Republican debate

[barfo]

Attempting to live blog a recording of this.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

I watched the entire thing. Can't wait for your take on it.

 

[barfo]

Intro remarks:
Rand Paul: Missed it.
Kasich: Kids think politicians are annoying, but destroying ISIS is good.
Christie: Obama bad. Clinton bad. LA schools closed today. Those kids are scarred for life. And so are their parents. Fathers in LA work, wives don't. I be prosecutor. Me make America safe.
Fiorina: I'm angry, although I look strangely less angry than in any prior debate. I've been called every b-word in the book. Not brilliant, however. I'm not good at applying lipstick.
Bush: I am reading from a textbook. This is my book report. We love to win.
Rubio: I love Las Vegas. My granddad smoked. Obama bad. I love America.
Cruz: America is at war. Obama bad. Clinton bad. Political correctness bad.
Carson: Moment of silence (will be his best moment in this debate, no doubt). I was a doctor. Political correctness bad. Congress should declare war.
Trump: China, Japan, Mexico bad. Iran deal bad. I'm center stage. I'm good enough. People like me.

 

[barfo]

Wolf: Ban muslims?
Trump: Security. America is out of control. I will build a wall that will be impermeable to drugs. Cell phones have ISIS flags on them! I'll deport anyone Obama let in.
Wolf: Is Trump unhinged?
Bush: Donald is a Chaos candidate.
Trump: Jeb is a LOOOOOSER.
Bush: Obama bad. Our standards are too high. Trump not serious.
Rubio: Obama bad. It's not just a rock in Syria. Obama bad.

 

[barfo]

Hewitt: How do you disagree with Trump?
Cruz: Obama bad. Clinton bad. Refugees bad. Trump not bad. FDR's grandfather talked about horse thieves. It's not a war on faith, it's a war on theology.
Fiorina: We need solutions. I offer myself. I'm not a lawyer or an entertainer. The iPad was invented in 2011. Twitter! I got a phone call in 2001. I know the private sector. I will ask them,
Christie: Obama bad, Clinton bad. People are scared. Everywhere in America is a target! Obama bad. We need a cabinet.
Kasich: I said last February to restart the last gulf war. Destroy ISIS with our Arab friends. Share intelligence with our European friends. Encryption bad. Pay me now.

 

[barfo]

Bash: you voted with Obama
Cruz: I am not going to answer that. I gave us greater tools. Now we have cell phones. Obama bad. We need to stop terrorists before they act.
Rubio: ISIS bad. We need more tools. Cruz took away a tool.
Cruz: Marco is a liar liar pants on fire. it's Alinsky-like.
Rubio: Let me be clear... garble garble.
Paul: Collecting data makes us less safe. Marco is weak on immigration. Really, really weak. Marco loves Chuck E. Schumer.
Rubio: Your bill would keep tourists from Taiwan out. Terrorists are american citizens.
Paul: Every terrorist attack has been legal immigration. Marco weak.
Christie: Senators suck. They are not executives. I made decisions as a prosecutor. No one cares about Marco and Ted and Rand. We stopped four dicks from being attacked by terrorists.

 

[MarAzul]

Nothing more to be said.

 

[barfo]

Wolf: You want to monitor mosques
Carson: Let me just complain a bit. (actual quote) We need to be suspicious. Political correctness bad. We are at war.
Wolf: Rubio or Paul correct?
Carson: Fuck, I wasn't listening to them!
Wolf: what about your brother?
Jeb: We need muslims, lots of muslims. We need a strategy. It needs leadership.
Wolf: Should tech companies be forced to help the NSA?
Fiorina: Private sector will help but only if they are asked. That's why healthcare.gov failed.
Wolf: what does closing internet mean?
Trump: I want to keep ISIS from doing what they are doing. We should use our minds to keep ISIS from using internet. We can penetrate internet with our brilliant people.
Kasich: We have to hold metadata. We want more, it's good for families. Encryption bad! It's not easy to penetrate! Must penetrate! Encryption bad!
Wolf: carpet bomb isis capital?
Cruz: use air power. worked against iraq army. arm kurds. kill isis where they are. political correctness bad.
WOlf: so carpet bomb civilians?
Cruz: I have no idea what carpet bombing actually means. I just think it sounds cool.

 

[MarAzul]

Wolf: Rubio or Paul correct?
Carson: Fuck, I wasn't listening to them!

Ha! No, I think you got that one wrong. More like,
Fuck, I have no idea!

 

[MarAzul]

Well it appears now like Trump and Cruz will control enough votes so they can join forces for control. The Republican establishment would have little say, unless there are some torpedoes in the water.

 

[barfo]

Rubio: ISIS is bad. We need boots on the ground. Arab boots. Our air force is too feeble and weak to bomb ISIS. ISIS is better at propaganda than we are.
Wolf: What about Cruz?
Rubio: Yep, Cruz voted against the troops and the Iron Dome. He wants to make our air force have too few bombs to bomb ISIS.
Cruz: I voted against defense funding because I promised Texas voters to do so. Bad guys are bad. Kill bad guys.
Rubio: Obama bad. Hillary bad.
Facebook person: kill civilians? Isn't that what ISIS does?
Trump: we have to be tough. Families knew. I would be 'very very firm' with families of terrorists.
Bush: Not serious. Crazy. Trump said 2 months ago that ISIS not our fight. Not serious. He likes Clinton!
Trump: Jeb's nice.
Jeb/Trump: I'm talking! No, I'm Talking!
Trump: With Jeb's attitude, we will never be great again.

 

[MarAzul]

Trump: With Jeb's attitude, we will never be great again.

Jeb: Seething but out of time.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

This seems like a good thread for this...

http://butthatsnoneofmybusiness.com...in-womans-vagina-during-shoplifting-incident/

 

[barfo]

Hewitt: Can you kill women, kids, destroy villages?
Carson: Kids don't like to be operated on. Then they love me.
Carson: (Then actually a very good answer the second try on that question.)
Paul: Regime change is stupid. So is Trump. Have you never heard of the constitution?
Trump: we will infiltrate, not close the internet.
Kasich: We gotta have a coalition and not wait for anyone to join it!
Fiorina: You are ignoring me!
Rubio: Obama bad.
Fiorina: Talking tough not enough. I'm tough. I'm not a senator! Here's the names of some generals that are retired. Obama bad. Didn't quite get the facts right, but hey, I'm Carly. I'm a woman, I get things done.
Christie: I'm not responsible, I'm not a senator. Shit doesn't work in NJ, I get blamed - hell, look at my approval rating! It sucks! I'm gonna stand with a dead King.
Carson: I'm trying hard to repeat my memorized foreign policy lines. And I'm not going to call it Hummus again! We should put boots on the ground if anyone says we should.

 

[KingSpeed]

Thanks for the transcript, barfo.

 

[barfo]

Wolf: you like dictators, don't you?
Cruz: Obama bad, Hillary bad. Democrats toppled Gaddafi, Mubarak. Let's keep Assad.
Wolf: You supported Obama!
Rubio: Gaddafi was going to go anyway. He was scared. Assad bad, I will not cry for him.
Cruz: Obama funds purple unicorns. I like Netanyahu.
Kasich: Assad's gotta go.
Trump: In my opinion... (protesters...) we wasted $4T
Fiorina: That's what Obama said. (also the truth) Clinton bad!
Trump: Benghazi was a disaster because of Libya (huh?) . Ben's a nice guy but I've been talking about oil for 3 years! Take the oil.
Carson: We need oxygen, the plane is going down. It has been for thousands of years.
Bush: Getting rid of Saddam was good. Obama bad.
Paul: Regime change was bad, Saddam was bad. Everyone still wants regime change. That's what causes terrorism
Cruz: It's not my turn, but I insist on talking. Really, I insist on talking!

 

[barfo]

Trump: Assad is a bad guy. Rebels, we don't know who they are.
Christie: Iran nuclear deal created ISIS. Iran is the enemy.
Paul: No, Assad does not need to go.
Kasich: Punch Russia in the nose.
...
Christie: I would definitely shoot down a russian plane! That's what I wanna do! America, Fuck Yeah!
Paul: Christie is your candidate for WWIII. And by the way, Bridgegate!

 

[barfo]

Bush: Awesome line about Trump getting his views from 'shows, saturday morning or sunday morning'.
Trump: meltdown!
Bush: You are a weanie, Trump!
Trump: your poll numbers suck!
Kasich: Let me defuse this by boring you.
Hewitt: can you be commander-in-chief?
Carson: I've built things, I'm a doer. I've done stuff. I started a scholarship fund.
Bash: Do you still support your immigration bill?
Rubio: I know immigrants. I served with immigrants. Dana, you are no immigrant. But yeah, I'd give them a work permit.
Bash: You didn't answer the question.
Rubio: Yeah, and I'm not gonna.
Bash: Please attack Rubio.
Cruz: Well, he sucks. He sleeps with Chuck Schumer. Obama bad. Refugees bad.
Rubio: Refugees are different today. Ted is a liar. Ted sucks big donkey balls.
Cruz: I call bullshit. He wants amnesty, I don't.
FIorina: YOU ARE IGNORING ME!
Cruz: Clinton and Bush deported illegal aliens. (for some reason, doesn't mention # deported by Obama)
Trump: Wall. Wall. Wall.
Bash: Are you all being stupid, since you need Hispanic votes?
Bush: Yep. Obama bad. Hillary bad.

 

[barfo]

Wolf: You thought refugee camps were nice.
Carson: Yep. They want to stay, and then go home. There are airstrips in Syria. We should give Kurds weapons. We need to choose right choice.
Paul: Marco loves Chuck E. Schumer.
Christie: I was a prosecutor. End of conversation. Women are evil.
Kasich: Ohio is terrorist-free. Except for the minors.

 

[barfo]

Fiorina: Kim Jung Un dangerous. Previous administrations failed. So we should keep doing the same things. China bad.
Carson: Kim Jung Un dangerous. We should use our economic power. Same for Putin. And buy more subs and missles and planes.
Christie: We'll embarass China. That'll teach 'em.
Bush: Press should be hacked by China. That'll teach 'em.
Hewitt: What about the nuclear triad?
Trump: I was against going into Iraq. Nuclear proliferation is bad. I have no fucking idea what 'triad' means, even though it was obvious from the prior question.
Rubio: I will explain what 'triad' means. I studied for this test!
Bash: Cruz=maniac?
Trump: nope.
Bash: You bashed (ha ha) Trump in private. Wanna repeat that?
Cruz: I'll ignore your question. My daughters are here. LA schools were closed today. I'm answering the question! He's better than Obama or Clinton. I'm answering the question!

 

[barfo]

Trump: I'm in it to win it.
Carson: "Rinse Pubis" assured me that nothing bad was going on.

Next up: closing statements!

 

[riverman]

Fine recap barfo!

 

[barfo]

Paul: We spend lots of money. It's not a good idea. No one else agrees.
Kasich: I'm from Ohio. America is Ohio.
Christie: I was a prosecutor.
Fiorina: I put security procedures in place at HP after 9/11. Hillary bad.
Bush: Hillary and Obama bad. My record is fortified.
Rubio: blah blah blah
Cruz: Obama bad. Winning. Reagan bankrupted Soviet Union, I will do the same.
Carson: I've been to 58 countries. My mother said anything was possible. Then I hit her with a hammer.
Trump: America not winning. Win a lot. Great country.

barfo

 

[e_blazer]

This seems like a good thread for this...

http://butthatsnoneofmybusiness.com...in-womans-vagina-during-shoplifting-incident/

I've heard of putting buns in the oven, but this one takes the cake...err...cookie.

 

[e_blazer]

Nice recap, barfo. You may have a couple if points a little off, but I think you got the overall chaos right. I found the debate entertaining, but I don't think it will have much impact on the polls.

 

[Denny Crane]

Yes, it's real.

 

[SlyPokerDog]

 

[julius]

Cruz: Clinton and Bush deported illegal aliens. (for some reason, doesn't mention # deported by Obama)

Thanks for the great recap, even done somewhat to emphasize humor. It was closer to what was really happening than not.

But this part is interesting to me. It's what I dislike about politicians. Picking out stats or purposely leaving out stats, to sell their narrative. The only reason that wackado left off Obamas #'s is because it wouldn't improve his slim to none chances of winning the presidency.

 

[PDXFonz]

Fiorina: Kim Jung Un dangerous. Previous administrations failed. So we should keep doing the same things. China bad.
Carson: Kim Jung Un dangerous. We should use our economic power. Same for Putin. And buy more subs and missles and planes.
Christie: We'll embarass China. That'll teach 'em.
Bush: Press should be hacked by China. That'll teach 'em.
Hewitt: What about the nuclear triad?
Trump: I was against going into Iraq. Nuclear proliferation is bad. I have no fucking idea what 'triad' means, even though it was obvious from the prior question.
Rubio: I will explain what 'triad' means. I studied for this test!
Bash: Cruz=maniac?
Trump: nope.
Bash: You bashed (ha ha) Trump in private. Wanna repeat that?
Cruz: I'll ignore your question. My daughters are here. LA schools were closed today. I'm answering the question! He's better than Obama or Clinton. I'm answering the question!

Iirc this was the best part, when he couldn't think of anything to say so he says "everyone here would do better than Obama" and the seals in the crowd bark and clap their fins.

 

[speeds]

Epic recap. Much success. Thanks, barfo.