The Gay Parenthood Dynamic - Question

[KingSpeed]

ABM- there's no such thing as "the gay lifestyle" and the only thing that is growing is people feeling safe and comfortable enough to come out about who they are and live without shame or fear. This is a good thing, especially for gay youth who've been killing themselves over who they are. Hopefully, a pro-gay President we'll help them realize there is nothing wrong with them.

 

[ABM]

ABM- there's no such thing as "the gay lifestyle" and the only thing that is growing is people feeling safe and comfortable enough to come out about who they are and live without shame or fear.

Thanks for reading what I had just shared.

 

[KingSpeed]

Thanks for reading what I had just shared.

She's confused. Yes, there are gay people who hate themselves. I'm gay whether or not I live with or have sex with a man. I was gay when I was a kid growing up. I'd still be gay if I divorced my husband. There is no such thing as a "gay lifestyle."

 

[ABM]

She's confused.

In what way?

 

[KingSpeed]

In what way?

She thinks that being gay is a lifestyle, which it's not. It's something that you are. A gay person can live any lifestyle that they want. If she is gay but has decided to reject who she is as a past "lifestyle," she is not being true to who she IS. If she is straight and was just confused about that, it's wrong of her to toss off gays and just being people who choose a "lifestyle." Either way, she is confused.

 

[porkchopexpress]

In what way?

The gay "lifestyle" she describes is just her experience in a bad relationship. It has nothing do do with the fact that it was a gay one. A straight relationship could have been just as destructive and manipulating. Calling it 'gay lifestyle' implies that all gay relationships are like this, which isn't true. Obviously her first marriage wasn't great. Does she describe that as the 'straight lifestyle'?

Maybe she is gay, but convinced/manipulated into thinking she is straight. Maybe she is straight and convinced/manipulated by this woman into thinking she was gay. Maybe it's more blurred than that. But regardless of how she identifies/truly feels, what she had was just a bad relationship and not some sort of 'gay lifestyle'.

 

[magnifier661]

She thinks that being gay is a lifestyle, which it's not. It's something that you are. A gay person can live any lifestyle that they want. If she is gay but has decided to reject who she is as a past "lifestyle," she is not being true to who she IS.

You talk as though being gay is like being Black or any other nationality. It maybe genetic; but it isn't a generalized "Self" like you mentioned. Looking around my area and through my gay friends; there is clearly a lifestyle. They tend to migrate in specific communities and tend to share a lot of the same values. There are differences, but it would be more like the difference between a republican to a democrat.

So it's a choice IMO, and I'm fine with that choice. Just like one chooses to be a republican because it is the best choice for the generalized views.

 

[KingSpeed]

The gay "lifestyle" she describes is just her experience in a bad relationship. It has nothing do do with the fact that it was a gay one. A straight relationship could have been just as destructive and manipulating. Calling it 'gay lifestyle' implies that all gay relationships are like this, which isn't true. Obviously her first marriage wasn't great. Does she describe that as the 'straight lifestyle'?

Maybe she is gay, but convinced/manipulated into thinking she is straight. Maybe she is straight and convinced/manipulated by this woman into thinking she was gay. Maybe it's more blurred than that. But regardless of how she identifies/truly feels, what she had was just a bad relationship and not some sort of 'gay lifestyle'.

Brilliantly said. Thank you.

 

[ABM]

The gay "lifestyle" she describes is just her experience in a bad relationship. It has nothing do do with the fact that it was a gay one. A straight relationship could have been just as destructive and manipulating. Calling it 'gay lifestyle' implies that all gay relationships are like this, which isn't true. Obviously her first marriage wasn't great. Does she describe that as the 'straight lifestyle'?

Maybe she is gay, but convinced/manipulated into thinking she is straight. Maybe she is straight and convinced/manipulated by this woman into thinking she was gay. Maybe it's more blurred than that. But regardless of how she identifies/truly feels, what she had was just a bad relationship and not some sort of 'gay lifestyle'.

OK, I get that, guys (crandy and KS, as well.) I'm wondering if she calls it that because that's what they referred to as 25 years ago? In that same way, my grandfather called ALL Black people "n-i-g-g-e-r-s", because that's all he was ever used to calling them(?)


Anyway, I feel ya, folks.

 

[KingSpeed]

You talk as though being gay is like being Black or any other nationality. It maybe genetic; but it isn't a generalized "Self" like you mentioned. Looking around my area and through my gay friends; there is clearly a lifestyle. They tend to migrate in specific communities and tend to share a lot of the same values. There are differences, but it would be more like the difference between a republican to a democrat.

So it's a choice IMO, and I'm fine with that choice. Just like one chooses to be a republican because it is the best choice for the generalized views.

You are wrong. It's not a choice and do not make an opinion about all gays based on a few gay friends you know. That's like acting like your black friends are how all black people are. It's thoroughly offensive. There is no clear lifestyle. My lifestyle is very unique. I live with my husband in a small studio in NYC. I don know any other gay people (or straight people for that matter) who live in as small a room as we live in. Most people would kill each other, but for some reason it works for us. We hardly ever go to bars and we never go to clubs. We watch lots of TV and we eat out or order in for all our meals while many other gay people probably cook their own food. In January, we are moving into a suite in a mansion in Bell Canyon for three months for pilot season. I don't know any other gay people choosing to live in LA this way and there are no other gay people living in the mansion. We live "Bones" residual check to "Bones" residual check. Sometimes, I make money by signing autographs. I personal don't know any other gay people living this way. I'm also a huge NBA fan who watches every Blazer game. I don't know any other gay person who lives like this. I'm the only gay person I know who plays NBA2K12. I sit courtside at Blazers games even though I can't afford it. I don't know any other gay people who do this. So NO, we're NOT all the same and it's NOT a choice.

 

[Spud147]

The gay "lifestyle" she describes is just her experience in a bad relationship. It has nothing do do with the fact that it was a gay one. A straight relationship could have been just as destructive and manipulating. Calling it 'gay lifestyle' implies that all gay relationships are like this, which isn't true. Obviously her first marriage wasn't great. Does she describe that as the 'straight lifestyle'?

Maybe she is gay, but convinced/manipulated into thinking she is straight. Maybe she is straight and convinced/manipulated by this woman into thinking she was gay. Maybe it's more blurred than that. But regardless of how she identifies/truly feels, what she had was just a bad relationship and not some sort of 'gay lifestyle'.

+1, I think your sis was really vulnerable after a bad relationship and she got into another bad relationship for all the wrong reasons (hated men at the time, didn't feel comfortable about being single/alone, didn't know who she was, et al.... whatever reason). It was a bad rebound and she hooked up with another person who was going to damage her again, didn't matter if it was gay or straight. Fortunately she's better now!

 

[magnifier661]

Okay since we are on the topic; I had a straight friend that has gay woman parents about 10 years. He was 100% fine and ironically a womanizer.

Anyway, I remembered asking him if it was challenging. His response wasn't anything hard. His mothers were so good to him and his father didn't have a good relationship with his father. He said he just couldn't cope with how hard of time his dad would give him being with his mom and her "dike" mother. I've met his mothers and they were cool as fuck! Had me over for dinner many times. Good peeps!

 

[KingSpeed]

OK, I get that, guys (crandy and KS, as well.) I'm wondering if she calls it that because that's what they referred to as 25 years ago? In that same way, my grandfather called ALL Black people "n-i-g-g-e-r-s", because that's all he was ever used to calling them(?)


Anyway, I feel ya, folks.

And both of those things are offensive ways of putting all of one type of people into a box and saying they're all the same.

 

[magnifier661]

You are wrong. It's not a choice and do not make an opinion about all gays based on a few gay friends you know. That's like acting like your black friends are how all black people are. It's thoroughly offensive. There is no clear lifestyle. My lifestyle is very unique. I live with my husband in a small studio in NYC. I don know any other gay people (or straight people for that matter) who live in as small a room as we live in. Most people would kill each other, but for some reason it works for us. We hardly ever go to bars and we never go to clubs. We watch lots of TV and we eat out or order in for all our meals while many other gay people probably cook their own food. In January, we are moving into a suite in a mansion in Bell Canyon for three months for pilot season. I don't know any other gay people choosing to live in LA this way and there are no other gay people living in the mansion. We live "Bones" residual check to "Bones" residual check. Sometimes, I make money by signing autographs. I personal don't know any other gay people living this way. I'm also a huge NBA fan who watches every Blazer game. I don't know any other gay person who loves like this. I'm the only gay person I know who plays NBA2K12. I sit courtside at Blazers games even though I can't afford it. I don't know any other gay people who do this. So NO, we're NOT all the same and it's NOT a choice.

Bullshit King, and sorry if I'm offensive. And I didn't say that all gay people are the same! Stop putting words in my mouth.

Show me the clinical data that proves being gay is genetic? There are no gay woman or men in my family for many generations, yet my daughter and niece are gay. Guess it was a hybernated gene or something right?!?! Stop acting like this forum is against you because you are gay. Frankly, I think it's cool you are open about being gay. I take no offense to it, and you've met me in person. Did I act like some homophobe to you? Now your opinion on me is offensive.

Signed,
The truth.

 

[KingSpeed]

Bullshit King, and sorry if I'm offensive. And I didn't say that all gay people are the same! Stop putting words in my mouth.

Show me the clinical data that proves being gay is genetic? There are no gay woman or men in my family for many generations, yet my daughter and niece are gay. Guess it was a hybernated gene or something right?!?! Stop acting like this forum is against you because you are gay. Frankly, I think it's cool you are open about being gay. I take no offense to it, and you've met me in person. Did I act like some homophobe to you? Now your opinion on me is offensive.

Signed,
The truth.

Yes, you did say all gay people were the same. You said we all live in the same places and have the same values. That there is a "gay lifestyle." Read your own post. That is horribly offensive. I've met you and I don't throw you in a box with anyone else. You are one of a kind and a guy I've enjoyed spending time with. I don't think the forum is against me. There are people in this thread that aren't offending me. If you think that I chose to be gay and that we all share the same values, then you are, at best, ignorant if not a homophobe.

I mean, geez, I proved your gay lifestyle idea wrong and all you can say is bullshit? What do you gain by acting like this, mags?

 

[Spud147]

You talk as though being gay is like being Black or any other nationality. It maybe genetic; but it isn't a generalized "Self" like you mentioned. Looking around my area and through my gay friends; there is clearly a lifestyle. They tend to migrate in specific communities and tend to share a lot of the same values. There are differences, but it would be more like the difference between a republican to a democrat.

So it's a choice IMO, and I'm fine with that choice. Just like one chooses to be a republican because it is the best choice for the generalized views.

I think everyone wants to live where they are welcome. There are plenty of places I wouldn't want to live (Utah, the middle east, innercity Detroit, China, South American, etc.) because I'm living a "straight white girl lifestyle".

I have more than one friend who went back and forth because they have truly just fallen in love with the person at the time regardless of the gender. And I honestly wouldn't want to put a bi-sexual label on them because it's not a political statement or a lifestyle for them... it's just them!

 

[KingSpeed]

Looking around my area and through my gay friends; there is clearly a lifestyle. They tend to migrate in specific communities and tend to share a lot of the same values

False.

 

[magnifier661]

I think everyone wants to live where they are welcome. There are plenty of places I wouldn't want to live (Utah, the middle east, innercity Detroit, China, South American, etc.) because I'm living a "straight white girl lifestyle".

I have more than one friend who went back and forth because they have truly just fallen in love with the person at the time regardless of the gender. And I honestly wouldn't want to put a bi-sexual label on them because it's not a political statement or a lifestyle for them... it's just them!

I can absolutely agree with that. Just as a lot of Asians will migrate to the same part of a city, i.e. Little Tokyo, Koreatown, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. But just because King maybe an exception or minority, doesn't make it seem like everyone shares his same views.

 

[magnifier661]

False.

True. You are an exception to the rule. Sorry to be so blunt.

 

[KingSpeed]

Even if I chose to marry a woman, I'd still be gay. Being gay isn't a choice.

 

[KingSpeed]

True. You are an exception to the rule. Sorry to be so blunt.

There is no rule!

 

[magnifier661]

I mean, geez, I proved your gay lifestyle idea wrong and all you can say is bullshit? What do you gain by acting like this, mags?

What do I have to gain? All I said was Bullshit? Sorry read the entire thread. I didn't only say bullshit.

I have nothing to gain, but make conversation. I disagree with your statement that being gay is not a lifestyle. Sorry man, I just don't. Your thinned skin tosses out that it's offensive and whatever else.

I actually have a ton of gay friends, and never once did they think I was a homo phobe or ignorant like you suggest. In fact, two of my best friends are gay and I can't wait for them to read this and laugh. We've talked about this and they believe it is a lifestyle as well. So fucking what? Why does this label hurt you? It's not like the world are picketing West Hollywood, saying "STOP YOUR LIFESTYLE!"

Geez

 

[KingSpeed]

So if I'm not living your definition of a "gay lifestyle," mags, does this mean I'm not gay? Because you said you didn't think people ARE Gay, that it's merely a lifestyle. If I'm not living the lifestyle, what am I? I'm gay and it's not a choice. When I was a freshman in college, I didn't want to be gay. I refused to say I was gay. I said I would never call myself I was gay. But I was still very attracted to men and even fooled around with men and fell I'm love with men. I worked hard to deny it but eventually a guy broke my heart and then I had to realize and admit that I was in love with that guy, that I was gay. And then I came to terms with that. I didn't choose to be gay but I did choose to stop lying to myself and others.

 

[magnifier661]

Even if I chose to marry a woman, I'd still be gay. Being gay isn't a choice.

I didn't say it's a choice, but the lifestyle is the choice. As I've said already, that the majority of gay people migrate to the same place. So what if you didn't; all my friends did. It's not 100% accurate, but then again, being a Blazer fan has mixed opinions in it as well doesn't it?

Let me be 100% clear and say that all gay people are the same, like some cookie cutter lifestyle; but many share the same views and migrate together, just like us Blazer fans are in this forum. It's human nature. It would be a freak of nature for a gay man to want to live in the most redneck part of this country and openly admit he or she was gay. Just like it's hard seeing Boston fans in L.A. or vice versa.

Yes it happens, but not very much.

 

[magnifier661]

So if I'm not living your definition of a "gay lifestyle," mags, does this mean I'm not gay? Because you said you didn't think people ARE Gay, that it's merely a lifestyle. If I'm not living the lifestyle, what am I? I'm gay and it's not a choice. When I was a freshman in college, I didn't want to be gay. I refused to say I was gay. I said I would never call myself I was gay. But I was still very attracted to men and even fooled around with men and fell I'm love with men. I worked hard to deny it but eventually a guy broke my heart and then I had to realize and admit that I was in love with that guy, that I was gay. And then I came to terms with that. I didn't choose to be gay but I did choose to stop lying to myself and others.

Last time I checked, you are Eric. Just like my daughter is Hannah. Both are gay and I like them the same.

And I've said before; I explained the "Lifestyle" is the type of life most gay people live after they find out they are gay. I am not referring to it like being gay is a choice. The life you live after finding out you are gay is.... And as I keep saying over and over and over again. Most gay people migrate to the gay areas. And you are the exception. Good for you man. You are an individual. Maybe you are fighting it because you don't want that label. Whatever floats your boat man. You are still my friend.

 

[KingSpeed]

What do I have to gain? All I said was Bullshit? Sorry read the entire thread. I didn't only say bullshit.

I have nothing to gain, but make conversation. I disagree with your statement that being gay is not a lifestyle. Sorry man, I just don't. Your thinned skin tosses out that it's offensive and whatever else.

I actually have a ton of gay friends, and never once did they think I was a homo phobe or ignorant like you suggest. In fact, two of my best friends are gay and I can't wait for them to read this and laugh. We've talked about this and they believe it is a lifestyle as well. So fucking what? Why does this label hurt you? It's not like the world are picketing West Hollywood, saying "STOP YOUR LIFESTYLE!"

Geez

if your gay friends think this is funny, then they have their own issues too. There are lots of self-hating gays. I have the toughest skin of anyone I know. Doesn't mean I should be okay with everything you are saying. It's not a lifestyle. I already proved that. You have tons of gay friends? How many? Are they all the same? Do they all feel the same about these views of yours? I consider myself to be one of your gay friends and I'm not laughing.

 

[magnifier661]

if your gay friends think this is funny, then they have their own issues too. There are lots of self-hating gays. I have the toughest skin of anyone I know. Doesn't mean I should be okay with everything you are saying. It's not a lifestyle. I already proved that. You have tons of gay friends? How many? Are they all the same? Do they all feel the same about these views of yours? I consider myself to be one of your gay friends and I'm not laughing.

touché... You have a point there. I have about 10 gay friends and 4 gay family members. My best friend is Black and Gay. Most of my other friends stemmed from this friend.

But over the years, I've had many gay friends who were friends of my sister. She lived in San Diego and we would all go clubbing together.

And when I said my gay friends would laugh, they would laugh at the fact that you believe my comment that it's a "Lifestyle" is the choice of being gay or not. I know exactly what I meant; which clearly you didn't read. You still believe that my interpretation of "lifestyle" is the decision to be gay or not. My interpretation of "Lifestyle" is the choice after one realizes they are gay. To be with their own and live a open life with others that share their same choices.

 

[KingSpeed]

I didn't say it's a choice, but the lifestyle is the choice. As I've said already, that the majority of gay people migrate to the same place. So what if you didn't; all my friends did. It's not 100% accurate, but then again, being a Blazer fan has mixed opinions in it as well doesn't it?

Let me be 100% clear and say that all gay people are the same, like some cookie cutter lifestyle; but many share the same views and migrate together, just like us Blazer fans are in this forum. It's human nature. It would be a freak of nature for a gay man to want to live in the most redneck part of this country and openly admit he or she was gay. Just like it's hard seeing Boston fans in L.A. or vice versa.

Yes it happens, but not very much.

You did say being gay was a choice. Read your posts. You said being gay wasn't something you are, that it was just a lifestyle. Yes, there are communities that SOME gay people move to because they want to be around other gays. But those communities make up a small percentage of all the gays in the world. Your view of gays is very narrow. Im not sure how many gay friends you have but I doubt they're an accurate sample of all gays. They're just a few people you know who happen to be similar.
'

 

[magnifier661]

You did say being gay was a choice. Read your posts. You said being gay wasn't something you are, that it was just a lifestyle. Yes, there are communities that SOME gay people move to because they want to be around other gays. But those communities make up a small percentage of all the gays in the world. Your view of gays is very narrow. Im not sure how many gay friends you have but I doubt they're an accurate sample of all gays. They're just a few people you know who happen to be similar.
'

Where did I say that? If I did, then I will publically apologize to you.

 

[KingSpeed]

Last time I checked, you are Eric. Just like my daughter is Hannah. Both are gay and I like them the same.

And I've said before; I explained the "Lifestyle" is the type of life most gay people live after they find out they are gay. I am not referring to it like being gay is a choice. The life you live after finding out you are gay is.... And as I keep saying over and over and over again. Most gay people migrate to the gay areas. And you are the exception. Good for you man. You are an individual. Maybe you are fighting it because you don't want that label. Whatever floats your boat man. You are still my friend.

I'm flattered to be liked by you as much as you like your daughter. You've changed your tune now though. Initially, you were saying that being gay is a choice. Now you are not. Thank you.