jlprk
The ESPN mod is insane.
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2009
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I'd like to see a new stat, the number of verbal arguments and threatened fights a player gets into with other players. Two categories of on-court arguments.
1) The "Payton" argument. This is a player yapping his mouth off all game, but the opposing coach has warned his players, so it has no effect. Similarly, the referees have been warned by Stern and Stuie Jackson to "Ignore this dick." His teammates have come to expect the misery, so they endure, hoping to get traded. Desensitivized, the superstar, head coach, and fans hide their sorrows by bloating up their weights, eating nothing but steer steaks, and running to Cleveland, Denver/Portland, or Oklahoma City.
2) The "Przybilla" argument. This is a player who irritates the hell out of opposing players and drives them loco. This opens opportunities for his own team to exploit. When the opposing player shows the least bit of rebellion over being bullied, this player runs up to push him around and inform him that he will not be allowed to play normally in this game and he might as well hit the showers right now for a long bubbly one. The key skill is to act morally outraged that the opponent does not enjoy your dirty play, and to convert him into a spectator on the court while you display your shaman voodoo mental dominance of his weak mind. A secondary skill is to bodily push him around while keeping your arms at your side. Always ahead of the curve, Mark Cuban has been a leader in recognizing the need to put at least two arm amputees into his talented staff of specialized assistant coaches.
1) The "Payton" argument. This is a player yapping his mouth off all game, but the opposing coach has warned his players, so it has no effect. Similarly, the referees have been warned by Stern and Stuie Jackson to "Ignore this dick." His teammates have come to expect the misery, so they endure, hoping to get traded. Desensitivized, the superstar, head coach, and fans hide their sorrows by bloating up their weights, eating nothing but steer steaks, and running to Cleveland, Denver/Portland, or Oklahoma City.
2) The "Przybilla" argument. This is a player who irritates the hell out of opposing players and drives them loco. This opens opportunities for his own team to exploit. When the opposing player shows the least bit of rebellion over being bullied, this player runs up to push him around and inform him that he will not be allowed to play normally in this game and he might as well hit the showers right now for a long bubbly one. The key skill is to act morally outraged that the opponent does not enjoy your dirty play, and to convert him into a spectator on the court while you display your shaman voodoo mental dominance of his weak mind. A secondary skill is to bodily push him around while keeping your arms at your side. Always ahead of the curve, Mark Cuban has been a leader in recognizing the need to put at least two arm amputees into his talented staff of specialized assistant coaches.

