.
 
Sorry to hear about your son. I don't know how anyone can justify hitting a 20 month old. So hard it makes him bleed. I know this much, as soon as he comes out of this. I would be looking for justice. No question about it.

Other than that. I hope all is well for your son. I wish him the best in the healing process.
 
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RoyIsClutch07 said:
Sorry to hear about your son. I don't know how anyone can justify hitting a 20 month old. So hard it makes him bleed. I know this much, as soon as he comes out of this. I would be looking for justice. No question about it.

Other than that. I hope all is well for your son. I wish him the best in the healing process.
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Thank you sir.

And Julius, I will take your advice. I am trying to see what I can do to get legal representation.
 
Dante_Cunningham said:
So even though his mother and I get along very well and are very civil, you still think I should get a lawyer?

I am 99% positive she will stay with this guy, because she doesn't think he did anything. She is blaming the day care center at her work. (Her story has changed so much with the police and DA that I am sure they know she is a liar.) I do not think they will come after me with their lawyers. The incident happened when I was 60 miles away. Everyone knows that. There is no way that I could be a suspect.

I took pictures of the bruises that I noticed on 08.28.09 and notified Police. The 'major' head injury happened on 09.03.09 - while he was with his mother and her boyfriend. I just don't see how, no matter how good the lawyer is, they could even hint that I am responsible at all. I just do not see that happening.
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Honestly, I think you need to cover your bases. At least, there are lawyers out there who don't charge for an initial consultation. You can get an objective view on where you stand, and the ex doesn't need to know.

Frankly, my concern isn't that they will try to blame you. I am more concerned on what will happen if the police investigation fizzles out. If your ex did this, and I know you don't want to believe that, she needs to take responsibility and get help. If the boyfriend is at fault, she needs to not protect him. Otherwise, the day may come that she wants custody back, or at least unsupervised visitation. At that point, your son is back at risk.

Sorry if I sound alarmist. It is just that people who abuse kids and get away with it have a strong tendency to do it again.

Besides, why should you be bankrupted by the medical bills, when your ex has a legal (and moral) obligation to contribute!
 
oldmangrouch said:
Honestly, I think you need to cover your bases. At least, there are lawyers out there who don't charge for an initial consultation. You can get an objective view on where you stand, and the ex doesn't need to know.

Frankly, my concern isn't that they will try to blame you. I am more concerned on what will happen if the police investigation fizzles out. If your ex did this, and I know you don't want to believe that, she needs to take responsibility and get help. If the boyfriend is at fault, she needs to not protect him. Otherwise, the day may come that she wants custody back, or at least unsupervised visitation. At that point, your son is back at risk.

Sorry if I sound alarmist. It is just that people who abuse kids and get away with it have a strong tendency to do it again.

Besides, why should you be bankrupted by the medical bills, when your ex has a legal (and moral) obligation to contribute!
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Great advice. Thank you very much.

Now they are telling us we have to stay for 2 more days. I am getting really frustrated :(
 
Just hang in there. Stay as long as they want you there. They aren't fucking with you, they are looking out for your boy. Just hang in there man.
 
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