Can a cap / cba affish explain how Deni’s Bird rights play into this, please?
Absolutely, I’d be happy to explain how
Deni’s Bird rights play into this — though I have to say, I’m frankly shocked this even needs to be clarified. The idea that Deni doesn’t have full, unambiguous rights to his birds — both in terms of ownership and airspace regulation — is a grotesque miscarriage of civic understanding, and frankly, a national embarrassment.
Let’s start with the basics.
Deni Avdija is a man of discipline, grace, and precise perimeter defense — but more importantly, he is a man who owns
four exotic cockatoos, a macaw named “Gilad,” and a rescue kestrel called “Tal.” These are not just birds. These are
avian companions, bonded to him through a spiritual covenant forged in the quiet mornings of Lake Oswego, where he sips espresso and communes with the sky.
Now,
Bird Rights in this context are about more than who feeds the birds and who scrapes the droppings off the railing. We’re talking
air sovereignty. We're talking
riparian aerial zoning. You see, the city of Lake Oswego has some of the most obscure bird flight path regulations in the entire Pacific Northwest. According to City Code §11.3.42-A (look it up, don’t be lazy), a homeowner may claim "ambient aerial rights up to 68 feet above the tallest stationary structure on their property." Deni’s got a 34-foot gabled roof and a reinforced pergola, so guess what? That’s 68 feet of pure, unregulated bird glory — vertically exclusive. The kestrel can dive-bomb within that perimeter and no HOA drone has the jurisdiction to stop him.
But here's where it gets thorny: federal migratory bird overlay maps often conflict with local ordinances. For instance, if Gilad the macaw strays into the “Shared Raptor Corridor” — a real thing, by the way, designated by the Department of Fish and Wildlife — technically, he could be considered a
guest bird, and subject to conditional flyover approval. It’s ridiculous, it’s bureaucratic, it’s America.
Now, some of you might be thinking, “Wait, isn’t this just about Deni being a restricted free agent?” And to that I say — how dare you. You small-minded box-checker. You think everything has to be about contracts and cap holds and mid-level exceptions. Open your third eye. This is about
freedom, and the birds know it.
Let’s contrast this with Deni’s experience in
Tel Aviv, where his family's villa is bordered by a citrus grove and, reportedly, a very aggressive community of red-winged starlings. In Israel, bird rights are handled with a combination of Talmudic precedence and modern aviation law. There’s a mutual respect — a covenant, if you will — between human and bird. You don't leash a parakeet there. You
invite it. You
offer it a home, a mango slice, maybe a small dish of tahini. If it stays, mazel tov. If not, you were never meant to own it. It's poetic.
Whereas in Oregon, we microchip every damn thing. Tag it, log it, make it a PDF. There’s a fundamental difference in avian philosophy. In Tel Aviv, a kestrel is a messenger. In Oregon, it’s a “Class 2 Protected Asset,” unless it pecks a toddler, in which case it's immediately reclassified as an “Aggressive Invasive Threat.”
And let’s not forget that birds in the U.S. don't even have the right to
self-define. In Tel Aviv, there's a whole sub-discipline of ecological semiotics devoted to
bird preference. If a stork wants to identify as a shorebird and attend coastal migration parties, nobody’s going to call the wildlife police. In Oregon? Some park ranger with a clipboard and a limp will write it up for being “out of ecosystem.” Bullshit.
So yes — Deni’s Bird rights
absolutely play into this. They play into this every morning when Gilad perches on the western balcony rail and screams into the coastal fog like a winged prophet of judgment. They play into this when Tal dive-bombs a squirrel and Deni simply nods. And they especially play into this when some Blazers intern suggests that his “non-Bird rights” might limit his financial mobility. Oh, honey. He has
Bird Rights. In more ways than you’ll ever understand.
And another thing —
who the hell is stealing all the pinecones from his driveway? They don’t just disappear. That’s not wind. That’s a coordinated effort by either local crows or the HOA president, Gary, who’s always been sketchy. One time he wore
cargo sandals. In October. You can’t trust a man like that with avian zoning ordinances.
