Firstly, let us speak plainly: Jabari Smith Jr. must be acquired posthaste. The Rockets may not properly value him, and we should be first in line to take advantage of such shortsightedness. Picture, if you will, a frontcourt rotation featuring Deni Avdija, Smith, and Donovan Clingan. Versatile, defensively adaptable, and free from the burden of expecting Deandre Ayton to do anything beyond his contractual obligation to exist on the court for a given number of minutes. Smith, a man unafraid to slot between the four and five, gives us exactly what we need: a switch-heavy defensive unit when paired with Camara and Deni, as well as a more traditional rim-protecting scheme with Clingan when such things become necessary. If Scoot can learn to navigate a screen without looking like he's been hit by a truck, this defense might be good (he's got the frame). As for Houston, if they decide they’d rather not pay him? Well, let’s see how they feel about Robert "I Swear My Knees Work" Williams and a juicy top-10 pick.
Now, Anfernee Simons. Bless his heart, but it’s time to send him packing. If someone in Orlando still believes in the magic of Ant (pun absolutely intended), I say we oblige them. My working trade: Simons to Orlando, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope and Denver’s pick to Chicago, and Kevin Huerter plus Portland’s pick back to us. It’s a bit of financial housekeeping—clearing some salary while adding Huerter, a movement shooter who might teach Scoot a thing or two about feeding an off ball movement shooter. It’s practical. It’s efficient. It won’t fix all our problems, but it will at least make the backcourt dynamic more palatable.
And then, for the finishing touch, we add Davion Mitchell. Not a flashy move, but an important one. He’s a guy who will bring defensive intensity, leadership, and a general intolerance for bullshit. This is particularly important for Shaedon Sharpe, who could use a little push in the “playing hard all the time” department. Also, Scoot could benefit from an older brother-type figure in the locker room—someone to get in his ear and hold him accountable without making it weird.
The Real Problem: Blazers Practice Facility is a Goddamn Disaster
And here’s the real issue: the state of the Blazers’ practice facility. I am sick and goddamn tired of hearing about the absolute filth that certain unnamed individuals (but let’s be honest, we all know who) have been leaving in their wake. We’re talking protein shake cups left in the locker room like they’ll magically clean themselves. We’re talking towels strewn about as if this is not a professional sports organization but a frat house. And worst of all—this cannot be ignored—certain players (again, no names, but we know) have been taking full-on dumps in the urinals. This is a team in disarray, a team without leadership, a team with no respect for the hard-working janitors who have to deal with this absolute horror show.
You think Jabari Smith Jr. is taking a dump in the urinal?
You think Davion Mitchell is the kind of guy to leave his sweaty-ass compression gear on the floor like a heathen?
No. These are men of discipline. Men of standards.
Anfernee Simons? Nice guy, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s one of the prime suspects. Deandre Ayton? That man looks like he hasn’t voluntarily cleaned up after himself since high school. This filth trickles down—you build a soft, entitled team, and suddenly you’ve got dudes treating the locker room like a gas station bathroom.
This is bigger than basketball. This is about culture. It’s about respect. It’s about not forcing the custodial staff to deal with your biological terrorism.
Bring in Smith. Bring in Mitchell. Ship out the dead weight. Clean house—literally and figuratively. Anything less is a failure of leadership.