The Gay Parenthood Dynamic - Question

[ABM]

First of all, there have been many threads in these parts concerning gay marriages...the morality issues, the debates....and the like. This is NOT one of those.

Secondly, I want to be up front that in no way am I intending to draw or lure anyone into some type of argument....I'm merely asking questions because I'm simply curious on the matter. It very much intrigues me as I see our country shifting more towards the acceptance and commonplace of the gay lifestyle.

My question is, in light of Sophia's letter to President Obama, below, I wonder if having two Dads will in any way shape her viewpoints on her own relationships as she begins to mature into a young woman? I know that many in here have claimed that being gay may more a case of being "born" that way, as opposed to being learned behavior.

It intrigues me that Jamie is very much "defending" her two Dads. Will that dynamic change if/when Jamie begins to date boys? In that same vein, might her chances of finding "Mr. Right" be restricted due to some boys not accepting the environment in which she has been raised?

Again, these are all simply questions. I in no way am wanting to insert my own beliefs into this discussion. It is clear to me that the gay lifestyle in America is growing....and becoming very much woven into our culture as a whole. I'm simply wanting to play the scenario out a bit and inquire as to what some of those outcomes might look like.

Thanks.

 

[Eastoff]

There are some who would argue it is a determinate to her psyche. I honestly think there is not much scientific data on this subject yet to give a strong opinion one way or the other. However, I think it is safe to say she does need some strong female role models in her life as well.

 

[OSUBlazerfan]

You're a good guy ABM. I like how you approach all these topics. Wise.

 

[Natebishop3]

Here is how I look at it ABM; is it possible that having gay parents could have some kind of long term effect on a child? Sure. Could be a positive effect, could be a negative effect. With that said, how many kids have negative baggage from straight parents? How many kids are in abusive families? How many kids are in families that do not provide for them? If a gay couple can provide a happy and loving home with everything a child needs in life, why would you deny them that? I think it's more important that a child is provided with a loving environment and a stable home, rather than worry that they might turn gay because they have two dads or two moms.

 

[porkchopexpress]

First of all, there have been many threads in these parts concerning gay marriages...the morality issues, the debates....and the like. This is NOT one of those.

Secondly, I want to be up front that in no way am I intending to draw or lure anyone into some type of argument....I'm merely asking questions because I'm simply curious on the matter. It very much intrigues me as I see our country shifting more towards the acceptance and commonplace of the gay lifestyle.

My question is, in light of Jamie's question to President Obama, below, I wonder if having two Dads will in any way shape her viewpoints on her own relationships as she begins to mature into a young woman? I know that many in here have claimed that being gay may more a case of being "born" that way, as opposed to being learned behavior.

It intrigues me that Jamie is very much "defending" her two Dads. Will that dynamic change if/when Jamie begins to date boys? In that same vein, might her chances of finding "Mr. Right" be restricted due to some boys not accepting the environment in which she has been raised?

Again, these are all simply questions. I in no way am wanting to insert my own beliefs into this discussion. It is clear to me that the gay lifestyle in America is growing....and becoming very much woven into our culture as a whole. I'm simply wanting to play the scenario out a bit and inquire as to what some of those outcomes might look like.

Thanks.

I don't think this is an issue. I don't have gay parents and I wouldn't even think of dating a person who thought it was wrong/immoral/gross/weird to have 2 dads. Just the same way I wouldn't think of dating someone who thought interracial marriage was wrong (that one I do have experience with). So, will her 'Mr right' be restricted because of a certain segment of the populations' beliefs? Yes. But it is no more restricted than a lot of others who were raised in more traditional families.

 

[porkchopexpress]

Here is how I look at it ABM; is it possible that having gay parents could have some kind of long term effect on a child? Sure. Could be a positive effect, could be a negative effect. With that said, how many kids have negative baggage from straight parents? How many kids are in abusive families? How many kids are in families that do not provide for them? If a gay couple can provide a happy and loving home with everything a child needs in life, why would you deny them that? I think it's more important that a child is provided with a loving environment and a stable home, rather than worry that they might turn gay because they have two dads or two moms.

Well said

 

[Eastoff]

Here is how I look at it ABM; is it possible that having gay parents could have some kind of long term effect on a child? Sure. Could be a positive effect, could be a negative effect. With that said, how many kids have negative baggage from straight parents? How many kids are in abusive families? How many kids are in families that do not provide for them? If a gay couple can provide a happy and loving home with everything a child needs in life, why would you deny them that? I think it's more important that a child is provided with a loving environment and a stable home, rather than worry that they might turn gay because they have two dads or two moms.

I don't think he's concerned about the child turning gay, but he does raise a point that she may have an awkward situation with boyfriends. But as you pointed out, very few people don't have awkward situations involving their significant other and their parents.

 

[Natebishop3]

I don't think he's concerned about the child turning gay, but he does raise a point that she may have an awkward situation with boyfriends. But as you pointed out, very few people don't have awkward situations involving their significant other and their parents.

Oh I'm not saying ABM thinks that, I just think that would be the prevailing fear of most people who are against gay couples adopting children.

 

[magnifier661]

Well my daughter is gay and so is my niece. When my niece asked me about adoption or having a child through a "sperm bank"; I replied "You do what you feel is right. No one can tell you what to do." I think if someone is capable of raising a child, regardless of sexual preference; then more power to him or her. I think sexual preference is on the person deciding it.

I know my daughter and she is 100% family first. So is my niece. I think they would both be awesome parents. Yes the children may see some "ignorant children taunting"; but that's no difference than the minorities that received the same issues 20 years ago. Change maybe rough; but if you don't stand your ground, then nothing will change.

 

[Denny Crane]

I don't think environment has anything to do with how the kids' orientation will end up.

I do think environment has everything to do with how happy and healthy the kids will be when grown up. And I don't see how the parents' orientation would be a negative effect, period.

 

[Natebishop3]

Well my daughter is gay and so is my niece. When my niece asked me about adoption or having a child through a "sperm bank"; I replied "You do what you feel is right. No one can tell you what to do." I think if someone is capable of raising a child, regardless of sexual preference; then more power to him or her. I think sexual preference is on the person deciding it.

I know my daughter and she is 100% family first. So is my niece. I think they would both be awesome parents. Yes the children may see some "ignorant children taunting"; but that's no difference than the minorities that received the same issues 20 years ago. Change maybe rough; but if you don't stand your ground, then nothing will change.

Daughter? How old is your daughter???

 

[magnifier661]

Daughter? How old is your daughter???

She is 16.

 

[OSUBlazerfan]

She is 16.

Im impressed you still voted for Romney... really impressed

 

[magnifier661]

Im impressed you still voted for Romney... really impressed

Thank you. When I look for a leader of the Country; I look for what that person can do for us financially. Obama just doesn't get it, IMO. He reminds me of that frivolous spending wife that maxes credit cards because she thinks the family needs new TVs and cars (Even though each bedroom already has TVs and they own 3 cars). That is seriously dangerous.

My daughter actually wanted Romney to win as well.

 

[RR7]

I'm more shocked you oppose gay marriage with a gay daughter, but to each their own.

 

[magnifier661]

I'm more shocked you oppose gay marriage with a gay daughter, but to each their own.

I'm not apposed of gay marriages. I just think the State of the Union is more important than that civil right. But be shocked that I care more about the financial dynamics of this country. The backward movement will be felt for many years after Obama leaves office.

 

[RR7]

I'm not apposed of gay marriages. I just think the State of the Union is more important than that civil right. But be shocked that I care more about the financial dynamics of this country. The backward movement will be felt for many years after Obama leaves office.

I mean in a general sense, not with who you voted for this time around. Just shocked in general you would be opposed to gay marriage with a gay daughter.

 

[magnifier661]

I mean in a general sense, not with who you voted for this time around. Just shocked in general you would be opposed to gay marriage with a gay daughter.

Who said I was apposed of gay marriages?

 

[Natebishop3]

Who said I was apposed of gay marriages?

Because you're a Republican so you must hate gay people, right?

 

[magnifier661]

Because you're a Republican so you must hate gay people, right?

Hahahaha I forgot that many Democrats generalize our party as extreme right wing facists! Sometimes I think my social views are more moderate than many Democrats. I believe in Republican fiscial views. I also believe in less federal government and more "state government control". I mean WTF man?! Why do we have a state in the first place if we just allow the Federal Government total control?

 

[RR7]

Who said I was apposed of gay marriages?

you have previously on here.
No, Nate, not because of that. Sorry. I'm not generalizing a party on it, just going off of previous comments I saw on here.

 

[Natebishop3]

Hahahaha I forgot that many Democrats generalize our party as extreme right wing facists! Sometimes I think my social views are more moderate than many Democrats. I believe in Republican fiscial views. I also believe in less federal government and more "state government control". I mean WTF man?! Why do we have a state in the first place if we just allow the Federal Government total control?

That's old school GOP though.... not how the party works anymore.

 

[maxiep]

The problem in our society are single parents. I don't give two shits what the sex is of the parents or how many of them there are, just make sure they are living together in a loving home.

 

[magnifier661]

you have previously on here.
No, Nate, not because of that. Sorry. I'm not generalizing a party on it, just going off of previous comments I saw on here.

When? You mean during the religious debates? LOL man. Just because I said something to the likes of Gay is a sin; doesn't mean I'm against it. Lying is a sin too brother. So do I think we need to kill off all the liars of the world?

I clearly pointed out that your sin is between you and God. You will have to answer for the choices you make in life. I also clearly said that I feel like I'm more of a sinner than most gay people I know.

When my daughter told me she was gay; she was really nervious telling me. I guess she thought I would fly off the handle. The funny thing was I was extremely calm and said "I love you no matter what. I will disagree with many of your decisions in life, but they are your choices." I also said "If it's what you feel comfortable being, then who am I to take that away from you?"

I've made deals with my children. If they choose to drink at parties, then they call me to pick them up at any hour. I want them to be safe and know that their parent loves them no matter what. Everytime I see my daughter; I see her when she was an infant. She is my world and will always be my world; just like my other two children.

 

[magnifier661]

That's old school GOP though.... not how the party works anymore.

I understand that entirely; but my views are my views. And the GOP is the closest thing to my views that can actually make a difference. I refuse to register "Independent" because I still want to vote for the primaries. I think it's important to vote on the canidate to be the leader of this nation.

 

[crandc]

Back to ABM. First, ABM, there is no such thing as a "gay lifestyle". Any more than there is a "straight lifestyle". You probably define your lifestyle by a lot of things, being American, where you live, what you do for a living, income, your religion if you have one, marital/relationship, children, hobbies and interests, etc. etc. So do gays. I'm sure there are millions of straight folks whose lifestyles are utterly alien to yours - do you have the same lifestyle as Kim Kardashian (God, I hope not!) So using a term like "the gay lifestyle" is, whether you mean it this way or not, an implication that all gay folks are an "other" who are essentially all alike. Like when racists used to talk about "the Negro character".

Now, as to your question. There have been numerous studies on children raised by LGBT parents, either single or couples. In indications of child wellness - overall health, how well they do in school, juvenile delinquency, drug/alcohol abuse, early pregnancy, relations with peers, etc. - there have been no differences found when children of LGBT parents are compared to similarly situated children of straight parents. (Obviously, the more educated, better off, stable & loving the parents are, the better off the children are, regardless of orientation.)

However studies have found some differences. Not suprisingly, children of LGBT parents are more tolerant of LGBT people generally. They are also less likely to favor rigid gender roles; after all, a child with two moms or two dads see a father cook and do laundry and a mother change the car oil.

They are, however, no more likely to be LGBT than children of straight parents. However, those who are LGBT have an easier time accepting themselves.

As for how it would affect their own dating/romantic relationships, I imagine they'd be more likely to look for a relationship with an accepting kid. Yes, if a child of an LGBT parent(s) fell in love with a person who was extremely prejudiced or whose family was extremely prejudiced it would cause problems but so would the child of a Jewish family falling for an evangelical Christian, a liberal falling for a conservative, an African-American falling for a white kid from a prejudiced family.

So maybe we should all just get along?

 

[Denny Crane]

The "gay lifestyle" is seen to be hedonistic.

I know better, but that is what it is.

 

[Spud147]

First of all, there have been many threads in these parts concerning gay marriages...the morality issues, the debates....and the like. This is NOT one of those.

Secondly, I want to be up front that in no way am I intending to draw or lure anyone into some type of argument....I'm merely asking questions because I'm simply curious on the matter. It very much intrigues me as I see our country shifting more towards the acceptance and commonplace of the gay lifestyle.

My question is, in light of Sophia's letter to President Obama, below, I wonder if having two Dads will in any way shape her viewpoints on her own relationships as she begins to mature into a young woman? I know that many in here have claimed that being gay may more a case of being "born" that way, as opposed to being learned behavior.

It intrigues me that Jamie is very much "defending" her two Dads. Will that dynamic change if/when Jamie begins to date boys? In that same vein, might her chances of finding "Mr. Right" be restricted due to some boys not accepting the environment in which she has been raised?

Again, these are all simply questions. I in no way am wanting to insert my own beliefs into this discussion. It is clear to me that the gay lifestyle in America is growing....and becoming very much woven into our culture as a whole. I'm simply wanting to play the scenario out a bit and inquire as to what some of those outcomes might look like.

Thanks.

Anything that's perceived as different than average/normal and that people react to is going to shape a childhood negatively and positively. Whether it's your appearance, your race, your weight, your intelligence, your parents, your spiritual beliefs, your physical abilities, your income class, and so on.

This little girl already has been and will continue to be affected by having two dads but to me she sounds like a very well adjusted kid who speak her mind with compassion. I think she's turning out just fine.

And sure, it may affect dating, but it's a big world with plenty of great people to interact with. If someone judges her for something she has no control over she's not "losing out" in catching Mr Right. She finding out he wasn't worth catching in the first place.

 

[MARIS61]

Anyone with the heart and desire and commitment to be a parent has my unflinching support.

UNICEF estimates the number of orphans at 210 million in the world today.

86 million orphans in India

44 million orphans in Africa by 2010

10 million orphans in Mexico

35,000 children die everyday from hunger and malnutrition.

As a new century unfolds, orphan children living in developing countries struggle to survive without the support and protection of parents or the love of a family environment. These numbers include those who are internally displaced or refugees from conflict or natural disasters, conscripted as child soldiers, live on the streets, or have lost one or both parents to the growing HIV/AIDS epidemic. Within ten years there will be a staggering 44 million orphans in Africa from the HIV/AIDS virus. The youth of today have never known life without the epidemic.

http://www.mission1m.org/about_the_need.html

 

[ABM]

Back to ABM. First, ABM, there is no such thing as a "gay lifestyle". Any more than there is a "straight lifestyle".

Interesting.

First of all, thanks for your responses. I really appreciated those.

My family's dynamic (both, nuclear and extended) is interesting and somewhat diverse. First of all, I was brought up in sort of what you might call a "traditional" fashion. My Dad was a minister, and my mom was stay-at-home. I have two older sisters....I'm the baby (as if you couldn't tell already. )....and, almost like an only child, too, as my sisters are 9 and 11 years older than me.

My oldest sister got married when she was in her mid-20's, had two children (a boy and a girl), and ended up getting a divorce after about 10 years. Her husband was verbally abusive. Soon after that time, she entered into a gay "lifestyle" (her words) and her and her gal raised the kids. From what I've been told, it was a pretty crappy experience for the kids.....certainly, partially due to the culture surrounding them (LOTS of jokes/abuse from their peers as well as their folks, etc.).

Interestingly, she became a born again Christian, then totally rejected that lifestyle and has never gone back to it. That was probably about 25 years ago. She claims that she "fell" into the relationship with this somewhat cunning, manipulative, and evidently controlling (and 100% absolutely gay) woman. She felt she was taken advantage of (specifically, relating from the fallout/shame of her struggling marriage)...and also suffered some control issues as it related to the kids. Apparently, the other woman wanted to "adopt" the kids, then seemingly buy their love by paying for their respective college tuition, etc. It was a mess. The kids were torn because (a) they definitely wanted to go to college, yet (b) resented the idea that they were being bought.....for a price (returned "love"). They ended up getting through it, though....the other woman ended up backing off and they have not spoken to her since that time.

Anyway, it was all pretty intriguing to me.

My oldest sister has lived alone ever since....would love to find the right man, but has pretty much become resolute in serving others (medical, missions, local charities) in her retirement. She's a strong Conservative....and votes that way.

OTOH, my middle sister has been divorced, just recently got married again (great guy), is a super-Liberal...and I mean SUPER-Liberal....totally supports gay marriage, abortion, peace, love, and happiness....the whole deal. She's a hoot! Even though we don't share the same values, I'm pretty close to her and it's all good.

Oh, but back to my oldest sister: Her two kids are the greatest! Her daughter (the oldest) lives in Park City, UT with her millionaire husband. He's Conservative (although, he just voted for Obama over "social" - as opposed to economic - matters), she's a super-Liberal (same fabric, big-time, as my middle sis), they have four beautiful kids (teen on down to four years), and are an awesome family!

My oldest sister's son is happily married, as well. They have two lovely (pre-teen) daughters. He's a SUPER-Conservative, so you can only imagine the "engaging" discussions they all have during the holidays and summertime...oh, and on Facebook!

Anyway, I could probably type out a bunch more. I suppose the thing I wanted to share was that my oldest sister still calls her gay experience a "lifestyle"...one that she now clearly and totally rejects. Kinda wild, actually.