We might be joking, but this is truly sickening.....
I was a Security Guard for about 6 years. Unfortunately, this would not surprise me if this was real.
It's a completely thankless, soul-crushing job that only appeals to you if you have no life aspirations and just generally need to put food on the table because you don't know how to do anything else. And the only thing you can do is work work work.
Sleep in your car during snow storms because you're afraid you won't be able to make it back out there the next day (and your boss will fire you if you don't)? Oh yes.
Sleep on your buddy's moldy couch after a 14 hour shift because you're too utterly exhausted to drive 30 miles home in morning rush hour traffic? Yep.
Piss in the bushes in pouring rain because the client doesn't want you using the facilities you're supposed to be guarding; and therefore didn't leave you a bathroom key? Uh huh.
I had exactly one vacation in 6 years. And my boss strait up told me that he never read any of my paperwork; the very paperwork I meticulously wrote out by hand to the point of having a sore on my middle finger from gripping the pen for so long.
It's an utterly awful job, and this kind of stuff doesn't surprise me in the least. The smart folks learn to avoid the job altogether, so the company grabs whatever schmucks are left over. Drug addicts? Drunks? Questionable histories? Don't have all of your licenses and State paperwork in order?
Doesn't matter to them.
Can you wear a uniform? Yes? Then get out there; the client needs you as an insurance policy to its customers. You're not actually allowed to DO anything, you see. We just gave you those cuffs and baton to look cute.
Guards openly masturbating during a live game? They'll fire him and hire someone who's probably not much higher on the character chart than an ant.
The most I ever made was $10.32/hour. You'd have to pay me a minimum of $20/hour to get me to even consider going back to that line of work. I left Security in 2007 and entered Counseling for depression, stress, and exhaustion. Zanax, Ambien, and other pills were the only comfort I had for a long time after that.
I don't envy Mr. Masturbater here. I pity him. You all should.
Sorry for the rant. It's 3:20 in the morning, and occasionally I find old resentments bubbling to the surface.
