OT Vitamin deficient

[Road Ratt]

Recent blood work showed that I had been low on vitamin D. I had also been low on magnesium. With supplements and a change in my diet my memory is now almost as good as ever.

After 5 years my head is finally clear. But the prolonged stress has left me with one problem that I finally figured out. For months I have been telling my counselor that I can't feel my emotions properly. In fact that I couldn't feel any emotions properly. Not even when I see a bad call by the referees, or the Blazers are winning big, etc. . While re-watching videos on derealization/depersonalization (DPDR), it turns out that one of the symptoms is lack of emotions. It may take months or years to recover. I have no idea.

This is why I can't and won't have the proper reactions to events that other people are having. And why I responded the way I did about the bridge collapse the other day. I can't feel anything properly.

Last month several events triggered the derealization to a point that I can no longer sleep well, yet again.

I had to call an ambulance to my online friends house yesterday due to their mental state. They are in the hospital for the 2nd time in 2 months. If my friend doesn't survive this year. I may not recover from it for years. I am not in any shape to deal with it at the moment.

Much of this song truly says it all.

 

[Road Ratt]

I still can't sleep. I am still not back to where I was before last month. I understand what I need to do. Problem is, you can't stay focused on the task while depersonalizing, nor not sleeping well. I am usually stress free, except for dealing with my friend.

I finally get my head cleared after 5 years of hell to find out that the years of stress have left me with DP/DR. Now I still have more recovery to do. That was a gut punch to the system.

As I've been recovering, I keep feeling that I am doing better than I really am. But last month showed me that I still have a long ways to go until I am fully recovered. The more I recovered the stranger things became. I have been having a harder time than usual talking to people.

I had to do all of this on my own as my counselor had no idea what I was going through, nor my doctor. Which made it take much longer than it should have for me to recover to this point.

I first noticed the depersonalization in early 2019 while dealing with health problems. Covid-19 in early 2020 only made things worse. I never slept so much during '21-'23 in my life. No energy at all due to the vitamin deficiencies. I only stopped hurting myself accidentally a few months ago. You tend to hurt yourself more when you can't feel anything properly. I stopped yelling and screaming, due to the feeling of fire in my head, last year sometime. I put my brother through hell. At least I stopped waking him up in the middle of the night. Personally, he should have beat me to death in my sleep. But I am still here somehow.

Anyhoo, I realized that I hadn't posted anything on DP/DR. Here are a couple of videos, in case you want to check them out. None of them show exactly what I went through. Everyone's DP/DR is different.

 

[Road Ratt]

 

[Hoopguru]

Im sorry you are dealing with such a tough condition, I hope you can find ways to cope when you need it most. I sometimes feel as people need to find ways to deal or avoid all together things that cause us stress. I know is easier said than done. Today with all things at grasp through the net (it's like, where do you want to go, without getting into a vehicle) it makes it more likely to experience soemthing stressful. Could be any topic or what's happening around us, it can encapsulate us immediately if we dont have a parachute or way to leave it alone. Finding ways to deal with stress and impute a positive outlook or assessment can be medicine. Being active physically can be helpful too. Walking, bike riding or simple exercising. I hope you feel better today ! Hoopguru

 

[riverman]

Vitamin D comes primarily from sunshine and that with exercise and fresh air can be very healing. I take a vitamin D supplement to deal with Oregon winters and now these days I spend as much time as possible outdoors enjoying the world offline. Sounds like you have a lot going on and I sincerely hope you find a comfort zone and that probably starts with a good night sleep...if you lack exercise you will probably not be tired physically at night so those two things are often connected. Good luck and I hope your friends get professional help.

 

[THE HCP]

How does this apply to the forum rules? If we send in a doctor’s note that we aren’t able to handle interactions on here in accordance of the rules…… it’s a free for all? I see that people can get banned and simply change their name and return, so I don’t know why this is any different.

 

[THE HCP]

Honest question. Not trying to crack on anybody, just seems strange to be able to find a video, share it and then I don’t have to follow the rules.

 

[Road Ratt]

Im sorry you are dealing with such a tough condition, I hope you can find ways to cope when you need it most. I sometimes feel as people need to find ways to deal or avoid all together things that cause us stress. I know is easier said than done. Today with all things at grasp through the net (it's like, where do you want to go, without getting into a vehicle) it makes it more likely to experience soemthing stressful. Could be any topic or what's happening around us, it can encapsulate us immediately if we dont have a parachute or way to leave it alone. Finding ways to deal with stress and impute a positive outlook or assessment can be medicine. Being active physically can be helpful too. Walking, bike riding or simple exercising. I hope you feel better today ! Hoopguru

Thanks.

Yeah, I can avoid most news. Stress will always come up, but my only stress now is my friend. In my current condition of recovery, no matter how much I exercise, I can't recover far enough while dealing with the possible loss of them.

So my head depersonalizes/derealizes to protect itself. It is a learned response. It takes work to reverse it. But I can only keep on track during certain times, like right now. Tomorrow I might not be able to. I never really know.

 

[Road Ratt]

Vitamin D comes primarily from sunshine and that with exercise and fresh air can be very healing. I take a vitamin D supplement to deal with Oregon winters and now these days I spend as much time as possible outdoors enjoying the world offline. Sounds like you have a lot going on and I sincerely hope you find a comfort zone and that probably starts with a good night sleep...if you lack exercise you will probably not be tired physically at night so those two things are often connected. Good luck and I hope your friends get professional help.

Thanks.

I don't get enough sun, and doubt that I can. I have no place to go in my area to sit in the sun. Our yard is too small for it. I don't drink milk so no vitamin D there. The only vitamin D I get is by taking vitamin D3 and eating fish.

I was sleeping well until last month when I had a setback. It will take time to even recover to a point where I was before then.

I do Qi gong. It is a form of moving meditation. It helps, but can only help so much right now.

I hope my friend gets the medication they need. They are a great person. My mental health depends on having them around. They helped me so much, over the last 5 years, while I was going through my hell.

 

[PtldPlatypus]

How does this apply to the forum rules?

It doesn't

 

[THE HCP]

It doesn't

Good to know.

 

[Phatguysrule]

Honest question. Not trying to crack on anybody, just seems strange to be able to find a video, share it and then I don’t have to follow the rules.

 

[Road Ratt]

In March I had a major setback. After watching more videos on the subject, it turns out that, due to the years of stress, my nervous system has learned to stay in the "fight or flight" mode. And therefore I need to retrain it to get back to normal. I have already found some videos with techniques to try. Hopefully they will start helping soon. It will still take months or even years until I am fully recovered from the DP/DR.

My recovery has been hampered by having to deal with my online friend and their mental health, as well as my own. I am in an impossible situation. Being autistic, I was never meant to be anyone's parent/counselor. In the end, that is pretty much what I have become. It isn't my friends fault, no blame here. My friend lives all alone, with no living parents or siblings, and doesn't have family that is willing to come over and help them. So I am about the only person that can, or is willing, to help them. The stress is difficult to deal with, but I will figure out a way to manage. I could never turn my back on my friend.

My friend just got back home Monday, after his 2nd trip to the psych ward in 2 months. Last night they were ready to go back again after only two days. It turns out they were only given Paxil, which does little for their anxiety, and nothing at all for their paranoia, from the borderline personality disorder.

I thought I would post this before I, possibly, have another setback and lose my abilities to communicate even further. It turns out that the condition I am currently in, with my vagus nerve sort of dysfunctional. It is the reason I lose my abilities to communicate properly when I become too stressed. Tomorrow, I might not be able to post this well. I just don't know.

Anyhoo, here is a video describing what it is like to have DP/DR.



For me, DP/DR is scarier than any anxiety/panic attack or depression that I have ever felt. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

[Road Ratt]

During my recovery, I mostly watch videos because they have been easier to deal with than reading an article. And, if I can find the correct video that explains everything well, I can learn much faster than reading.



Another great video explaining DP/DR.