Dad? Is that you? Uncle? How can all you "conservatives" that "aren't racists" have EXACTLY the same talking points?!?
You are "just curious." "Everyone is equal." "I love everyone." "Why can't we all get along?" Guess what. IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU. You don't get it? Then read or shush up. Or continue on. Just understand, the way you talk is the way "they" talk. And by "they" I mean, the complicit.
I know you must know this but: some words are charged. Some people, usually THE people being defined by these words, don't like them and prefer they not be attached to them. They are never the majority and deserve the respect not to have to wear labels they don't like. Some groups, like Native Americans (I incidentally have a Native American friend who calls herself and others "Indians," although many find it offensive. So what? SHE ISN'T EVERYONE!) have little to no voice, and therefore have to endure continued abuse. For example, the Redskins is a fucked name; it should be changed. The Indians is less fucked, but fucked nevertheless and should be changed. And it goes on...
The point is mind your own business. A constantly evolving vocabulary can be confusing, but it isn't up to you (or all your black "friends") to say what offends people that AREN'T YOU. I also think, it is healthy not to sink into the cement of "knowing things" about other groups anyhow. Walk up to most any African American and ask what "the talk" is and they'll tell you it's when you tell your kids how to survive when they inevitably have an interaction with the police. Ask a white American the same thing and they'll giggle and say "the birds and the bees." If that isn't a stark enough contrast, I don't know what is.
As I tell my kids (and I'm paraphrasing here): it's better to admit you don't know something, than talk out of your fucking ass.