The official Jusuf Nurkic facts thread

[bodyman5000 and 1]

When Nurk messes with Siri on his Iphone and asks why the iPhone sucks, instead of a preprogrammed sarcastic response Siri apologizes and promises to do better.

 

[stampedehero]

Everyone in this forum appreciates #27.

 

[theprunetang]

In the vein of They Might Be Giants:


Nurkic man, Nurkic man
Doing the things a Nurkic can
What's he like? It's not important
Nurkic man

Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When he's underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?
Nobody knows, Nurkic man

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

My refrigerator has three buttons on it. 1 for water and 2 for ice.

The ice buttons are marked

Cubed

And

Nurked

 

[theprunetang]

Of course there is also a Leonard portion of the same TMBG's song:

Leonard man, Leonard man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Leonard man

Is he depressed or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with Leonard man?
Degraded man, Leonard man

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

4 out of 5 Dentists recommend Trident gum. The 5th dentist is Nurk's dentist and he doesn't have the guts to tell Nurk anything.

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

When Nurk sprays Lysol it kills 100 percent of household germs because the resistant germs die of fright

 

[Orion Bailey]

When Nurk sprays Lysol it kills 100 percent of household germs because the resistant germs die of fright

Nurk doesnt spray lysol. When he needs to disinfect, he just eats a pack of breath mints and breathes on everything. If he had more time in his life, he could cure all diseases with his disinfecting breath.

 

[Orion Bailey]

Jesus, OB... that's just... no. Even for this thread, we don't joke about Meyers actually succeeding.

Uh, let's not make up ridiculous shit

So...

Doers that mean I won???

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

So...

Doers that mean I won???

Are you into beatings? You want Lois Griffin to step on your cubes?

 

[PDXFonz]

Some look up at night to see the stars.

The stars look down at night to see Nurkic.

 

[theprunetang]

There is a rumor that drinking Nurk's tears will lead to eternal life. The problem is that Nurk has never cried. I believe the rumor though.....

 

[Strenuus]

So...

Doers that mean I won???

No. You lost.

 

[ripcityboy]

When Nurk goes to the bank to get money he doesn't need withdrawal slips. He just scribbles IOU on a piece of paper and takes what he wants.

Tibetan wise men have given up finding a higher plane of existence when they discovered that there is only Nurk's World.

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

Nurks grandad was the inspiration for those automatic doors at the grocery store. They hadn't been invented yet but one day someone noticed that the door opened for him by itself and thought it would be cool if it happened for everyone.

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

If you read the disclaimer at the end of those Most Interesting Man in the World commercials you'll see an asterik and the words "except for Nurk"

 

[dviss1]

When Jusuf left for college he patted him on his head and told his dad:

"You're the man of the house now"

 

[dviss1]

Nurk once swallowed a whole Rubix cube... It came out solved...

 

[dviss1]

James Cameron wanted Nurkic to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold.

 

[dviss1]

Jusuf Nurkic discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which he is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Nurkic punched him in the face.
We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

This one's a little off color...read at your discretion.

Nurk's dad took him to the brothel on Nurk's 14th birthday because he thought it was time to make him a man.


14 children ages 8 or less walked up to Jusuf and said "hi dad"

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

This one's a little off color...read at your discretion.

Nurk's dad took him to the brothel on Nurk's 14th birthday because he thought it was time to make him a man.


14 children ages 8 or less walked up to Jusuf and said "hi dad"

Shit, like this one better. Still off color...same 14 year old Nurk

When Nurk and his Dad walked into the brothel, the 6'8" tall 300 lb bouncer saw Jusuf and said "hi dad"

 

[julius]

Nurk has a history of kidney stones. He passed one last week. We call it the hope diamond.

 

[dviss1]

Reviving this thread.

Nurkic was about to send an email when he realized it'd be faster to run.

 

[Mediocre Man]

Reviving this thread.

Nurkic was about to send an email when he realized it'd be faster to run.

This thread has more facts than the Melo thread

 

[dviss1]

Nurk doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them.
This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they kick the shit out of viruses.

That's why Nurkic never gets sick.

 

[bodyman5000 and 1]

Nurk doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them.
This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they kick the shit out of viruses.

That's why Nurkic never gets sick.

Nurk was going to star in Pacific Rim 2 because it would be cheaper having him play a giant badass than using CGI.

On the first day of filming the director fired him because the movie had to be 2 hours and nobody would believe it would take Nurk that long to kick ass.

 

[e_blazer]

The North Koreans will never target Portland out of fear that Nurk would catch the warhead and throw it back at them.

 

[PtldPlatypus]

The North Koreans will never target Portland out of fear that Nurk would catch the warhead and throw it back at them.

Obviously the Plumlee-to-Denver deal was actually orchestrated by the US military as deployment of their Pacific Missile Defense Strategy (since we all know Olshey was only interested in the draft pick).

 

[dviss1]

Obviously the Plumlee-to-Denver deal was actually orchestrated by the US military as deployment of their Pacific Missile Defense Strategy (since we all know Olshey was only interested in the draft pick).

Hahaha! Nice one!