I'm bored enough to actually rank those mascots:
1. Phoenix Suns (global warming is going to kill us all!)
2. Washington Wizards (a wizard's a fully trained magician, plus Gandalf was friggin' badass)
3. Orlando Magic (magic can do almost anything: wingardium leviosa!)
4. Houston Rockets (its only attack is suicide, but it would take out everything in its vicinity)
5. Toronto Raptors (there's a reason the dudes in Jurassic Park feared it the most: its a reptilian killing machine)
6. Dallas Mavericks (cowboys have a gun; modern technology flexes its muscle)
7. Cleveland Cavaliers (cavaliers are like elite warriors, with huge swords and a ton of armour)
8. Memphis Grizzlies (grizzlies are friggin' beasts: probably the most dangerous of the wild animals)
9. Chicago Bulls (are damn dangerous when they get in a rage; were collectively 
pwned by Bugs Bunny)
10. Minnesota Timberwolves (wolves are damn good hunters and got enough endurance when hunting)
11. Golden State Warriors (has a weapon and probably underwent some sort of training, but they're 
woefully unarmed)
12. Detroit Pistons (wild horses can be deadly with their hindhooves, but still aren't predators)
13. Charlotte Bobcats (the weakest of the carnivores/wild animals)
14. Milwaukee Bucks (they can ram, but are still just herbivores without a killer instinct)
15. Denver Nuggets (those 
old miners are tough and have a pickaxe)
16. Atlanta Hawks (it can fly all it wants, but eventually it has to swoop down to attack and then it'll get the beatdown)
17. Los Angeles Clippers (at least barbers have a weapon in its razor; bonus points if its Sweeney Todd) 
18. Portland Trail Blazers (pioneers/expeditioners are tough, but they don't got much besides their hands and feet)
19. Boston Celtics (short Irish leprechauns are better suited to 
running away than fighting)
20. Sacramento Kings (strip away their armies/kingdoms and kings are always fat, pampered pansies)
21. New Orleans Hornets (they don't die after one sting like honeybees, but you just have to swat them)
22. New York Knicks (
Father Knickerbocker was a fatass)
INANIMATE THINGS
23. Seattle SuperSonics (
sonic boom!) 
24. Indiana Pacers (it was meant to refer to racing cars, which are sturdy and can run over things)
25. San Antonio Spurs (ask a horse: spurs can hurt like a bitch)
26. New Jersey Nets (nets can be a nuisance when you get tangled in them)
27. Los Angeles Lakers (any idiot can swim through or walk around a body of water)
28. Miami Heat (get a damn air conditioner)
29. Utah Jazz (emo is the only music that actually pains me, jazz just mellows you out)
30. Philadelphia 76ers (its a year that's passed, which means its dead already)