My list of things that would salvage the season (as far as I'm concerned):
1. Pau Gasol gives up basketball to join Doctors Without Borders. Rest of Lakers feel guilty about their shallow empty lives and concede season.
2. Phil Jackson retires as a result.
3. Not to be outdone, Nate McMillan retires.
4. "Psych!" says Phil, unretires, and takes over coaching the Blazers, "the team I was born to coach!" he says.
5. Amazing technological breakthrough in prosthetic knees: instant replacement, good as new, no recovery time.
6. Failing all that: I suddenly realize that Basketball is completely pointless and get a worthwhile hobby.